Bothered

For the past several months, I’ve been struggling to understand people.  What motivates them?  Why do they care about certain things and not others?  What makes someone care about anything?

I had a revelation today.  Most people can’t be bothered. 

Bothered means to take the trouble; to trouble or inconvenience oneself.

Most people don’t want to take the trouble or inconvenience themselves to make something happen or to stop something or to change something. 

If my child has a messy room, unless that mess is inconveniencing her, she won’t bother to deal with it.  If there are days of dishes in the sink because I go on strike, if that doesn’t inconvenience my husband, he’s not going to bother to deal with it.  If someone in the office is making it hard for everyone else, unless it inconveniences the management because people are leaving and they’ll lose revenue, they can’t be bothered with it.  If I’m struggling with something in life, seek a listening ear and am told they don’t want to get in the middle of it, they mean they can’t be bothered with me.

I am having a hard time understanding why.  Why can’t people be bothered?  Why are we so lazy and so selfish as a human race to do anything remotely inconveniencing? 

I’ve got news for people:

Life isn’t meant to be lived in an easy chair with a drink in hand.

Life isn’t meant to be easy or painless. 

Life isn’t meant to always include days where you are well-rested and unburdened.

Life isn’t fair. 

Life is about others. 

Life is about relationships.

Life isn’t just about there here and now.

 

When we die there will be things said about each of us.  What exactly do you want them to say? 

Kelly always had the most comfortable easy chair.

Kelly never experienced any pain.

Kelly was so well-rested.

Kelly’s life was always the most fair.

No one, in the history of ever, has had those words shared about them.  The reality is I want people to say this:

Kelly was such a devoted wife and mother.

Kelly loved with every fiber of her being.

Kelly was always there to help.

Kelly loved serving God in all areas of her life.

Kelly experienced extreme trials and always sought God’s plan for those.

It shows a life that was bothered. 

There is a reason the Bible is very clear that everyone will give an account (Romans 4:12, Matthew 12:36, 2 Corinthians 5:10).  Someday that’s going to be me.  No excuse will pass the test.  None.  You can’t get the same God who knows my inner thoughts to believe me when I give Him a lie.  I will have to be held accountable for everything I did and everything I didn’t do, but should’ve.

I have no idea how eternal life works, but if it says I’m going to give an account, I better be comfortable with the account I’m going to give.

The Heart

This saying was posted to Facebook:

here’s to the girls:

whose fathers broke their

hearts before any boy could.

Parents, by nature, are going to make mistakes.  They are human, they have emotion, and they don’t know everything. That is part of this journey called life.  I’m extremely tired of blaming parents for life’s hardships.  We live in a world where people desire to be the victim and will do anything to live in that role.

My parents were never married.  I am an illegitimate child.  My father took off when he found out my mom was pregnant.  My mother, being an outcast even in the 70’s for being a single mother, didn’t list him on my birth certificate for fear that she would lose me.  There was no parenting plan.  There was no child support.  There was nothing.  He preferred that because then he didn’t have any responsibility for a child he didn’t want.  When I was 10, my grandpa died and I was a young girl desperate for a male influence in my life.  I reached out to my father.

If I was lucky, I got one phone call or letter a year.  When I was 15 he admitted that he never thought about me, he never remembered my birthday, he didn’t care about me, and he didn’t want to be my dad (he had a son that he was a dad to).  It was then that I realized the treasured birthday cards from him, weren’t actually signed by him.   It was at this critical moment in a girl’s life that I believed the lie that I was unlovable.  For the next decade of my life this lie would be the foundation of all my self-worth. 

I share all of this not for sympathy, but instead to show that I understand what that statement means.  I can tell you, my father, despite his choices, did not break my heart.  My father, through his actions, molded my heart. 

As a 15 year old girl, he stripped it of immaturity and wrapped it up during a time of life where most girls are willing to give their hearts away. 

As a 16 year old girl, his actions made me understand what it means to forgive and to be willing to allow forgiveness to enter my heart and heal it.

As an 18 year old girl off to college, his actions made me know my heart couldn’t handle rejection, so instead I guarded it and was protected from many poor choices I could’ve made.

As a 25 year old girl, my father’s actions molded it into a heart that was founded not on what men told me, but what God told me about myself.  It wasn’t easily swayed into love by compliments or wooing.  It was guarded because I realized it was precious. 

As a 27 year old girl, my father’s actions helped me to see a man who was willing to love that heart, despite its scars, and hold it, cherish it, and help it to grow.

As a 37 year old woman, my father’s actions helped me to see how much my husband loves with all his heart and how he freely gives love, patience and guidance to me and his daughters. 

To the girl who posted that Facebook picture, I say this:

Every single choice you make will have a consequence in your life.  I realize, since you are a teen, you do not fully understand how long consequences can last or even how deep they can take root.

It is your choice whether you accept both your parents as the ones God gave you and love them, in spite of how many of your expectations go unmet. 

It is your choice whether you will be the victim or the survivor of any situation life throws at you.

It is your choice whether your words will be used like a light that shines in the darkness or like dynamite that will destroy everything around it.

It is your choice whether you will work on a relationship or let it go.

It is your choice if you walk away from a man who desperately loves you and replace him with other men in your life.

The reality is, that man, your father, will love you until he has no more breath in him, despite how many times you make a choice to tear him down.

It is your choice.  Make sure you are ready to live with the consequences.