The start of the sifting...

Recently I was faced with a very difficult decision.  I prayed for wisdom, guidance and discernment and God answer those many prayers with an unending supply of His wisdom, guidance and discernment.  I made the decision to leave the finance industry and take a ministry position.  I knew it wouldn’t pay enough to cover the bills and yet I knew that God would provide.  I quit my finance job and took a 32 hour per week job that paid me very little, but gave me the biggest blessing and that was time with my family. 

For 5 days I prayed for God to answer our finance quandary and to show me exactly what I needed to do with the money He blesses us with each month.  On the 5^th day, God gave me exactly the amount I had been praying for, but it was in the form of a counter-offer.  I knew, just knew that God was leading me back to my job in finance.  They gave me everything I wanted and then some.  I was empowered.  I had hope and unending peace that God was leading me back.

Here I am, 5 days into the new-old-finance job and I’m realizing that my reality isn’t different.  I was given promises by someone who is never in the office.  I was supported by someone who isn’t here to enforce those promises.  It actually feels worse than it did before. 

The thing is there was absolutely no hesitation in believing this is what God has for me. I’m still at peace with the decision, even though I’m not at peace in the physical building.  I feel like I’m going through another sifting, another time in my life where God is cleaning house and bringing me to full humility and submission.

I have ideas and plans and when I share those, I’m supported.  When it comes to actually doing, I encounter extreme resistance. 

I’m not entirely sure why. 

I’m trying to understand what God is teaching me and to see what He wants of me.  Yet, I feel so alone and at the same time know that isn’t from God.  Here is a verse that God has revealed to me every day this week and in various different forms:

“For the mountains may be removed and the hills may shake,
But My lovingkindness will not be removed from you,
And My covenant of peace will not be shaken,”
Says the Lord who has compassion on you.

Isaiah 54:10

When God does that, He's speaking to me in His gentle whisper.  In this moment, I’m resting in that promise.  The feeling of isolation is starting to diminish with the knowledge that God has compassion on me.  I’m praying I feel it soon because my humanness needs that at times like this.