The perfect ten Edition

Parenting has so many rewards. I get to watch this little person that God used N and I to create grow, have ideas, voice her opinions and to see the world through her little eyes. It's a gift that I cannot describe, but want so much to soak up every moment I can. Each day Zoe learns something new and she's an older, wiser girl than the day before. I never want to take those moments, however small, for granted.

Zoe is really trying to use words. She jabbers all the time, but there are moments where you hear a phrase or word perfectly. We have this game where we count to ten and show her how you'd hold up fingers for that number. She loves it. In the past we've thought she has tried to say "four" or "five," but last night she clearly said "ten."

It was the most perfect "ten" I've ever heard.

We clapped and, like any parent, tried to get her to say it over and over and over for the following 15 minutes. She loves an audience, so she graciously agreed to play along.

As I watch her grow, I'm so excited that my friends and family get to experience parenthood. They'll get to experience their "perfect ten" moments. My brother-in-law Chris has been very graciously sending updated pictures of Micah in the NICU. I have to say, even though he's got awhile before he says words, he's a perfect ten.

As I watch my sister and brother with Micah and N with Zoe, it is a reminder of Christ's love for us. I never fully understood what that meant until I saw Zoe, laying in that isolette, struggling to live outside my womb. In that moment, the emotion and feelings were so overwhelming that I think I cried non-stop the first four weeks of her life. They were the most joyous tears I've ever cried.

My prayer, as a parent, is to demonstrate Christ's love to all three of my girls. Because I'm completely human, that's not always an easy task. I get tired, stressed and impatient. Despite the fact that I will always love them unconditionally, I want to show it. That type of unconditional love is what every child needs. Every child on earth and every child of God.

When I see my precious Zoe's smile or hear her giggle, I reminded of Christ's love for me. Imperfect, less-than-ten me. Yet He sees me as a perfect ten.

Ephesians 5:1,2 - Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

The mini torture device Edition

Last night Zoe and I went to visit her aunt, uncle and grandma. Cousin Micah is still in the NICU growing stronger and putting on some fat. Which really sounds like a marvelous vacation to me. Bright sun, excess food and rest. Although I'm not too keen on "vacations" with ICU in their destination. Been there, done that. It ain't fun.

We went to visit and make sure Aunt Bevie was doing okay. It's hard to leave the hospital without your bundle-o-joy in tow. I think I cried for the first week straight and then the tears usually stopped about a block away from the hospital after that. The guilt, it never quit.

Zoe went because she's pure entertainment that you can't pay for and she also needed a good look at Micah's room. She said she needed to make sure it was perfect for her cousin. She loved it so much we had a hard time getting her out of the room. That could be because she was pooping. It's definitely been kid-tested and approved.

The best part of the evening was Fezz and Mia. Two little pups with such loud barks and so much energy. Once Zoe got used to them, she was like a CIA operative trained to get information out of people in ways unfathomable to the human mind. Maybe that could be because I read 1984 while pregnant.

The dogs would be outside, with only a screen door separating them from us. Zoe would creep around the couch until she saw them, she'd sneak up on them and as soon as they barked she would run as fast as she could. Apparently to provide a good 30 minutes of entertainment, N & I just have to get two, energetic pups.

Or just visit Aunt Bevie and Uncle Chris more often!

The praise the Lord for Spanx and big skirts Edition

I've been dreading today for quite some time. This morning definitely didn't disappoint the mood.

I woke up 10 minutes early in preparation for my day. I still left the house at the same time. Apparently that 10 minute deprivation of precious sleep means an extra 10 minutes in the shower trying to recover. Who knew!

I was in a hurry. The lights on my way to work were funky. They would turn green only long enough for two cars to go through.

Sometimes I think God has a sense of humor that I don't get. After taking the needed detour, I realized that God was just trying to get my attention. He was trying to calm my nerves. Nerves that have been building for exactly 29 days.

Today I have to get measured for Amber's bridesmaid dress.

Let's not talk about that right now. I'm getting hives.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this dress. It's got a skirt that looks bunchy, a small ribbon around the waist and a strapless bodice that looks like dresses they have on the red carpet. When I get invited to the Oscars, I'll have my dress!

It's in a divine color called eggplant. I'm truly excited to wear this dress. I typically don't get overly enthused about bridesmaid dresses. Perhaps it's the stigma. This one won my little, award show loving heart.

In order to get the dress, some woman has to wrap a measuring tape around parts of my body I would rather not discuss to get me the right size. I fear this almost as much as I fear heights, big toe hair and the word panties.

I fear they'll have to special order the dress to fit me or they'll have to order a size that would make me cry out loud.

I had these same fears when I got fitted for my own wedding dress. It turned out they had to order one that was three sizes bigger than I thought I was. God is good. The seamstress doing the alterations told me that I was not that size, but needed one that was two sizes smaller. I still have a special place in my heart for that lady.

I'm only hoping she's switched bridal boutiques and will be the one measuring me today. I'm trying real hard to avoid any chocolate chip cookies before 11 o'clock. They're my go-to in times of fear.

Worst case scenario, I eat a whole batch of those chocolatey morsels, head over to Nordstrom, drop enough dough for a Bentley and buy some Spanx and other marvels in women's shaping garmets. I'll let you know how it goes.

Or not. A women's heart is full of many secrets.

The snake and snails and puppy dog tails Edition

So much has happened in the last 72 hours that I've been a little remiss in posting about it because I've been trying to organize my thoughts. If you could be in my mind, you'd know that isn't an easy task.

Friday evening we got to spent time with two boys in our life. A dear friend of mine and her family came over on Friday afternoon. Her son, Aiden, is three weeks older than Zoe. It is so much fun to see her around other kids her age. Aiden is so busy. He can scale furniture, examine every toy in record time, run around the house before you know he's gone, jumps and jabbers. In other words, totally normal.

Zoe had fun running around the house with him. I realized she's not fully made of sugar and spice. She kept lifting her shirt and pinching her tummy for Aiden. After the 1,000th time of me telling her to "put her shirt down" she stuck her finger up her nose instead.

After they left, we rushed up to the hospital. At 6:44pm, Micah Christopher made an entrance into the world 5 weeks ahead of schedule. He's a perfect 5 lbs 2oz and 18.25 inches. Zoe was one proud cousin, although I have to admit, she really hasn't met him yet. He's in the NICU, tanning and learning to regulate his own tempurature. I know she'll be ready to teach him all about life outside the NICU.

Isn't he perfect?

Micah and his crazy, tired parents.

Last, but not least, Zoe turned 18 months this weekend. When she woke up on Saturday, she had definitely done some growing. Mainly her ideas and attitude. Things I learned this weekend from my 18 month old:

1) Naps are only for babies like Micah. Once you're 18 months, nap time is just a moment to sit on a chair with mommy and tell her every single idea you have. Or to try and wiggle out of her arms. Or to blow her kisses. Or to "shhhsh" her.

2) The world is cruel. You cannot play with nobs on the dishwasher, with daddy's laptop, open the knife drawer, your food has to cook for you to eat it and when mommy and daddy say wait, they mean it!

3) We have entered the copy cat phase. As we were playing in her Learning Home, I would open the door and say, "well hi Zoe." Zoe opened the door for me and said, "well hi mommy." Daddy took one of his crackers, bit off all except a little piece for Zoe and fed it to her. She did the same for daddy with her chips.

While this may be a time of attitude and boundary testing, there are moments I still see that sugar and spice and everything nice.

The Designer Baby Edition

Several of my friends are expecting. I am beyond overjoyed that they are now entering the world of parenthood with me. It's a journey that is the most work, but the most rewarding. Without any question!

With all my friends expecting, that means many baby showers. In an effort to keep these little ones in the highest fashion, I've been doing some browsing.

Let me tell you, there are some insane baby items available out there. Let me give you an insight into baby excess:

1) Burberry swimming suits. Yes, your child can be in designer clothes at the pool. All the other toddlers will be so jealous.

2) Juicy Couture fleece hoodie - for the future Jenny from the Blocks out there. One of my friends does live in Atlanta, GA, so maybe with all the hip-hop people coming out of the ATL, this would be necessary.

3) Diesel jeans for her and for him - Maybe it's just me, but if you're buying designer jeans that your child will wear for maybe 3 weeks, you have a money tree that I need to get in on. I do think it's adorable to have designer jeans with a snap seam for diaper changes.

4) Primigi boots - I've never heard of this brand, but if they think I would pay up to $133 for a pair of boots for my 2 year old, they're insane.

Maybe when I can actually fit into a pair of Diesel jeans will I even contemplate buying some for my toddler.

Then again...maybe not.

The how do you pronounce meme - mee-mee, meh-meh, may-may? Edition

Some days a girl needs some creative help. I have nothing exciting to post about, so I thought I'd do a meme that I saw at BooMama's blog. Although I don't know how to pronounce it. Is it just like it looks, so you say mee-mee? Does it follow some mysterious rule in the English language and is pronounce may-may?

It's like Teva's. Which I just bought a pair for Zoe. However is it Tee-vah or Teh-vah? All I know is they are a shade of pink that goes with almost everything and they look comfortable.

Even though I have pronunciation problems, I'll still give it a whirl.

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was living in Salem, Oregon, waiting for my senior year of college to begin. My friend Steph and I both stayed in Salem that summer. It was, by far, one of the best summer's of my life. We would spend most nights just hanging out and laughing. We watched more episodes of Seinfeld that I can count. We made up stupid games to pass the time.

The best memory is our lame dance party. We were so bored that we decided to host a dance party at my apartment. For just the two of us. Steph attempted to do a "wicked dance move" and broke her toe on my coffee table. Good times.

Favorite Snacks
bread and butter - it's a classic
chips and salsa
Kettle corn
yogurt - I had to have something that could be considered healthy

To Do List
These are my favorite thing to create. I draw a little box next to each item so I can cross it off. Usually the thrill of making the list is where it stops. Somehow the list gets put down, I forget to cross things off it and then I find it two days later. Fortunately it's usually completed.

My to-do list for today is:
1 - Stop for gas. I hate filling up the tank and seeing a dollar amount nearing a price I would pay for a nice pair of shoes. It has to be done.

2 - Grocery shopping. I love getting things to stock up the pantry, but I hate the crowds. Because N works on Saturdays, I get this errand all to myself. Not my favorite.

3 - Eat lunch. It's important to having something on the list that you know you can cross off. Plus I like anything that demands I eat.

4 - Figure out what to make for dinner. This is a constant thing on the list and I find it stresses me out.

5 - Take a nap with Zoe. After all that figuring out and grocery shopping, I get a little exhausted.

6 - Visit with my sister-in-law, brother-in-law and mother-in-law. My sister-in-law Bev finally got to go home from the hospital. She's on bed rest until Micah arrives, but at least we can go to her house to visit. My mom-in-law is in town from Southern California for the next 7 weeks. It'll be fun to hang out with all of them. She hasn't seen Zoe in over a year. N & I are thinking of taking dinner out with us, so that adds a whole new level of stress to item #4.

Jobs I Have Had
Babysitter, sno-cone salesman in my grandparent's traveling concession stand, marketing director for two stockbrokers, retirement plan administrator, mutual fund service associate and now a retirement plan coordinator.

I would also put mom and wife on here, but I don't classify those roles as jobs. They're blessings.

Places I Have Lived
Spokane, Washington, Salem, Oregon and Tacoma, Washington. Basically the three corners of the Pacific NW.

Bad Habits
nail biting, not washing my face before bed, staying up too late watching reality television and then complaining about being tired, eating too many sweets and not spending enough time in my Bible.

5 Random Things People May Not Know
N and I met in youth group. We went on a couple dates, but his family freaked me out. They kept telling me we'd get married and have cute babies. To a 17 year old, that freaked me out. I secretly wanted to date him in high school, but the thought of only one, serious boyfriend scared me. Ironically, I only had one, serious boyfriend, I married him and had a cute baby.

I used to smoke clove cigarettes. It was never anything where I had to have a cigarette to calm down or after meals. I never became addicted. I think it was my way of rebelling at a very strict college. I stopped when my mom found out and started crying.

I organize everything. My DVD's are in alphabetical order, with cartoons and television shows having their own category. My CD's are in alphabetical order by artist and then in chronological order by disc. I hate that it's hard to keep them in alphabetical order in the car CD holder. I usually don't listen to CD's much in the car for this very reason. If you put a CD or a DVD in the wrong case, I almost can't handle it.

I used to fall asleep watching MTV music videos. When I was around age 4. When MTV first came out, my grandma would turn it on and I would watch the Go-Go's, Michael Jackson, Cyndi Lauper, The Police and the Eurythmics. I have vivid memories of the Go-Go's playing around in the fountain during the Our Lips Are Sealed video.

I don't like food touching on my plate. Thanksgiving is not a fun meal for me. I don't like my turkey to touch my mashed potatoes. Forget gravy. That stuff just gets everywhere. I don't like my corn or any corn juice to touch anything else. To find a corn kernel in my mashed potatoes will make me stop eating all together. If I have a salad, it has to be in a separate bowl. It's part spectacle, part charm.

CDs I would want if stranded on an island
The Beatles Revolver, Queen's greatest hits, DC Talk Jesus Freak, Oasis Masterplan, Casting Crowns Lifesong, Grease soundtrack, Aerosmith's greatest hits, The Essential Neil Diamond and Guns 'n' Roses greatest hits.

This was hard. I have to go with many greatest hits albums because it combines all the great things about the artist/band in one. I take this question VERY seriously.

What I’d Do if I Were a Billionaire
1) Pay off anything that needed to be paid off for my immediate family.

2) Buy my mom any house and car she wanted. She's done so much for N and I, this would only touch on being able to repay her.

3) Give to charity and our church.

4) Buy some place on a lake. It has to be big enough to house our family comfortably so we can all enjoy it together.

5) Do some major wealth management planning for our future generations.

6) Take my family on a trip to Italy/Greece.

7) Figure out how I'm going to spend my time since I don't have to work.

8) Build a custom house that I could live in until I die.

I think that's it. If you want to play too, go for it.

The Friday Five Faves Edition - Vol. 4

It's hard to believe another week has flown by. Does it seem like the weeks during the summer fly by? Let's just hope the weekends for the rest of the summer take their sweet time.

Here's my question for this Friday...who gets colds in summer? Apparently I do. I'm sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever and I ain't got the medicine to rest. I get a little whiny when I'm sick. Like you didn't notice.


To get my mind off the cold and onto a brigher tomorrow, here's my top 5 for this Friday.


1) I usually don't drool over automobiles. There are some I definitely don't like, but mainly I'll take what I can get. Until I saw the GMC Acadia. Now I dream about it. If I see one in the parking lot, I take a moment of silence to take in it's beauty. If there is one on the road next to me, I create a perimeter so no other car comes close to this masterpiece of automotive design.

The best part, besides being absolutely gorgeous, it seats 8. EIGHT WHOLE PEOPLE. For a family of 5, where 3 of them need some version of a car seat, that's a nice feature.

Someday you will be mine.





2) I don't know if I mentioned that I have the summer cold of horror, but yesterday I laid on the couch and rested for most of the day. What was on television? Friends re-runs! Honestly, there is no better comedy show than Friends. The writers were amazing. Yesterday it was the episode where Ross tells Emily he loves her and she says "thank you." That's so priceless.

I've probably seen every episode at least three times and I never tire of them. I have some favorites and that could probably be a Friday Five Fave in the near future. This show is pure genius.

3) I have some gray hair. I'm not proud of it because it's just a few strands here and there. Yes, I'm the person that stands in the mirror looking through my hair trying to find more. I've even been known to pluck them. That old wive's tale about more growing back is absolutely true!

Until gas prices became the same price as a year at Harvard Law School, I used to go to the salon to get my hair colored. Now I've been forced to find an at-home color to save gas and expense. I'm not going to lie, it freaked me out. I didn't want some purple tinted color or some greenish tint, which apparently can happen. After consulting my dear friend who also uses an at-home color and you could never tell, look what I've found. It's perfect. It's my color. For $5.95, this is a miracle in a box.

4) For my crafty portion of the Five Fave, I thought I would share a little gem in Eastern Washington that my mom introduced me to. It's called Cottage Quilting and it's an adorable quilt shop at Diamond Lake. They have wonderful fabrics, cute kits and every Friday a girl's night out. You take your project and can sew from 6:00pm - midnight.

I'm fairly new to the quilting world, but I love being able to sew something that actually looks good. My mom has been praying for the day that I would become scrappy. As a young girl I liked mud and He-Man. She had reason to worry.

Now, we shop at quilt stores and scrapbooking stores together. When I have a house of my own, she'll help me organize and utilize my craft room.

5) For the next several weeks, my Friday Five will have a favorite moment or several from Project Runway. I have to say that I love Stella. Not only is she fierce in a totally different way than Christian was last year, she's totally not realistic. She only wants to work with leather. In all the time I've been watching the show, I haven't seen any challenges with leather. I don't know if she'll get her wish. Although kudos to her for making green-fabric satin look biker-chic.

Also, I LOVED LOVED LOVED Suede's dress. I think the judges were spot on when they complimented him. I would wear that dress and I'm not big on the tutu look.

That's it for this Friday. Have a great weekend all.

The Youth Zone Edition

My freshman year of high school was terribly painful. I've actually blocked out most of the year from my memory. We had moved to a house far away from my friends. Fortunately my mother had connections and I was able to go to the same high school. Because I couldn't drive, I only saw my friends at school. Weekends were a total bore.

I was coming out of junior high. Which, at the time, was the worst experience of my life. The whole two years I spent there depleted any self-esteem I had from elementary school. To this day, junior high is still in the top 5 worst life experiences.

If the school issues weren't enough, I was also dealing with the realization that my biological dad didn't care or love me.

It's safe to say I felt very alone and depressed. Because my mom didn't know what else to do with me, she insisted that I join the youth group at church. Which, at the time, seemed like a fate worse than junior high.

To make it really seem like punishment, she insisted that I join the leadership team. She went almost as far as filling out the application for me. It's not because she thought I had leadership potential, but there was a requirement that you had to be at all youth events, youth group and Sunday School. It was her ploy to get me out of the house and correct my surly attitude. I applied for the leadership group to shut her up, knowing full-well they wouldn't select me.

Apparently she had connections there too.

To show my full commitment to this leadership team, I wore all black as often as I could and never smiled.

Then two things happened. Our youth pastor, Dan, abruptly resigned because of personal reasons. Our youth group was in a state of shock and chaos. Three of us on the leadership team bonded together to keep things afloat.

Then Marc and Trudi came right before my junior year. I stopped wearing all black and actually enjoyed myself. Marc and Trudi ministered to me, created an environment of unity and led me back to the Lord.

When I look back on high school, it's not school that I remember at all. It's youth group. I spent most of my free time hanging out with all my "church friends" or toilet papering Marc's and Trudi's house.

Youth Zone was a place that built many of my friendships, taught me about real faith, introduced me to the man that would become my husband and left a lifetime of memories on my soul.

Last month, we had a reunion. Some of the faces I haven't seen since I left for college. They're now married. Their spouses are as wonderful as I had hoped for each of them. Their children are precious. It was like the family reunion where you see distant cousins and realize how much fun you have with them.

There was much laughter, memories and tears (mainly just mine because reunions like this leave me a little emotional, which is part of my charm). I'm so blessed that each of these people are part of my life. They have all helped define who I am and my faith.

If it weren't for God bringing these amazing people into my life, I might still wear all black and have frown lines. Thank God for His miracles.

The it's just your sleep talkin' that gets in the way Edition

Now that Zoe is getting older, more of her personality is starting to show. I love it. She has ideas, she interacts and she makes me laugh out loud on a daily basis.

Her new thing is talking. The girl does not stop. I have no idea what words she's saying, although I think I could make out blood pressure while we were at the hospital visiting Aunt Bevie.

From the moment she gets up to the moment she hits the REM cycle, the girl is talking. When you ask her questions, she has answers.

This week we've seen another side of our little talker. The sleep talkin'. I'm enjoying some REM myself and then I hear "bah dah dah dah baba thah baby." In the past, if you hear this over the monitor at two o'clock in the morning, the first thing you think is "oh crap, she's awake, this is going to be a LONG morning."

I make a bottle and go in there ready for a couple hours of rocking.

She's snoring and curled up. She's in her REM, having some dream, telling me all about it over the monitor.

From the time we brought Zoe home from the NICU, she's been a loud sleeper. For the last couple months, we've had relatively quite nights. I knew God had a sense of humor. I just didn't know He'd be delivering the jokes through my 17 month-old in the middle of a good REM cycle.

The it's going to be a bumpy ride in that valley Edition

I have a confession to make. I'm not proud of it, but I feel I have to own it. I need some accountability.

I haven't been a good listener.

I've been praying and reading my Bible. God put something on my heart that I didn't want to listen to. So I kicked, screamed and looked the other way.

He was leading me to the book of James.

I know you are all probably thinking, "so what?" It's a proven fact that anytime our church does a study on James or our small group does a study on this book, life gets all flipped turned upside down (as the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air would say). As an adult, I've really tried to avoid James.

I don't know why it's like this, but the book of James scares the living tar out of me. It's written very directly and there is no gray area. It discusses things like gossip, being a living example of your faith and all this other daily struggle stuff. All things I struggle with. I don't like having my faults called out, nor do I like the bumpy parts of life.

I'm a bit like a Disney princess when it comes to life. I would prefer to sing, dance and have everything end in a nice, neat package.

James disrupts that. In a big way. In a way that I apparently need.

We have some things going on in our life that are less-than fun and cause more stress than I think I've ever known. Do you know what happens when you're going through all that and you're trying to avoid what God is telling you to do?

Well, my friends, it ain't pretty. I get emotional, cynical, depressed and mean. I know, all things you want as a blogger friend!

Last night I started reading James. Really reading it. Digging into it and trying to allow God to give me the guidance He wanted me to have.

You know what, I feel better this morning than I have in a couple weeks.

James 1:17 - Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like the shifting shadows.

The on top of old smoky or the couch Edition

Friday I got home from work to my mom in the office typing and Zoe in the living room. She was watching an episode of My Friends Tigger & Pooh.

Standing on the couch.

She had scaled the cushions and was enjoying the view.

I was proud of her. We've been waiting a long time for the climbing.

I was proud of me. I didn't freak out. I stayed calm. Actually congratulated her for such an amazing job.

My mom came out and felt horrible. She'd gone into the office 30 seconds before I walked through the door.

We have a climber. She's fast! Welcome to the world where everything is a step-stool.

The loud and proud Edition

This week was Zoe's first week at Vacation Bible School. Grandma helped in the nursery so Zoe could experience VBS and more social time. We had some trouble in the past with poking other children, so we try to expose Zoe to other kids as often as possible.

I have nightmares of not socially equipping my daughter enough that school and her social life are paralyzed by it. Oh the worry of a parent. It's a constant friend that haunts me in my sleep.

If the paranoia wasn't enough, the screaming. Oh the screaming. She also has a problem being left in the nursery while N and I go to church. It's some serious separation anxiety and we've yet to break it in the past three months. If I'm not in the room, hysterics. She throws herself on the floor, alligator tears start flying, snot starts dripping, she starts screaming and no one can calm her down except me.

As you can imagine, I've only heard two songs and one prayer in the last three months before our number flashes on the screen. Unless you count the crying of babies a form of worship. Then I've been doing quite a bit of worshipping!

We thought a week of VBS, three hours a day in the nursery, she may feel a little better about the place. Now that she can use the slide correctly, it's like a park with air conditioning.

Apparently this park is a place for mommies and their babies. Zoe isn't happy about being alone in there yet. Despite spending 15 additional hours there.

I am proud to report, in addition to learning the slide at VBS, Zoe is also displaying a very sweet side of her personality. She shares all her food. She wants all the other children to have a snack like her. Instead of eating right away, she'll take her crackers, cheese or fruit to the other children first.

While I can't be in the service with N, it is such a joy to see our child caring about others.

The Friday Five Faves Edition - vol. 3

I'm back with a top 5. I know you have all been awaiting my list for this Friday. Since this week has been a mix of excitement, worry, pain and joy, the list will be all over the place like my life.

In no particular order, my Friday Five Faves.

1) Can I tell you how happy I am that Project Runway is back on?! It's like people watching at a haute couture mall. You add in Tim Gunn's blunt comments and that my friends is a good time.

I'm not sure who I like yet. It's too early to tell. I will say I am so glad that somewhere else in Washington state besides Seattle is getting props. Granted Blayne is an odd color of orange, calls his form "girlalicious," and created a leotard with a built-in diaper, but beggers can't be choosers.

I loved Kelly's design with the bleach and dye. She really did stand out. So did Stella. Not for the right reasons. She picked trash bags. Then complained that it wasn't good material. Because it's made for trash!

Looking forward to next week.

2) I am probably the last person to discover this, but I have to share. Shutterfly.com. You can upload pictures and create a digital scrapbook. Then, the best part, Shutterfly will print it and send it to you.

OR you can create your own digi pages and send those to Shutterfly to print and bind. This is the scrapbooking solution for mothers of small children!

3) Mongolian restaurants. N and I went on a date last night! It was so much fun. We had dinner at a local mongolian place. While N ate too much, I love that I can create my own dish with all the foods I want. Since I'm a picky eater, this is my kinda place. Since N likes seconds, this is the perfect place for him too!

4) Starbucks spill sticks. I discovered these little pieces of genius today. They are like a stir stick, but fit into the little spout of hot drinks so they don't spill. No more peppermint mocha caked to the cup holder of my car. If you get a hot drink from Starbucks on the go, ask for one if you're not going to drink it right away. It will save a mess in your car.

5) I realize this last one is going to age me quite a bit. However, I'm sending a shout out to Dr. Scholl's. I love heels and wear them almost every, single day at work. I also don't mind wearing heels that cause a little discomfort if it completes the look.

Sometimes we all suffer for fashion.

This kind of suffering creates little issues with feet. Namely toes. This week one of my piggies was squealing. Not a pretty squeal. It was the sound of fear and pain. Fear that I had done something that would prevent me from wearing open toed shoes again.

Pain. Oh the pain.

Apparently it's a corn. Dr. Scholl's had just the appropriate remover. My piggy is normal again. Flip-flops (do you remember when these were called thongs?) here I come.

Happy Friday all! Enjoy the weekend.

The "kiss my grits" Edition

I’m not sure how many people remember Mel’s Diner, but it was a fine piece of television programming from my youth.

If you can imagine, I was that 4 year old saying “kiss my grits” when asked to perform anything close to waitress-type duties. I’m sure my mother was beaming with pride.

If cerebral palsy is that surly cook manning the grill, then Zoe is Alice.

Yesterday at VBS, Zoe was playing on the slide in the nursery. For the first time she climbed up to the platform all by herself. She even started with her left foot, which started the whole concern about cerebral palsy.

Then she sat and went down the slide. The room erupted in applause.

Zoe looked cerebral palsy in the face and said, “kiss my grits.”

This time, both my mother and I are beaming. Genuinely beaming.

The "remember your pressure points, Captain" Edition

Yesterday morning I got a call from my sister-in-law. She is 33 weeks pregnant. She took a bad fall on Monday night and is in the hospital. Contracting.

Zoe and I went up last night for a visit. I needed to see she was okay, even though she was assuring me she was. Zoe needed to entertain her.

She is such a trooper. In the midst of pain, she still looked absolutely beautiful and sweet. I saw some of those contractions on the monitor and while I never experienced them myself, they looked long and painful. Which is why I felt the need to tell her she was contracting! Apparently when I watch them on the monitor, I have to inform her of what's going on. Like she wouldn't be the first to know!

She's still up there, listening to Micah and feeling those contractions. I may be an aunt again soon! Zoe may have a new member of the family to teach the ropes.

Good luck Bev. We're here for you every step of the way. Love you!

The Fanatic Edition

Last night was Monday. In our house, for the month of July, that means hockey night. I'm sure anyone can tell we're going to hockey by our attire. Either that or they think we have some blood circulation issue that requires us to wear jeans and sweatshirts in 90 degree heat.

Upon our arrival we saw T-Dog first. Although it was hard to tell it was him. He has no hair. None. His head is absolutely bald. Zoe thought it was the coolest thing to touch. She rubbed it for luck.

T-Dog, though, doesn't need luck. He's made of pure skill. Although that didn't stop Zoe from banging on the glass and yelling at him.

I have no idea where she gets it.

To make that easier, the rink installed a make-shift platform for her to sit on and yell. She loved it when T-Dog was in the net.

After T-Dog was done, he spent a little time with Zoe. Chasing her around. T-Dog got her laughing so hard she got the hiccups. Not to mention wearing her out! I've never been more excited to see a young person with so much energy before. I think I will have to buy him his first car or something for all his energy and help with Zoe.

If not a first car, perhaps some bubblegum.

While T-Dog was making his aunt a very happy woman, MJ was dominating the ice. Since he plays on a rep team, we don't have the opportunity to see him play much. Partly because traveling to Canada with a toddler doesn't seem fun and I've been lax on getting a passport.

He scored two goals last night. I'd like to think it's one for his favorite aunt and one for his littlest cousin.

It's such a blessing to be able to have Zoe grow up with her cousins. Anytime we mention that we're going to see them, everyone within a 50 block radius knows it. That girl has a set of pipes on her.

What better place to express her love, adoration and vocal abilities than the hockey rink.

Thanks MJ and T-Dog for a great night. I remember watching you learn to skate and then playing in scrimmages with you when I could still let you win. You are both growing into such wonderful boys and I'm so blessed to be a part of your life.

See you next Monday...on the ice. I'll bring the cheerleader with me too!

The whom shall I fear Edition

This weekend was terribly exhausting and emotional. Which is why I've been MIA.

Saturday was the funeral for Rose. I had been asked to read something she wrote to her grandchildren. It was an incredible honor to be asked. While I knew it would be hard, I had no idea how difficult it would be to stand up and read her words. She was a woman who loved her family and it showed.

After hearing her words, it made spending time with my family a little different. I wanted to take them in and let them know how much I cherished them.

What better way to show love than to take them to the pool for some swimming. We loaded up all three girls, lathered them with sunscreen and let them play. My sister and brother-in-law came too with their three boys. It was a blast. The kids went down the slide, dove off the diving board and lounged in the sun.

In addition to the swimming fun, N and I also got to spend some time with D & E talking. I have an ixthus tattooed on my heel. An ixthus is a Jesus fish. D & E asked me what it meant and I got a rare opportunity to really tell them about Jesus and what it means to accept Him into your heart.

Last night as N was tucking them into bed, they prayed. This is the first time they've embraced that.

God is working small miracles. I hope, when He calls me home, all three of my girls can say they'll see me again.

Psalm 27:1 - The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid.

Our Pink Ladies.

Our beach baby getting ready for some swimming.

All the gang (sans a tired toddler).

The Thankful Edition

I know it's Friday and I should be doing a Five Fave Friday post, however, I'm not feeling very top 5 today. Which, if you know me, is shocking.

Instead I feel it necessary to tell you all about a man in my life. My Dad.

I was born to a single mother. For the first years of my life, my grandfather played that critical role of male role model. However, another man entered my life when I was 7 and I had no idea then the impact he would have on me.

He started out as my pastor and my friend Ben's dad. He was the person who talked at the pulpit and greeted me, by name, in the foyer every Sunday.

When I was 10, he was the man who sat down with me and my mom to talk about the significance of baptism. A few weeks later he was the one who stood next to me in that water, prayed with me and promised he wouldn't let me drown.

That same year he was the man who comforted me and encouraged me when I lost my grandpa.

At 16 he sat with me and explained church membership. How important it is to be a member in a fellowship of believers.

He congratulated me for each of my graduations. I'm sure he was also praying for me during those transitions in life.

In my 20's he asked if he could take on the role of honorary dad to me. I jumped at the opportunity to have a dad. I realize this was just a formal technicality. He had been playing that role for a majority of my life.

He counseled N and I before we got married. He even performed part of the ceremony. He talked about the importance God placed on marriage and His role in our life together.

He prayed for me when I gave birth to a 2lb, 10 oz baby girl and almost lost my life. He sent encouragement cards and reminded me he was praying for us.

When we moved back to our hometown, he counseled N and I when our marriage was nearing an end. He prayed for us and rejoiced with us when our marriage become the strongest it's ever been.

While he may no longer be my pastor, he will always be my dad. Thank you for being such a part of my life. For your encouragement, your example, your participation in my life, your prayers and for teaching me the game of golf!

I am forever blessed by you. I can't wait for lunch again. The day always seems a little more joyous when I've been able to spend a moment with you.



I love you Dad B!

The you ain't watching my baby Edition

I rarely watch television. I don't have a DVR, so any shows that I want to watch I either have to 1) stay up late to catch it, 2) wait for reruns and hope I have more energy or 3) wait for the season's DVD to come out.

Granted most of the shows I really enjoy are on Bravo, so catching reruns aren't hard. However, shows like The Office and So You Think You Can Dance just have to wait.

Last night I made an exception to my rule. Actually I got sucked in. I saw a preview for the Baby Borrowers. My mom was interested in it and a couple weeks ago my friend Steph commented on it. I lost some sleep to catch this show.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, let me explain. The Baby Borrowers is a reality show on NBC. Five teenage couples (I use the term couples loosely as they're still teenagers) are put up in a house to play house. Most of these "couples" want to have kids and think it'll be easy. Five real families donate their children to this experiment. For 3 days and 2 nights the teenagers care for the children. They experience what it's really like to have kids.

The parents of the kids watch on monitors to see what's going on with their children. Each house has a secret nanny for when someone needs to step in.

After the 3 days and 2 nights, the actual parents come to give a review to each of the couples.

Last week they got babies. You want to see a meltdown on national television, get some arrogant teenager, make them lose precious sleep from a crying baby and then make them go to work. I thought two of the girls were going to actually need some therapy in the form of a good slap to the face. They got nasty. Welcome to the world of babies! It's like totally not like about you anymore, you know?

What surprised me is that the teenage boys really stepped up to the plate and took care of the babies. I was impressed with them.

That's where I stopped liking the show.

This week the teenage "couples" got toddlers. Most of the toddlers were around age 2. We've got meltdowns, potty training, etc. Some of the "couples" got twins or siblings. It was like a double whammy. It was like Press Your Luck. No whammies, no whammies, no whammies. Then the little cartoon whammy comes on stage they lose all their money. In this case they lost sanity. This phase almost broke every "couple."

What shocked me was how horrible some of the girls treated these children. One girl, Morgan, should attend some classes on acceptible handling of another human. Also, perhaps a class how to change a diaper. This girl is unreal. I know she makes for good television drama, but I was mad. She dragged a kid across the floor by his hand. Then at the parent's review, the parents congratulated them. Their son wasn't taken care of, it makes you wonder what kind of parents they are.

The whole thing actually ticked me off. Here's my reasons:

1) These teenagers range in age from 18-20 and they're shacking up. I'm sorry, but if my 18 year old daughter had been dating her boyfriend from, you know, like 8th grade, I still wouldn't be okay with them living together at 18.

2) The language these kids use around the children is unacceptable. You don't drop the f-bomb around a small child because you're ticked off they didn't make it to the potty. That's never okay in my book.

3) What kind of parents drop off their 2 year old child, who doesn't understand what's going on? After seeing some of these kids and how they treated the kids, I would've walked across that cul-de-sac and taken my child back. Yet most of these parents laughed.

4) It's not real. There is a reason the love you have for your child is the way it is. It's undescribable. If you didn't have this love for your child, you would act like those arrogant teenagers.

While I think it's a great learning experience for the teenagers, it just seems to go against most of my values. While there were times when the potty training accidents happened that I laughed at the teenagers responses, I'm totally disappointed in this show.

Maybe they need to do this more as a follow-up to Engaged & Underage on MTV. Now you're 19 and married, are you really ready for a family. Rather than picking some snotty college freshman who think kids are like totally easy and like I can still like, you know, like go get my nails filled and like grab some like Starbucks on the way to like lunch with like my friends.

All I can say is I'm glad next Wednesday is the 16th and Project Runway starts again. That's some good TV.

The save it for the ice Edition

My family is somewhat unAmerican. Don't get me wrong, we love the US of A. There is no other country we would want to live in.

However, I think part of our DNA is Canadian. I can't confirm this through any genetics. If you look at our sports, we are Canadians. Specifically hockey fans. Where else can you play that great sport except in the Great White North.

Or Alaska. Maybe we're not totally unAmerican. There was that great Russell Crowe movie Mystery, Alaska so maybe we're just lost inhabitants of Mystery.

You get us in an arena with some hockey players and we don't hold back. I've lost my voice more than once injecting my opinions.

The ice skates I own are hockey skates. Figure skates are for sissies.

Don't even start talking trash during the Stanely Cup or about our Redwings.

My nephews have the fever. They've been skating almost as long as they've been walking. One of the songs that used to put them to sleep was "Oh, Canada". It worked every time.

Yes I know their national anthem. Yes I'm proud.

Why all this talk about hockey during the summer? The ice doesn't melt my friends. Hockey in the summer is the best entertainment and break from the heat.

This week we had the honor of cheering on my nephew Tyler. Although he prefers to be called T-Dog on the ice. It's WAY more intimidating that his birth name.

Every Monday night T-Dog and my oldest nephew MJ (that's his ice name) play a couple scrimmages. MJ's in Canada at a hockey camp, so it was just T-Dog this week.

T-Dog had invited Zoe to the game. Since she can't drive, I got to go too.

I tell you, this kid is good. He's controlled, fearless and pure energy. It's been awhile since I've seen him play, but I was totally blown away by his talent. I'm not even being a little biased.

He also has a very loud cheerleader. Zoe was completely enthralled with T-Dog. She would yell and she would point her finger when giving strict instructions.

When T-Dog came off the ice, she couldn't get to him fast enough. I think she loves her cousin.

And some hockey.

I couldn't be prouder of either one.

The "it's better than McJob" Edition

Every year the people that write the dictionary (I'm sure it's some fancy word like "author" or "wordsmith") come up with new words that have to be added. They also list out what year the word was originally used.

Those dictionary authors or wordsmiths are way behind!

Within the last few years words like McJob have been added. Which I'm sure had Merriam and Webster rolling in their graves. Not to mention those Dawson Creek kids rolling their eyes.

Who uses the word McJob enough that it needs to be added to the dictionary?

Perhaps I'm old and am still using the term minimum wage instead. Like, that was so yesterday!

You can view the whole list here, but I'm going to share with you my favorites. Quite frankly, I'm a little shocked some of these have never been in the dictionary before. All those Scrabble players have been missing out.

Air quotes - (1989): gesture made by raising and flexing the index and middle fingers of both hands, used to call attention to a spoken word or expression.

I think they must've needed to "add" this after the Friends episode when Joey kept using them "wrong". Like for "thank you" and "I'm sorry." This has only been around since 1989, so I'm sure when they did it on "Friends" not a single person got it. Thank goodness for the laugh track!

Racino - (1995): racetrack at which slot machines are available for gamblers.

I had no idea these places even existed. Perhaps they're located in some state far away like Nevada or Louisiana! They should also include a map and some coupons for the buffet.

Texas Hold 'em - (1995): Poker in which each player is dealt two cards face down and all players share five cards dealt face-up.

When did they start putting in game titles to the dictionary? I looked up Candyland, Trouble and Hungry Hungry Hippo, but didn't have any luck. How will I ever know how to play those games!

Mental health day - (1971): day that an employee takes off from work to relieve stress or renew vitality.

If it's in Webster's, we will definitely need to start getting some of these days in addition to sick time and vacation.

My personal favorite:

Mondegreen - (1954): word or phrase that results from a mishearing of something said or sung. From the mishearing in a Scottish ballad of "laid him on the green" as "Lady Mondegreen."

I had no idea that my inability to decipher song lyrics had a name! I'm a mondegreen. Actually I could be Lady Mondegreen! You have no idea how many songs in the 80's and 90's that I had no clue what was being said.

Corey Hart's Sunglasses at Night doesn't really make any sense to me. For the longest time I would just sing "I wear my sunglasses at night so I can so I can sssssssseeeeeeeeeeee."

I always thought the Go-Go's My Lips Are Sealed was Honest Lucille.

Paula Abdul's Straight Up created many heated discussions with friends if she was saying "or am I a page in your history...look, I don't mean to make demands" or "am I a page in your history book, I don't mean to make demands." I eventually was proved right thanks to the internet.

Snow's Informer is completely lost on me. I swear he says something about a boom-boom, but that's about all I can decipher.

Forget anything by Bone Thugs-n-Harmony.

My aunt used to think that Shelley Fabares Johnny Angel was Johnny H-A-L. She'd sing it loud and proud. I come by this talent legitimately.

I'm so glad there is a name for all of us singing the wrong lyrics all this time.

At least now I have an excuse for not learning the lyrics. Sorry, I'm just a mondegreen!

The need a leotard and a Jane Fonda tape Edition

It has been quite the weekend. There have been times of rest, saddness and joy.

Zoe loved the Fourth of July. Although she really didn't know it wasn't a typical day, but she loves any day she can play. She even left her hair up long enough for me to take a picture. The Fourth was good to mommy too!

I tend to gauge my days based up on Zoe's hair appreciation. The girl still has baby fine hair, but with enough curl to make her look like a regular on Sanford and Son. Forget any hope after a nap.

The other good news was that we had a play date. My friend Heather and I took our daughters to the park. Zoe has never been to the park, so this was a real test to see how well she did.

I'm proud to report she didn't eat anything off the playground and she didn't run away from me. Both reasons we may try the park again.

Once my hips heal.

Those slides are not meant for anyone over 4. Thankfully Heather didn't have a camera to turn into one of those video shows. Trying to wiggle my way into the little hut on top of the slide, with one leg down the slide, one leg on the stairs and Zoe sitting in the middle waiting patiently for her mother to stop doing the splits long enough to go down the slide was probably a great show.

You know you're in real trouble when your hip cramps and you've still got to maneuver you and the kid to the edge of the slide. Then you have to go down the slide, which isn't made for people with legs longer than two feet.

Or hips wide enough to not shop in the junior's department.

And it provided enough static electricity to light the entire Pacific Northwest. I looked like the bride of Frankenstein with a bum hip.

While I was doing my weekly Richard Simmons on the slide, N went for a ride with Heather's husband Tim. It's nice to have friends that N can hang with, as well as, Zoe and me.

Then it was home to rest.

The True Freedom Edition

Freedom is an interesting concept. There's many different meanings to freedom. The hostages that were freed from FARC this week in Columbia know a meaning to freedom that most won't.

Which, by the way, was an awesome story. I could read about it over and over and never tire. It's like a movie plot, but real. It's only a matter of time before it gets made into a movie a la Donnie Brasco.

This week I've learned a different meaning to freedom. My dear friend Rose went home to be with the Lord this weekend.

Rose and my mom have been good friends for 24 years. I've babysat her grandsons, tiptoed through the tulip festival with her and shared many laughs. She was a true encourager and a very compassionate woman.

God decided to call her home unexpectantly. She was only 65. Much too young by human standards.

Rose was planning to retire next year. She's held many mediocre jobs in her life and was looking forward to the day when she wouldn't have to anymore. She could travel to see her daughter and spend time with her grandkids.

God had a different plan. He decided to free Rose from that job earlier than she had planned. Why I don't understand why He decided it was Rose's time, I'm glad to know I'll see her again. Glad to know that she is with Him free from any of the sufferings on earth.

She's now with Kellen, her grandson. While I know I'll miss her and the friendship she shared with my mom, I'm so blessed I had the opportunity to know her. To spend time with her enjoying life.

John 8:36: So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

The Friday Five Faves Edition - Vol. 2

I realized, after Dena asked me to participate in 5 Fave Friday posts, this is right up my alley. I list everything in Top 5's. It's part my Type-A personality and part desire to be more like David Letterman, but with 5 instead of 10.

Probably less witty.


Definitely not read to an audience by some celebrity. Unless you consider your self a celebrity.


Here is my Top 5 Friday Faves...in no particular order:


1) My new issue of Paper Crafts. I love getting it in the mail. It inspires me to do a card or a page for my scrapbook like no other. Plus it gives really great ideas for graduation cards, baby/bridal shower card and wedding cards. All things I struggle with.


2) Janet Evanovich. I've never actually met her, but she looks darling staring out from the back cover of her novels. Specifically I love her Stephanie Plum series. I happened to stumble upon them about 6 years ago. It was during my romance novel phase. I went to the bookstore to find yet another romance novel and someone had misfiled One for the Money.


It's safe to say that book freaked me out. Utterly and completely freaked me out. I was living alone at the time and am a big, scaredy cat by nature. To read about some mystery involving a rapist and a woman living in an apartment alone, I was putting that book in the freezer at night and wedging a chair under the door. I got through it and am now a faithful follower of Stephanie Plum.


3) Fireworks. Growing up we used to go the road side stand and buy enough to have our own show in the middle of our street. I would run down the road with my sparklers, scream when the ground flowers got a little out of control and enjoy the pretty fountains of gold, silver, red and blue.


I was also the girl that sat holding onto the hose. I was sure the house was going to catch on fire and my belongings, including my teddy bear and He-Man collection would be lost forever. I've always been a little on the wild side.


4) Coach Outlets. I love getting a deal. Especially if that deal means I'll forever be united with a Coach purse. I bought one 2 years ago and it still looks new today. I'm not easy on purses.


We all know it's essential that a girl have a good purse that matches every outfit.


Praise the Lord for a Coach outlet. That $300 purse looks much more appealing with a $125 price tag.


5) Bermuda shorts. I'm not a big fan of the short. I'm actually envious that men get cargo shorts that look comfortable and casual. While women get shorts that are either made for my women who want to wear the waistband mid-rib cage or for a teenager with a metabolism that I vaguely remember.


Enter my friend Bermuda. It fits around a normal waist and covers the cellulite that the miracle of pregnancy keeps giving after all this time. All hail the Bermuda shorts. How I love thee.


Let freedom ring! Have a Happy 4th of July.

The Beached Whale Edition

Yesterday I was reading through some old e-mails. When I say old, I mean almost 2 years old. In history, that's nothing. In e-mail world, that's a long time and 1,000's of e-mails later. I think it would be safe to say that e-mail time is somewhat related to dog years.

I found an e-mail from December of 2006 when I was pregnant and blissfully unaware that both of us would be fighting for life in a mere 7 weeks. We were planning for the holidays and going to Hawaii to be with N's family for the new year. It's safe to say my biggest concerns were holiday shopping and what does a pregnant woman where on the beach in O'ahu?

On one hand I was glad that I could have a large belly and everyone would think my swimsuit was darling. On the other, it's humid in O'ahu in December and I'm not a girl who does well in heat, let alone when I'm packing another human.

Perhaps I should've remembered that before the basketball tourney last week. Oh how quickly I forget.

In several of the e-mails I referenced Zoe moving and being active. Was she ever! Those preachy What to Expect books said that my baby should have times of sleep and activity. I never thought Zoe slept. The girl moved ALL the time. I think her moments of sleep were from 5:00-7:00 every morning and that's it. That was a scary thought!

I found one e-mail in particular that made me cry. It wasn't about anything in particular. It told about N and I sitting on the couch, he was playing some computer game, I was watching Food Network (let's face it, that's a pregnant woman's channel), we felt Zoe move and got so excited. She was getting stronger.

I don't why that particular e-mail touched me so much. Probably because we still get just as excited to see her crawl or climb or eat with her very own fork. Now she joins in with the clapping and the excitement.

In December of 2006 I couldn't wait to meet her, see her personality and love on her. I was experiencing a small glimpse into my life as an expectant mom.

Now in July 2007 I see the personality that's coming out and realize that everything I had prayed for came true. She finds the joy in life, she smiles all the time, she has ideas that she's not afraid to share, she's confident and growing into such a fun girl.

I was cuddling with her before bed last night and she reached out to run my arm. I realized God answered a prayer I never asked for out loud. She's also full of so much love.

The I'll take a grande, non-fat, peppermint mocha minus the spare tire Edition

I have a confession to make. It's a confession that with no gray area. You will either continue to be my friend or you may cut me out completely. However, my mind is made up.

I don't like watching Oprah.

It's not that I don't like Oprah, but she's lost of the personal-ness of her early years. She'd be in the audience, asking questions and struggling to find the perfect outfit like the rest of us.

Then she found Bob Greene, Dr. Phil and Dr. Oz. She hired a chef, barista, stylist, hair dresser and make-up artist. She's got a magazine, a radio show and a media empire that would make Ted Turner proud.

I will agree that Oprah has done amazing things for women in this country. To be on top of Forbes wealthiest people's list and to be generous. That's character.

Or great tax planning.

Oh, I kid. She does great give-a-ways. I'm all about that kind of generousity.

I'm not so much into the spirituality of her show. She continually talks about how it's all in us to do amazing things with our life. That's where she loses me. It's all in me because God's in me. It's all about how God is working in me and not about anything that I do.

That's another post. For another day.

About a month ago I was home with a sick kid and she had a woman on her show talking about a 21-day cleanse. I knew this meant giving up some things like bacon, potato chips and birthday cake. Which are part of my basic food groups.

As I listened, I quickly realized what cleanse meant. It was about going vegan. Oh the horror. I really admire anyone that can give up all the goodness that is meat for tofu or giving up milk for soy. That has to take dedication.

Dedication that I lack. Sometimes a girl needs her ice cream. Or her bacon.

That got me thinking. This 21-day cleanse will do just that. No meat, no dairy, no caffiene. It's all roughage. When they say cleanse, they mean cleanse.

This could get me swimsuit ready. Sometimes a girl has to take drastic measures for swimsuit season.

The lady who wrote the book said to Oprah, "it's about progress, not perfection." To start my progress and my swimsuit preparation, I decided to cut out caffiene.

It's going to take many more weeks to even begin contemplating eliminating ice cream and bacon. A girl has to have standards.

I started my cleanse on Monday. I knew the Starbucks mocha was the culprit for my spare tire. I knew if I eliminated that, not only would I be svelt, but I would also have more money in my pocket to buy the new wardrobe I would need.

I also liked the term cleanse. Sounded like I was being healthy. In reality I was detoxing. The thought of not getting a mocha in the morning was enough to send me into a corner, in the fetal position, crying that I needed a fix.

I'm not going to lie, Monday was hard. Being in that fetal position most of the day made me a little sore. Without a mocha to help the anxiety, I was jonesing by 8:30 am.

Tuesday wasn't a peach either. I turned off the monitor while Zoe cried. The lack of peppermint and mocha made me ignore my child.

I realized yesterday the power of the peppermint.

I was crazy talking. Giving up the peppermint and the mocha was hurting my relationship with my daughter.

I gave in to the need for Starbucks this morning. It's like my car was on autopilot taking me to the land of sweet mochas and cinnamon scones. It is the reason I get up in the morning.

Oh Starbucks, I'm so powerless to you. You call to me in my sleep with promises of chocolate and caffiene. I am but a mere mortal.

Perhaps if I hired a personal barista I could get the mocha without the spare tire. Now that would be progress and perfection.

The Mother of the Year Edition

The heat is zapping any energy I have. The sign at a bank yesterday said it was 103 outside. That is just plain wrong on so many levels.

I think I could fry up some burgers on the dash of my car yesterday.

Last night, after I got home, Zoe and I had to make a trip out in the heat. I had asked April James to make a measuring stick for Zoe's room. It turned out lovely. She is an amazing artist. I'm so pleased. This picture doesn't do it justice. If you like it, you can go to her blog and e-mail her. She's wonderful to work with.

After we got home to our air conditioning and cooled down. Zoe and I played a little. She's starting to climb. Which is great because it does eliminate the concern of cerebral palsy.

However, she is a woman on a mission. A mission to climb the highest moutain.

She was trying to stand on top of her pretend kitchen last night to reach Handy Manny on television. She's his biggest fan.

Which I don't understand. He only has three fingers and all his tools do all the work for him. Really it's not Handy Manny, it's Tools That Do Their Job Without A Human and Talk. I guess in the city they live in, people would think talking tools are weird without some handyman carrying them around. Then again this is the same city where Mr. Lopart and his cat Fluffy both have a comb-over and take baths in their candy shop. Who am I to judge.

I guess I need to watch some adult TV shows soon.

Back to what I was saying, all this climbing wears me out. I can only sit on the couch, eat ice cream and say, "get down from there" so many times. It's exhausting.

So exhausting that I turned off Zoe's monitor last night in my sleep. I'm assuming I did this when she started to cry. If that's not Mother of the Year potential, I don't know what is.

Fortunately for Zoe, her grandma got up and fed her a bottle since her mother decided in her sleep that her child could go without for one night.

Doesn't she understand that a mommy needs sleep. Deep, quiet sleep. None of this get up in the middle of the night for a bottle. She's climbing, she can get herself out of that crib, shimmy down the dresser and get her bottle.

Who am I kidding? I'm a big softy. The first little whimper out of sweet Zoe usually catapolts me out of bed faster than Handy Manny and his tools can teach my daughter Spanish. That's saying something.

Today I'm living with parental guilt. I ignored my child's cry. I wonder how much in therapy bills this is going to cost me later.