Kelly's Dreams - 0, The Blobs - 1

This week has been full of at-home time.  We don't have our normal routine to pull us away from the house in the evening.  I get to go home from work everyday to see N and Zoe, still in pajamas, playing some kind of new game.  Last night they made a boxcar.  It was a real box turned into an imaginary car.  They were fixing a flat tire.  It's the kind of scene that makes my heart smile to the point of bursting!

I'm not the type of person who likes to sit around and relax.  It's safe to say that my idea of relaxing and N's idea are on opposite ends of the spectrum.  Because I have at-home time in the evenings, I have ideas.  Two nights ago I made homemade salsa and guacamole.  I know, nothing quite screams Christmas like salsa and guac.

We are doing a non-traditional taco bar for dinner on Christmas.  I even found a place here that makes homemade tortillas!  I got a taste of those in Austin and I fell in love.  I think I'm feeling more Feliz Navidad than Merry Christmas right now!

I've also go other, sweeter ideas.  The Pioneer Woman had a segment on her blog dedicated to frosting sugar cookies.  We're talking royal icing, piping and all around fancy.  I figured since I would be home, I would have the time to do fancy.  I had dreams of taking pictures, posting them to this here blog, with comments like, "it wasn't as hard as I thought!" or "they turned out cuter than I imagined!"  My mind became boastful and excited!

Last night Zoe helped me roll out sugar cookie dough and we decided to make stockings, candy canes and ornament shaped cookies.  Our first batch was some cute stockings.  Our cookie cutter was about the size of my palm.  Oh, they would make such cute cookies!  We set the timer on the oven and started to cut out candy cane cookies. 

Then the timer went off.  I opened the oven and gasped in disbelief.

I had no idea store-bought sugar cookie mix contained a secret ingredient.  Something I can only refer to as "the Incredible Hulk."  Those cute, palm-sized stockings had turned into a blob of cookie that grew to three times its original size.  No longer were they cute stockings, they were blob of cookie that couldn't be decorated into anything recognizable.

The candy canes did the same thing.

The ornaments, well I can't even talk about them.

All my plans were thrown out the window.  My desire to have fancy sugar cookies was dead; killed by cookie blobs.

N, bless his heart, said "I'd still eat them!"  Unfortunately he'll never know if he's eating a stocking, a candy cane or an ornament that now resembles a rectangle cookie with a weird point at the bottom. 

That Little Dough boy is probably at his bakery going, "mwahahahah!  Think you can pass your sugar cookies off as being homemade?  I'll teach you!" 

At least I'll still have the blissful memory of cutting out sugar cookies with Zoe.  She was precious and even had a little flour by her eye and on her forehead.  It was a time of innocence and hope.

I refuse to let this be the year that the cookie blobs won.  My New Year's Resolution is to find the perfect homemade cookie recipe, practice it to perfection and next year have all the fancy. 

If that doesn't work, I'll call the grocery store bakery, order about 2 dozen sugar cookies and then use royal icing to decorate them.

A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do!

Ho Ho Ho

There were no tears, some smiles and she asked the man in red for the same two things she's been talking about for the last month.



She even wore her cowgirl boots for the occasion.  She said they helped her be brave.

I'm not entirely sure how she's gotten so grown-up.

Smitten

I've been incredibly blessed.  I have three, amazing daughters who I love completely.  They freely give love and purpose to my life in a way I never dreamed possible. 

I have four, adventure-loving nephews that I love completely.  They let me love on them with cuddles, hugs and kisses when they were/are young.  They continue to let me love on them with hugs as they get older, so long as I keep it on the down-low and where no one but family can see.  You gotta respect their game if you're going to get hugs.

Nothing totally prepared me for having a niece.  Maybe it's because I have daughters that I have a different type of bond with her or maybe it's because she's personality plus, like my Zoe.  There is something about H-J that I can't get enough of.  Maybe it's this face:

In the last 4 days I've chatted with her on the phone a couple times.  There is nothing more precious than atting on the phone with a 9 month old who is a talker.  I rarely get a word in at all.  I'm not 100% sure I know what she's saying, I think it's something along the lines of, "how do I walk?  Zoe tried to teach me when you were here, but I've forgotten.  Mommy is a little nervous about me being totally mobile, so give me some tips Aunt Kelly.  I need to get this down."  Then she smooches the phone before she's off for her next walking attempt.

Whlie I'm on the phone with her, Zoe comes over, "is that H-J?  Is she coming over today because I'd like to play with her." 
It's safe to say I'm not the only one who is smitten. 

The Boy Bands Will Be Calling

Last night Zoe and I had the opportunity to see T-Dog and Con-Man (my nephews) perform in their school Christmas program.  In the past it's a musical and dramatic production.  The kids audition for speaking parts, the remainder of the children sing in the choir.  One year my oldest nephew, MJ performed a rap.  It's all very fun to watch and see my nephews perform.  We all share a love of the stage, so it's fun to see them shine.

This year there was some issues with costumes and other things that I don't quite understand.  Speaking parts were cut, the program was shorter and there was way more singing.  Con-Man had a speaking part that was cut, so there was some concern about him singing since he didn't have to learn any of the songs until this week.  They put him in the front row of the choir and we got to watch him sing some of the words and yawn and look around totally bored the remainder of the time.  He totally makes me smile!

Shortly before the program my sister informed T-Dog that he won't have to do any more music classes.  Apparently it was like Christmas came early for him.  Instead of being nonchalant like he usually is, he went out with a bang.  He sang with all his heart, danced, exaggerated and really looked like a member of a boy band.

My sister was next to me giving him signals like a third base coach.  From the look on her face, it was "knock it off!"  While she was doing that, I was giving him a thumbs up and Zoe was making funny faces. 

It was honestly the best school concert I've ever been to.  I laughed until I cried and beamed with pride and my ham of a nephew. 

The Legacy Begins

A couple months ago I mentioned some BIG news in our house.  D was chosen to be on Cabinet. 

It's a big deal simply because you get a shirt with your name on it, plus you get to speak at assemblies and over the intercom at school.  Maybe it's because I'm a ham, but I've always LOVED microphones. 

I'm proud to say, that while we have no shared DNA, we do share a love of all microphones.  We were both equally excited when D was chosen to have a speaking part at her first assembly last week. 

I actually got a bit choked up to see her doing this:

She stood there with poise and confidence.  As I looked over to her mom, I knew I had the same look of proud on my face.

D, we are SO proud of you.  Can't wait to see you do your first skit.  Love you sweet girl.

We Did Some Decorating

I thought, since I love Christmas decorations, that I would give you a tour of our home.  Plus, The Nester is hosting a tour of homes today.  I figured I would be better late than never.

The buffet in our dining room is full of fun stuff:  a present-shaped cookie jar, a reindeer name plate, a pretty candle, a frame with our Christmas picture in it and my favorite find, a cake stand with a verse from Luke on it.

Every year we have a birthday cake for Jesus, so I thought this would be a perfect way to display it.

This year I've also caught the quilting bug.  I saw this pattern by Sandy Gervais and I just had to do it.  It's called Adoring and it was so easy.


 

It's in my dining room so everyone can see it.

I love our tree.  It's a Martha Stewart tree, but you can't really tell it's not real.  Except for no smell and no needles, which is perfect for me.  I was informed by Zoe that WE.HAVE.TO.HAVE.A.STAR. on the top.  That's next year's plan.

We can't forget the actual nativity.  It's a Little People kind, which is so fun to play with.

We don't actually have a mantel, so the stockings are hung on the window with care.

A wreath from N's childhood!

A snowman star over our laundry room door.

A little bling for the kitchen.



Hop over to The Nester to check everyone else out.

The ATL Meets the GEG

My sophomore year of college wasn't too exciting.  I had contemplated not returning to Western Baptist because of some rules that I didn't agree with.  My mom told me that she wasn't paying for an extra year of college if all my credits didn't transfer, so I was stuck.  I went back not the happiest camper. 

One afternoon while I was working on a paper or maybe playing solitaire, I got a knock on the door.  It was a girl from down the hall asking if I wanted to run an errand with her.  Steph was someone I had always thought seemed like a super fun person, but was always imtimidated to talk to because she knew EVERYONE!  That day she asked me to run an errand with her.  I got her in Ford Fiesta and she threw a baggie on my lap.  As I unwound the baggie, I asked her where we were going.  She said, "Petsmart!"  As she said that I looked at the baggie and noticed a dead fish inside. 

"He jumped the tank and died, but he's under warranty so we're going to get another one."  I sat in the car, holding that dead fish, seeing spots and freaking out on the inside because there was only a small layer of plastic separating me from a fish carcass.  I kept my cool because I really wanted to be friends with Steph.  That is how Steph and I became friends.  It's a story that I was able to retell at her wedding and will share with all her children and grandchildren.  It's so touching, how could it not be shared?

After she got married to her amazing husband, she moved to Atlanta since that's where he lived.  I tried to talk her into a long-distance marriage so she would stay close, but obviously she really loves Kendall!  It's rare that we get to see each other because neither of us have private jets (which is a great Christmas idea!  We only need one between the two of us!).  When she came up to see her grandparents, I took a day off, loaded Zoe into the car and drove to wherever they would be. 

It was well worth it!  We got to spend time with Steph and her beautiful girls. 

It is such a blessing to have a friend that no matter the physical distance or the length of time between phone calls, we can still connect, still catch-up like it's only been a short while.  We've always said that our girls would be BFFs and guess what, they totally are!  They didn't even need a fish carcass to do it.  Progress!

Steph,

Thank you for being the friend I can always count on, no matter where each of us are.   Thank you for your constant support, encouragement and Modern Family quotes.  I'm not sure how many friends can form a live-long friendship over a dead fish carcass.  Honestly, you're the only person I'd ever touch a baggie with a dead fish in it for! 

I'm having N work on getting me a private jet so I can come to your neck of the woods and visit.  I love you friend!  Remember, your friends will run away if they're afraid of being chewed!

Kel

We Decked Some Halls

This weekend we were a full family.  All three girls were home so we decided to deck out for Christmas.  Because we were in Austin for Thanksgiving, our annual weekend after Thanksgiving decorating had to wait.  Honestly, it was great having three helpers this year.  Why I never realized we needed to tap into child labor is beyond me.  I don't think the tree has ever been put up so quickly before. 

Now that D and E are taller, the decorations can get put up higher.  For awhile the tree looked like Zoe did the whole thing because they were all at about the 3 foot level. 

We drank hot cocoa, listened to Christmas music, watched N break ice off the roof so he could hang his new LED lights and then we had a karaoke contest.

What?  You all don't do a karaoke contest post-decorating?  I'm proud to say I mastered a High School Musical song and am working on another one.  I actually think I do a pretty good job at being Sharpay.  I always wanted to be the mean girl in school.  That and she sings lower, so I can hit her notes easier. 

I'm waiting for the Grease version to come out.  I will totally rock those.  Maybe that could be for New Year's!

I'm a Whole, Not a Step

When you are expecting (whether through your womb or adoption), everyone tells you how rewarding, yet difficult it is to be a parent.  You nod, smile even and make some comment like "I'm sure it is!"  Yet you never really know what they mean until you're blindly wading into it.

When Zoe was a baby, I would be so tired of her every-two-hour feedings and her noisy sleep that I was sure we'd never get through another night again.  I'd get meaningful hugs as a woman whispered in my ear, "this will pass.  You'll get through it!"  I'd nod, smile even and not believe a single word she said.  Then, almost randomly it seemed, Zoe started sleeping through the night. 

As she did that, the next phase started.  The one where she knew what she wanted, but couldn't say the words.  There were moments of frustration for both of us when she just wanted something on the counter and her pointing didn't help me understand.  Then she started talking with clarity and I knew "nee-nee" meant binky.  I cannot describe how awesome it is to hear your child talk and actually communicate with you.  I felt gray hairs actually turning back to brown.  It was glorious.

As a step-parent nothing prepares you for what it's like to have children you love, children you want to impact and influence and yet you have no control over how they are raised.  You also don't go through the phases like you do with your own child.  You're thrown into pre-teen years without going through the lost teeth, the sleeping in a big girl bed, the skinned knees, the learning to ride without training wheels.  You're part of a totally different game.  It's a game where your heart plays in every inning without the benefit of having your name on the roster.

We are wading through some heavy waters right now.  As a mother my heart is burdened.  As a step-mother my mouth stays quiet to them and very continuous to God in prayer.  I want all my girls to know right from wrong.  I want them to all know that they can come to me with whatever they've done and I will lovingly accept them.  I want them to know that I will love them all forever and for always, but sometimes there are consequences for bad choices.  I want them to realize there are consequences for their choices, both good and bad.

Most importantly I want to be the mom each of them needs.  It's a fine line because two of our girls have a "real Mom" as they remind me often.  I think the hardest part is seeing, from the outside, how our girls' behavior is a consequence of someone's elses choices.  I'm powerless to stop it.  I can see the cycle and yet all I can do is love on them.  All I can do is show them, through my actions, that I love them, no matter what their choices. 

I can love on their daddy as he has to deal with this and the gray of his goatee gets a little more after each of these hiccups. 

I actually never knew how hard being a step-parent would be.  How emotionally invested you are.  How much you can love.  How little you can do.  I just pray that God shows me what He wants me to do and gives me the heart I need to have as their mom.  While society may put a "step" before my title, there is no "step" in front of my love. 

What to do in the Texas heat.

I'm a little teapot, short and stout...

...Here is my handle, here is my spout...

...When I get all steamed up hear me shout!  Tip me over and pour me out.

Almost Wordless Wednesday

She was born in the wrong state.

Turkey in Texas

If you haven't figured by now, this week will be all about Texas, cowgirls and our trip.  Mainly because I'm trying to adjust to my normal time zone and absorb the fact that while we were gone for only 7 days, we got 24 inches of snow.  That kind of math does very weird things to your psyche.  When we left we were in jackets. Now we're in snow boots, mittens, several layers of clothes and wool. 

I thought I'd share with you our Thanksgiving!  I know you've all been dying to see and read about it.  I remember as a little girl we always did two Thanksgivings.  One at one side of the family with 20+ people and a buffet style.  There wasn't a room big enough to fit us all in, so we just grabbed a plate and found a spot to eat.  The other side was smaller and we'd sit around a table and eat.  Both were very different, but equally wonderful.

Our Thanksgiving this year combines the two!  We had 12 people and sat around a table.  Aunt Mer has this beautiful table and dining room.  What made it even more gorgeous was her tablescape. 

All fall colors, place mats, formal setting and olives.  Cans and cans of olives!

This year Zoe and I offered to make the place cards.  I saw little pilgrim boats in the Pottery Barn Kids catalog.  Instead of buying I thought we could use that as our idea and make them out of felt.  It actually worked!  I love when things like that work.  We filled them with jelly beans, M&Ms and Werthers. 

Then we decided on some pictures!  This year we had four generations present.  N, Zoe, Grammy and G.G.  Plus N's younger sister lives in Austin, so we also had Amanda, H-J, Grammy and G.G.  Instead of separating them, we just combined them.  Such an awesome group of people!

We also decided to get some pictures of G.G. with two of her great-granddaughters.  I think trying to rope a wild bull is easier than trying to get a picture with two, small children.  Sometimes H-J was looking at someone else.  Sometimes Zoe was checking her cuticles...

As the photographer, I realize that when Zoe is 25 and looking at this picture she'll say, "mom, why didn't you get me to look at the camera?"  I will just smile and say, "when the cuticles call, you have to answer."

Cousins, Cannons and Tea

We are back home from Texas.  It was my first trip to the large state and I wasn't sure what to expect.  It was hot, which took a little getting used to.  It was brown since it's winter and even though it's 75 degrees, apparently grass and stuff still dies.  I think what shocked me the most was how small the trees are.  I know Oak trees aren't small, per se, but compared to a forest of pine trees that we have here in Washington, those trees look small.  Not everything is bigger in Texas!

I will tell you the love in Texas is as big as the love in Washington.  We had the awesome privilege of meeting H-J.  She's 8 months of cuteness!  She immediately loved on Zoe. 

We couldn't just kiss and play all the time, so we took a trip to The Alamo!  I know I'm going to sound like a historical tragedy, but I honestly didn't know what happened there.  Since Zoe was very anxious to get outside and chase some squirrels, I'm still not sure I know.  Something about Davy Crocket, a guy who invented Bowie knives and a battle with Mexico.  Then I saw some petunias in November and was just as distracted as Zoe was.

Until we came to a cannon!  Actually we came upon several cannons.  Obviously there was a battle here and I think it's how Texas became a state in the U. S. of A rather than Mexico.  Again I was distracted this time by the size of Zoe's guns in comparison to the little cannon.

After we had chased all the squirrels into cacti (cactuses?) and looked at all the pretty flowers, we went to the San Antonio River Walk.  If you ever get the chance to be in San Antonio, chase some squirrels at The Alamo and then do the River Walk.  It's probably one of my new favorite places.  A river goes through downtown, you can eat along the river and just enjoy the warm weather in November!  If you're feeling carefree, you can take a boat along the river. 

We were totally carefree!  We even had Aunt Dee Dee to enjoy our carefree attitude with.  You can't ask for anything more!

Since we were totally carefree, we also decided to stop by Fredericksburg.  It's the cutest, weirdest place in Texas.  It's a German town in the middle of Texas.  Instead of BBQ, you can get sauerkraut.  I'm not sure about you, but I think I'll stick with BBQ, even though I'm sure most of my German ancestors are rolling in their graves right now.  They have a ton of adorable shops, the nicest folks and tractor seats along the street to sit on. 

After all the walking and all the sightseeing, we had to make it back to our kin for some tea. 

It was one of the best vacations I've been on.  Zoe was loved on and spoiled.  We were able to love on and smooch H-J.  We had time to sit, put our feet up and reconnect with our family.  I think I can speak for all three of us when I say, we weren't ready to leave.

Howdy Y'all

                                       

Things here on the blog are going to get a bit quiet this coming week.  We are leaving on a jet plane to warm temperatures, good BBQ, great music and many quilt shops that I've never been to before.  Granted they don't know about the guilt shops yet, but I'm working on batting my eyes and looking ever so irresistable. 

On a side note, this little fact has turned me into my mother.  When I was in junior high and high school my mom had this book called The Quilter's Travel Companion.  It listed quilt stores in every town in the US with a map on how to get there.  Anytime we went anywhere, we had to stop by quilt stores.  I was horrible.  I'd complain, ask to leave and generally be put out that we had to go to another quilt store.  "Isn't all fabric the same, mom?"  Then I'd roll my eyes.

Fast forward a couple decades, I've got my Quilter's Travel Companion and I've ear-marked the stores I'd like to hit.  Because I am my mother's daughter, I'll use the same star stickers she did to denote if I'd return to that store.

I'm not sure Austin is ready for us.  Our legs haven't seen the light of day in months so I have a feeling we're going to scream "tourist."  Fortunately we have a slew of family down there that love us for who we are.  They'll likely switch our SPF 75 sunscreen out for baby oil, but hey, it's about making memories.

I hope y'all have a great Thanksgiving and are reminded of all the blessings you have in your life.  If you also get to visit a quilt store, that will make this Thanksgiving even better.

Sleep, Precious Sleep

For the last month we've had interrupted sleep.  Zoe started out with a cold, then she got the cough.  Because she's a gagger, coughing is always fun.  Once we turned the corner on the illnesses, I foolishly thought that we could go back to sleeping through the night.

I couldn't be more wrong.

The last couple weeks have been filled with dreams.  She's been having nightmares.  She can't tell us what they're about, she just knows she needs mommy there to cuddle and make it okay.  Both N and I struggled with nightmares as children, so I have a soft spot in my heart for Zoe and her dreams.  I can clearly recall the horrible dream I had as a child and the only thing that made it better was my mom cuddling me. 

I'm so blessed that I can do the same for Zoe, even if it means I drink Starbucks like it's water.

This week we decided that before bed we'd talk about our favorite parts of the day and even what we would dream about.  My hope was to fill her head with good things so the bad dreams might not come in.  I'm proud to report that it's working.  She's having great dreams.

Last night she started laughing and chuckled, "it's a deal" as she giggled harder.  Nothing made my heart beam than hearing her laugh in her sleep.

That was until 3:30 when I heard "MOMMA!"  I rushed into her room and she goes, "is it time for school yet?" 

"No sweetie, not yet.  It's still ni-night time."
"Will it be soon?  They sing really fun songs there!"

Apparently both the nightmares and the good dreams wake her up.  She was just too excited to go to school and sing some songs.  She couldn't fall back asleep until 6 o'clock.

How can you get mad at your child when they're just excited to sing songs with their friends and learn at school?  I guess it's another Starbucks morning!  This momma is singing her own tired song this morning.

Yo! Gabba Gabba

There are many shows you have the privilege of watching once you have kiddos.  Some of them are great and some of them make you scratch your head.  One show Zoe LOVES is Yo! Gabba Gabba.  It's a DJ and his creature friends who sing and dance.  Because Zoe loves to sing and dance, I can totally understand why she loves the show. 

Foofa, Muno, DJ Lance, Toodee, Brobee and Plex (clockwise from the pink one)

N has a really hard time stomaching it.  It's okay, mainly because of Biz's Beat of the Day, which is Biz Markie giving us a beat with his vocal abilities.  Beyond that, I'm a bit lost.

Several months ago we learned that Yo! Gabba Gabba was coming to do a live show.  Because of Zoe's love for it, we bought tickets.

At the last minute N had emergency band practice, so he got out of it.  I'm not quite sure if he talked his band into having practice or if it was God's little blessing to him.  Either way we had an extra ticket and ended up taking my youngest nephew Connor to the show. 

He had no idea who Yo! Gabba Gabba was but was just excited to be out with us.  We went to dinner at Red Robin, arrived in time to get shirts for the kiddos and get our seats about 3 minutes before show time.  Connor just picked one of the guys, Brobee (the green one) and claimed him as the favorite.  He sat down, yelled for Brobee and immediately became a groupie.

Zoe's heart belongs to Toodee (the blue one).  She got her Toodee shirt and couldn't stand it, she started yelling for Toodee.

Then the show began.  The kids got up and danced, they sang, balloons fell from the ceiling, confetti rained down and I was blown away.  Those Yo! Gabba Gabba folks can really put on a great show. 

It was a night of laughs, dancing, joy and bonding.  Plus I got to see Biz Markie in person do his beatbox.  It was even better than that guy from those Police Academy movies.

November is Prematurity Awareness Month

If you've read my blog for any length of time, you'd know that we were touched by prematurity.  Actually if you want to get technical, both N and I were born prematurely too.  This isn't something that's new to us, although Zoe's birth was by far the earliest premature birth in either family. 

She weighed in at 2lbs, 10 oz and I'm almost sure as we were making mashed potatoes last night that one of our potatoes weighed as much. 

That time in our lives was devastating, emotional, full of worry, full of joy and shaped who we are today.  Our story ends happy.  Zoe is alive, without significant problems of asthma or cystic fibrosis, loss of hearing or eye sight, mental disabilities or the many more effects that prematurity can have on a child.  We are incredibly fortunate that the only effect of premature is some slight cerebal palsy in her left heel chord.  If you saw her today, you'd never know it was there unless you walked through the physical therapy with her.

Zoe's prematurity left an impact on us in ways we are still experiencing.  God took us through this journey, carried us, shaped us and without Him I'm not sure we would've survived that journey.  It was a time of emotional ups and downs that both N and I handled in our own ways. 

We spent 9 1/2 weeks going into that NICU and Intermediate Care Nursery, watching babies come and go.  Some thrived better than Zoe and some didn't.  As a parent you're barely ready to handle an infant, let alone a preemie.

Once we finally came home we were up every 2 hours for feedings.  Zoe was on several medications that we had to manage and we had to watch to make sure she remembered to breathe.  I think every parent worries about their child not breathing, but prematurity takes that to a deeper level.  We had to learn how to use breathing tools and infant CPR in case she were to stop breathing.  One time in her swing she did. 

I share all this because November is Prematurity Awareness Month.  In the United States 1 in 8 babies are born prematurely.  This number has grown at a rate of 30% since the 1980s.  Prematurity is the leading cause of newborn death worldwide. 

The March of Dimes was originally established by FDR to fight polio.  Since it's origin, it has switched efforts to fight prematurity.  This month please consider donating to March of Dimes.  They have made huge strides to slow the rate of premature births in the United States.  So far they've seen a 3% decline in the number of premature births, but there is still much work to be done.

As a parent I felt helpless and guilty for Zoe's prematurity.  To see her struggle and fight just to have the same chance as a baby born 10 weeks later was heart-wrenching.  The March of Dimes is an organization that is near and dear to my heart.  My prayer is by the time Zoe has children of her own, the cycle of prematurity in our family will end.

She's Full of One Liners

Last weekend Zoe asked both daddy and me on a date.  On Monday night we decided it was a great time for a date.  We went to dinner at Red Robin and then to Target to do a little shopping. 

As we were headed home, we got behind a slow truck in the parking lot.

N:  "C'mon people, get a move on!"

Zoe:  "Daddy, do you need to check your blood pressure?"

I have no idea where she gets it, but I love it.

Trick or Treat

This year was a banner year for trick-or-treating.  It was Zoe's second year, but her first year of being really excited and totally loving "knock on someone's door and get free candy" aspect of the night.  We did about a 1/2 mile loop and she ran from door-to-door for the first 3/4 of it.

She couldn't wait to get to the next house and the next house and the next house.  Her smile charmed more candy out of people and we ended up with a full pumpkin bucket by the end of the night.

Really, how could you only give one piece to this face?

After her and grandma got done sorting through the candy, she played trick-or-treat with daddy.  She handed him her bucket and told him to say trick-or-treat, then she'd put candy in it.  He was supposed to say thank-you after she got done putting candy in it, so she could have the bucket and do trick-or-treating to him.  Daddy doesn't play by the rules and instead looked in the bucket, looked back at her and said, "trick or treat" again.

Zoe put more candy in the bucket, daddy looked at the bucket, looked back at Zoe and said, "trick or treat."

Zoe put more candy in the bucket.

When he said "trick-or-treat" one more time, Zoe went to get more candy.  As she did that, she looked at daddy and said, "you're killing me smalls."

Pumpkins

Several weeks ago we went to Seimer's Farm at Greenbluff to go through the corn maze, drink apple cider, go down a giant slide, ride a train and pick pumpkins.  It was the last weekend of great weather, so we got several pictures of the girls.  This year we were all happy, unlike last year.  It was an extra special day.

The girls each picked a pumpkin and we decided this last weekend would be the perfect time to carve them.

E pulled out the guts.

D figured out a design while Zoe started on hers.  She LOVED the poking of the design onto the pumpkin.

After all was said and done, we came out with a pirate for D:

Two happy faces for E and Zoe and a spider for me.

It was great Saturday fun. 

It Was Like Being in a Cave with 100 Children

Last night was our Harvest party at church.  Every year we hold a carnival for kids to enjoy getting candy, playing games without being outside in the cold.  Plus it's an opportunity to hear a gospel message.

We do it on AWANA night so kids will know that something happens on Wednesday nights that they can come to, but also a chance for our AWANA kids to get dressed up and get candy!

Typically we have about 65 kids at AWANA each Wednesday night.  Last night we had 95 kids.  Our gym was finally rebuilt after the snow storm of 2008 and this is the first year we've been able to hold it in the new facility.  I actually lost part of my voice because you had to yell to talk to the person next to you.

It was fabulous.

I got to meet many of my kids's parents, D & E each had friends from school show up for the night and some people from the neighborhood just stopped in because they saw something going on.  Not to mention Zoe got to jump in the bounce castle like 6 times!

It was an amazing night of fellowship and laughter.  For months I've been praying that God would grow our AWANA group.  Even though there is no guarantee that we will have an additional 30 kids show up next week, God answered my prayer last night. 

Replaced

Every Wednesday at AWANA, my mom and I lead the beginning time.  We sing songs, play games, recognize birthdays and generally get the kids all riled up for the night.  It's been so fun seeing all the kids jumping around and having fun. 

It's also a great opportunity for us to get to know some of the kids in the other groups that we don't work with. 

Last week I stayed home because I was coming down with a cold, that is still lingering by the way.  I always thought the shelf life of a cold was 7 days.  Apparently this one likes to put in overtime.  Overachiever!

Anyway, I was gone last week.  My mom brought up my replacement.  She's about 3 feet tall and LOVES to sing.  Zoe is usually in her room during the opening time, so she's never really been around.  Until last week.  She got a taste of the stage and fell in love. 

She was telling all the kids what the songs were, she was the loudest one singing and I heard that other kids were watching her to know what to do. 

She woke up before I had to come to work this morning and asked if she could sing on the stage tonight.  Apparently the excitement of it was so much she woke up an hour early. 

I think I've been replaced.

You Can't Eat Diapers

Last week my friend Becca had to come up with an idea for a baby shower at her work.  She asked for some help, so we came up with the idea to make a diaper cake.

When I told Zoe that Aunt Becca was coming over to make a diaper cake, she furrowed her brow and said, "but mom, you don't eat diapers!  You can eat frosting though."

In our first attempt to make a diaper cake, it was actually surprisingly easy.  I think it turned out pretty darn cute.

The Dam Joke

One of my favorite things about N's new job is the "dam" jokes that I can use.  I learned this week that I'm not the only one who enjoys using them.

After school, Grandma took Zoe to lunch at a restaurant with a play area.  As it turns out a couple friends from school also went to lunch there.  Zoe got to play with her friends.

One of her favorite things is pretend play.  Often times I'm Zoe and she's the mommy.  Or I'm Zoe and she's the teacher.  It's really quite cute.

At lunch she decided to do some pretend play and she annouced to her friends that she was going to her "dam job."  I'm positive the 3-year old crowd doesn't really know the different types of the word dam, but I know their parents do.

Grandma was quick to share that daddy works at a dam.

I guess it's safe to say that the dam joke is on me now!

Germ-A-Palooza

I think I'm going to get shirts made soon.  It seems like we've gotten tickets to Germ-A-Palooza and I didn't even know it was in town.  I was warned that when Zoe started school to plan on her being sick.  I had zero clue what that meant.  Apparently in the world of germs, that includes pneumonia, a stomach bug and the start of a cold. 

The poor girl has been sick for almost three weeks with something. 

There is one thing she didn't catch and I couldn't be more thrilled.  About 6 weeks into the new preschool routine we received a letter from the teacher.  Some child in her class had lice.  I can handle vomit, boogers and all the other stuff that comes from being sick.  Small bugs in her hair?  That is almost too much for this mommy.  Given that Zoe compares having her hair combed to having her nails pulled out with pliers, I'm so grateful that the lice stayed away.

I'd like to say we're on the mend, but she has preschool, AWANA and tap class all within the next 48 hours, so I'm just praying we don't get more sick!

We've Created a Legacy

One of the highlights of my 6th grade year was being selected for Cabinet.  At my elementary school, a select group of 6th graders ran the student government for our entire elementary school.  We would run the assemblies, facilitate the candy sales, host movie nights and sponsor any fundraiser.  Only 12 students were selected to be on Cabinet and it was a very prestigious position.  You had to submit your application and wait to see if you were selected.  Usually around the middle of October a letter would come in the mail letting you know if you made it or not.

I was fortunate that my best friend also made Cabinet.  Some others in the group weren't so fortunate.  It's an important life lesson in empathy and compassion.

You have to sign a contract with your parents that you'll keep your grades up and still maintain your responsibilities on Cabinet.  I missed many hours of actual classroom time by being on Cabinet.  It was one of the best things of my childhood.  It taught be about writing speeches, presenting, organization and leadership.  The tools that I learned with Cabinet have carried me through much of my life.  Miss Wagner, the librarian who runs the program, is someone I still keep in contact with.

A certain 6th grader in our family received her letter this weekend.  D is officially on Cabinet.  I couldn't be more thrilled for her.  She's entering the age where being socially accepted is critical.  I know she's struggled with friendships and other things at school, so when this news came I just praised the Lord.  I think it's exactly what she needed at this point in her life.  She's growing into such an amazing young lady and my prayer is that her time on Cabinet will help her continue to grow, but also give her that feeling of acceptance that I know she craves and needs.

I love having something in common with her.  I love being able to see her excitement as her mom told her she was accepted.  While we may not be related by blood, we are by Cabinet.  I wouldn't want to share this honor with anyone else.

On the Altar

For several months I’ve been earnestly praying that God would shape my heart to be a woman who serves Him well, a wife who serves N well and a mommy who serves our girls well. It started one night when I felt completely inadequate to be any of those things. Zoe was showing her independence, we had just had D & E for a weekend and I was easily frustrated with them, N wasn’t doing what I thought he should and I felt completely incompetent to be a wife and mom.


As I sat in prayer, I knew it wasn’t N or D or E or Zoe that was the problem, it was me and my heart. I realized that as long as I tried to control things, I would continue to stand in the way of all the things He could and would do for my family.

So for months I prayed for God to take my heart, mold it, shape it and make it His. While I’ve still got a long way to go, I know my heart is starting to change. My desire to control isn’t as strong as it used to be and my patience level has dramatically increased.

One thing, one story keeps coming to mind. It’s found in Genesis 22:1-22. It’s the story of Abraham offering Isaac as a burnt sacrifice. First off I just want to say how grateful I am that Jesus died on the cross and shed His blood so that we don’t have to do any kind of sacrificing. I don’t even like touching raw meat! Can I get an amen?



What I find most fascinating about this story is how it’s written to be so matter-of-fact. It lays out what Abraham was told, how he prepared, where he took Isaac and that God saw Abraham’s faith, stopped him and blessed his descendants. There is no editorial to the story. There is nothing that says Abraham’s men saw he was burdened. That Isaac had fear in his eyes as his father bound him. Nothing says Abraham didn’t sleep for three days or that he was often seen crying. As a parent, I’m convinced if the story was editorialized, those things and many more would be in it.

What strikes me most about this story is that Abraham was willing to give Isaac to God, no questions asked. As a parent, that’s how we’re supposed to be with our children. God didn’t give us D, E and Zoe. He put them in our care, but they are and always have been His. Zoe looks like me and can wiggle her toes like N, but she has never been ours. She is completely His.

Every day God calls me like He did to Abraham. Every day He asks me to put them at His feet, to trust Him enough with the most precious gifts in my life. I can honestly say there are many times daily, or even every hour, that I fail to accomplish this. My heart’s desire is to trust Him completely with my heart as a parent, with my heart as a wife and with my heart as His child.

There are times when it would be easier to say that I know better, that I cannot possibly do what He’s asked me to do. Yet, just like Abraham, we have to trust that His plans are greater than our plans. While I’m still discovering this truth, still learning how to trust Him completely and how to give up my heart for His heart, I am in awe of the things He’s doing to my relationships. I can honestly say I love deeper because of His hand in my heart. If that’s the blessing that comes from laying myself and the girls at His feet, I can in some ways understand Abraham better.

I'd Totally Become a Groupie

For several months now N has been part of the worship team at our church.  He plays his bass guitar, sits on a stool that is taller than all the rest and rocks out during worship.  It's awesome to see him doing what he loves and praising Jesus. 

I've gotten used to sitting in the fourth row and my paranoid about people staring at the back of me and thinking thoughts like, why would she wear that belt with those jeans or I hope that shirt looks better from the front!  What can I say, I've got some issues about being in the front row.  Although one Sunday we did start the wave, so it does have it's perks.

This past Sunday was extra special.  Not only did N play his bass, but he sang.  Not just with all the worship team, but with just one other guy.  He did a duet.  I've always known he could sing, but he's so modest about it.  Two weeks ago he went to men's camp, stayed up until near dawn jamming with the guys and apparently that cured him of whatever voice phobia he had. 

I couldn't be more proud.  It is amazing to be married to a man who loves Jesus and isn't afraid to show it.  It's even cooler when he's part of the band and I can sit in the fourth row and admire him.  I happen to think he looks pretty good. 

Thank you N for being our role model with your love for and desire to serve Jesus.  You bless and enrich my life.  I will forever be your groupie.

Our Dates

This weekend it seemed like N and I were in different directions.  He spend most of his weekend with his friends.  Friday night he had a friend over to play some World of Warcraft so Zoe and I went on a date to Red Robin for dinner and then to Grandma's house to make our Halloween costumes.

Saturday N went with some of the men from our church to help stack wood for a lady in our church.  She uses a wood stove as her main heating source in the winter, so every October the men in our church head to her house and chop the wood for her.  While it was quite a bit of manual labor, N had a blast.  I think it's fabulous that he dedicates his time on Saturday to help our church family.

That meant that Zoe and I were on our own.  We went to her school for a book fair, bought her some new additions to her library and then we went on date number two for lunch.  Then it was off to church for an ice cream social with some ladies to welcome our new pastor's wife.

What really hit me this weekend was how truly blessed I am.  I have a husband who loves his family, both our nuclear family and our church family.  I have a daughter who I am blessed to spend time with and actually wants to spend time with me.

Even though we were going in different directions this weekend, N and I had our souls fed with friendship and family. 

I think it was a good weekend for Zoe too.  She asked daddy on a date last night.

Thoughts Before Bed

The pneumonia is keeping Zoe fairly tired.  She is taking naps most afternoons and still ready for bed and sleeping in.  While I know she's feeling better, she's still just wiped out. 

Yesterday she fell asleep on the way to dance class.  When I tried to wake her up to see if she wanted to go to dance, she shrugged and said, "it doesn't matter."  I let her sleep and when we got home we couldn't get her to wake up until 5:45. 

That means she'll be extending bedtime a bit.  As we lay in her bed last night, with the lights out she got completely chatty.  Here's part of our conversation:

Zoe:  Mommy, what's your favorite part of today?Me:  Cuddling on the couch and watching Beauty and the Beast with you.  What's your favorite part?
Probably the same.  What's your favorite word?Love
What's love?
It's how I feel about you and daddy.  I love you both.  What's your favorite word?
Stink
Stink?
Yep, like a skunk stinks.  P! U!
Okay.
What do you think daddy's favorite word that starts with N is?Um, maybe noodle?
I don't think you know daddy very well! (laughing hysterically)

I'm not sure this would be funny to read or what Daddy's favorite N word is, but Zoe has totally random thoughts.  I'm so blessed to have these moments with her.  I love how her mind works.

Ants

Zoe has a new bedtime routine.  She is hungry or wants a drink of water or needs her doll or needs a blankie or needs to check on her school bag or ...

The girl has become the queen of stalling.

A couple nights ago she complained to daddy that she was hungry, this was their conversation:

Zoe:  Daddy, I'm starving.
N:  How can that be?  You've been snacking for most of the night.  How do you know you're hungry?
My tummy is talking!
Maybe it's upset and you need an antacid.
You can't eat those.  We don't eat things with ants on it!

My Heart Work

For the last year or so my heart has been burdened. God has placed my role as a parent, specifically a mother, on my heart. My mom is someone I can talk to about anything and I know I will always get first love and second wisdom. It’s true whether she agrees with me or she doesn’t.


She is someone who loves me unconditionally and sacrificially. I desperately want to be that mom to my daughters.

For the first few years of our marriage, I struggle with being a step-mom. Not because of the girls, but because of the relationship N and his ex-wife had. There was much baggage that surrounded that relationship and if effected our marriage.

Now that all that garbage is worked through, I’ve been burdened to be a mom to all three of my girls. Just because I may not be their “mom,” I’m absolutely blessed to be a part of their life and my love for them is the same as my love for Zoe. I desire the same relationship with all three of our girls. Because I’m the step-mom to D & E, I’m in a unique position to be an influence in their life without the stigma of being the “mom.” Already they tell me things and confide in me. I have a feeling I will know more about their lives than their parents do because I’m not officially their parent.

All that to say, my burden to be a good mom is even stronger.

I don’t want to discount the mom I want to be to Zoe, but the relationship isn’t as unique. I’m just her mommy and she’s just my little girl.

I’ve been praying for direction on how to balance being the mom who is training and shaping them and the mom who is an example. I know that may seem odd, but with the influence the world already has over our older girls, I find that my training and instruction has to be critically in line with my example for all three of them.

This weekend I had an awesome opportunity to attend a conference. Originally I thought it would be a time of learning how to minister to children through our church ministry, but I found workshops on parenting. I came away with great ideas on being a Biblical example and on discipline. It was as though God spoke directly to my heart.

While I’m still not sure what all this means and what He has planned, I know He’s working in me.

The Med Ward

For the last week Zoe has had a runny nose.  Like her mommy, she has allergies.  So I didn't think too much of it.  Until Monday when there was a cough to go along with the runny nose.  Because she didn't have a fever, I wrote it off as allergies again because my drippy nose makes me cough.

After her first field trip on Wednesday, she just seemed tired and lethargic.  I decided we needed to make a doctor appointment.  I'm the parent who like the doctor to tell me it's a virus than to assume, especially right before a weekend.

Wednesday night she ran a low-grade fever and the coughing began to hurt.  She complained of a sore throat and said her ears were talking to her.  When I asked her what they said, she replied "hmmmmmmm." 

We got an appointment for yesterday afternoon.  The verdict:  pneumonia.

My poor girl has pneumonia.  Fortunately it's just the start of it, so I'm hopeful with antibiotics and loads of rest this weekend we can keep her on the road to recovery.

Sometimes, even though she's a few months away from being 4, I still feel like she's my preemie.  Part of the concern with her as a baby was her lung development.  We stayed home and didn't go out to avoid any kind of lung-related illness.

I know she's closer to being a kid than she is a baby, but the fear is still very real.  If you feel led, would you pray for my girl?  I know our Great Physician has her in His hands, as well as her doctors, but I just pray that we can rest, relax and recover!

This is Sirius

When we bought our new car it came with a year free of Sirius Satellite Radio.  At first we didn't really listen much to it because there are like 999 channels and 975 of them are either sports or finance talk shows.  I just resigned to the fact that it would just be a button on my radio. 

Then I went on a road trip and realized I needed to find something to listen to while Zoe slept.  I came across an all 90's all the time channel.  It instantly transported me back to my youth.  Most of my care-about-music youth was spent in the 90's.  I can remember hearing Bel Biv Devoe for the first time and thinking they were the coolest band EVER!

Then came Janet Jackson, Paula Abdul, Beastie Boys, Aerosmith, Pearl Jam, Depeche Mode, Nirvana, Will Smith and many others.  I can sing almost every song they play on the 90's channel.  I LOVE it.

This morning I heard some Bel Biv Devoe, Pearl Jam, Depeche Mode, Duran Duran and Will Smith.  The only problem is that you also hear songs you'd rather not.  Here's where I may lose some of my friends with this admission.  I don't really like Dave Matthews Band.  Which, like Nirvana, are thee band of the 90s. 

I think it's cool they use every instrument ever created.  It's not often you can get someone to play a lyre during an acoustic set.  They are very talented.  My problem isn't the instruments.  It's Dave's voice.  It sounds like what a violin's voice would be if they could talk. 

We all know a DMB song because, like The Beatles in England, DMB is pumped into our subconcious.  You end up singing along to the nonsensical lyrics.  Lights down you up and die.  Really?  I don't get it.  I'll bet no one besides Dave himself gets it.  Yet you sing it because it's catchy with the horns and lyres in the background.

Nothing against all of you DMB fans.  I'm just not one of you.  If I'm around you and a DMB song comes on, please be fully prepared for me to sing along in my imitation Dave voice as I make up words.  It gets me through the 15 minutes of each song.

This is The Day

Our car is equipped with an iPod hook-up.  It's one of the greatest car features I've ever had.  The only problem is my memory to actually charge my iPod.  I created a CD of Zoe's favorite songs from my iPod, so she'll never know that mommy forgot to charge the iPod.

She has her favorites.  We usually have to shake to The Wiggles' Shimmie Shake and be princesses to Cinderella's A Dream is a Wish.

Last night, after we were driving home from our ice cream date, she was just looking out the window and singing to herself.  The song was a Veggie Tales song, This is the Day.  She usually makes me skip over that one since it's close to the Cinderella song.  Apparently the one time she listened to it was enough to help her memorize it.

There is nothing more heart-warming than hearing your child sing praise and worship songs absentmindedly while she looks out the window.  That song is now just part of who she is.  I'm so glad God gave me that day too.  It is definitely His handiwork.

A Table For Three

Since Zoe has been alive her daddy has either works nights or gone to school at night.  For the last three and a half years Zoe and I have done the weeknights together.  We would go on dates together, go shopping together or attend whatever activity she was involved in.  Many times we'd go to the YMCA to go swimming or go to her tap class.  It's always been the two of us.

Now daddy is home.  We are experiencing some transition adjustments, but for the most part, having N home at night is a HUGE blessing. 

This week alone he's gone to dinner, gone to AWANA, ran errands and gone to dance class with us.  It finally feels like we are complete.  Instead of texting him and sending him pictures of Zoe's and my outtings, he gets to experience them with us.  We are making our memories and getting a taste of what life will be like when we are done with school and the apprenticeship.

We like it.  It's so much fun watching our girls grow together.  It's one thing to tell him that Zoe spends all of dance class staring at herself in the mirror, but it's a totally different experience for him to see it and smile with me.

I'm excited for our family of three to do things together during the week.  It's been one week so far of a blessing I'm going to cherish for the next 9 months.

The Excitement Is Palpable

In AWANA the kids are divided into groups.  Cubbies are 3-4 years old.  Sparks are kingergarden through 2nd grade.  T&T clubs are 3rd through 6th grade and there is a boys group and a girls group.

D & E are in T&T Girls.  They LOVE it.  Zoe is in Cubbies and LOVES it too. 

Each group has what's called a starting book.  It's basically an introduction to the program and there are memory verses.  You have to pass the starting book before you can get your club's shirt (a vest for the Cubbies and one for Sparks and a polo shirt for the T&T group).  It's a big deal for our girls to say all the verses in their starting book to get their vest or shirts.  A certain mommy may have used that as leverage to help her Cubbie learn her verses.

That Cubbie may have gone to AWANA last night and said all her verses to her teacher.  When N picked her up last night Zoe's teacher told him she could now get a book and a vest.  As Zoe and N waited in the foyer, I ran to the office to buy a book, bag and vest for Zoe.  I didn't even make it back up the stairs before I was tackled by Zoe as she screamed, "MY VEST!  MY VEST!  CAN I SEE IT?  OH BOY!  CAN I WEAR IT?"  She jumped and hopped in excitement.  I don't think she's ever been this excited in her life.  She could not contain it.

That smile makes this mamma's excitement just as palpable.

I have a feeling next week, we're going to have another girl who is just as excited.  D will likely be getting her shirt next week. 

It's a good week at our house.

A Family of Five

Tonight is AWANA at our church.  It's a children's ministry for kids up to 6th grade to learn verses, play games and hear some story about Jesus.  I attended AWANA at our church when I was little.  At 8 years old, it's where I heard the story of salvation in a way that made sense.  It was because of my AWANA leaders that I went home, verified the story with my mom and accepted Christ as my savior.  This ministry is near and dear to my heart. 

For the first time ever, this is a family event.  I'm co-directing the younger kiddos, N is leading the older boys, Zoe is in the Cubbies program and D and E get to come this year.  Tonight will be the first week we're all going together. 

Two years ago I never would've thought this day would come.  I never would've believed we would have D and E during the week and that N would agree to be a leader.  Today it is that way.  I love to see how God has worked in the lives of my family.  To Him be the glory.  May each of us grow in Him this year through AWANA. 

I Heart Sleep

This weekend was the first week N was home to stay.  It's been gloriously wonderful.  I got home for work on Friday to a spotless house.  He didn't just clean, he organized, threw out old food and deep cleaned the house.  I know flowers are what most girls like, but a man who cleans so I don't have to speaks my love language. 

My mom offered to watch Zoe that night so we could go to dinner.  We ate Chinese food, bought a movie and lounged at home. 

I think I left the house only once more all weekend.  We ate home cooked food, sat in sweat pants and just relaxed.  I think I finally caught up on sleep since before Zoe was born. 

I think I'm really going to like having N home in the evenings. 

We're a Whole Hand Now

If you would've told me in high school that I would marry the guy with the mullet, I wouldn't have believed you.  In fact I didn't believe people when they told me that. 

I'm so glad they were right. 

N,

Five years ago you made me your wife.  I'm so blessed that you picked me in high school and years later.  I love you with everything that I am.  Thank you for being God's greatest blessing in my life.  Thank you for blessing me with three beautiful girls. 

Thank you for introducing me to the Marvel Comic movies.  Thank you for making me BBQ'd food.  Thank you for letting me always be right, even when you know I'm not.  Thank you for never making me learn how to use the lawn mower.  Thank you for cleaning up your shaving bits in the bathroom after you shave.  Thank you for giving me rides on your motorcycle.  Thank you for not making me feel guilty when I eat two doughnuts and you only eat one. 

I have learned so much from you these past five years and it makes me excited for the next fifty.

I love you with all that I am. 
Killer