Yesterday was hard.
I quit my job in April to work in ministry and was beyond excited and had full peace that it was what God was calling me to do. One week later, my current job countered and promised some things. God gave me peace about staying, He showed me that He was testing my faithfulness. Was I willing to leave the good pay, the comfort of what I know and follow Him where He was leading? I was and still am.
Some of those promises that were part of the counter-offer were immediate and instantly stress was lifted off my plate. New stress entered, but it was the kind of stress that would get me to the place I wanted to be. It would give me the position and the responsibilities that I have been working toward and, in many respects, already doing. One week ago I got a promotion! That wasn't even one of the promises.
The final promise from April just now happened. Yesterday.
Yesterday was hard.
As I sat in my manager's office, listening to the information, I cried.
This whole process has been about refining my control. By refining, I mean totally obliterating it. God has wanted me at His throne, realizing His power, His plan, Him. It's been such an amazing lesson and much needed.
Yesterday He told me that my goals, while good, are not His goals for today. As I went home, I cried and I opened a book I've been reading. It is on the floor, tears streaming down my face in the middle of the ugly cry, where I met God. He is El Roi (row-hee), the God who sees.
In Genesis 16 Hagar is the servant of Sarai and Abram. Sarai cannot conceive, so she tells Abram to sleep with her servant Hagar and get her pregnant so he will have a son. Abram does it. Hagar gets pregnant. Sarai gets mad and takes it out on Hagar, who flees into the desert.
There Hagar meets God and calls Him El Roi because He saw her, saw her pain, saw her mistreatment, and shows her His plan for her.
It was such a beautiful hug that El Roi gave me. He saw me in that office, He saw my expectations, and He saw them shatter. He also sees His plan, His purpose and all the things that it's not my time to know.
As I prayed this morning that God would go into the office before me, He laid my manager on my heart to seek her out and ask her how she was. When I did that, God showed me His plan for this. Because my God is the same God who sees her pain, her struggles, her need for someone to ask her how she's doing.
If He had answered my prayers and met my expectations, I wouldn't have seen His plan, His child who needed someone to care, Him.
I praise El Roi, the God who sees. May He find favor in His servant whom He sees.
