To understand this more clearly, consider
that every act of aggression can be divided into two parts: intent and impact.
Intent first refers to what you meant when the aggression occurred; impact, to
what actually happened. The meaning behind “just kidding” is: if I didn’t
intend to hurt you, the impact didn’t occur. If I was just kidding, or I didn’t
mean it, I can’t get in trouble. You can’t be mad at me. You can’t not be my
friend. And so on.1
I read this
quote on a blog and it got me thinking about how we communicate with each
other. Before texting and social media,
you had to talk to other people with your voice and your words and your
tone. Whether that was through a phone
or face-to-face, you could understand more than the written word allows.
I remember
in high school I sat at a table with three other girls in science class. One girl pulled out her lipstick and started
to put some on. I was fascinated because
her lipstick was flat on the top. She
had used it so much that the point was gone.
Only one other person in my whole life has had lipstick that wore down
like that: my grandma. I could not figure out how you do that. To this day, I can’t make my lipstick do
that. When I saw that her lipstick was
flat on top I said, “your lipstick looks like my grandma’s!” I was excited and amazed. She took it as an insult. She just looked at me. Then the other girls looked at me, mouths
open. So I clarified, “it’s flat. How do you wear it down so it doesn’t have a
point on it?” That’s when it struck both
of us that the meaning of my comment wasn’t a judgment, but a compliment
because I thought it was cool and amazing.
For the next three days in class I made sure she knew that I wasn’t
putting down her lipstick. The look on
her face told me just how my words had impacted her. I never wanted to be the cause of a look like
that on anyone…ever again.
Translate
that into Facebook or Instagram or Twitter or Kik or whatever other social
media there is and you get a totally different outcome.
I throw out
a comment “that looks like my grandma’s” and she would be left to take that as
she read it. I can’t see the look on her
face or even know that my comments were taken as an insult. I can’t fix any damage because I’m unaware
there is any.
To combat
this we have sayings like “just kidding” or “just sayin’” or some other equally
quick reply that is supposed to take the meaning to that fun, joking
level.
Can I speak
some truth? Anyone who says, “that bagel
you’re about to eat has so much carbs in it that it could literally kill you,
just sayin’” is judging you. They feel
that it is okay to state their opinion and it’s okay because they’ve thrown
that “just sayin’” on the back of it that somehow makes the impact less. I’m here to tell you, it doesn’t lessen the
impact.
Calling
someone a dork online with or without a “jk” on the back is judging someone. Because you can’t know the tone in which the
statement was made in someone’s head as they were typing it. The impact then becomes how the reader takes
it. You have no control over how it is
interpreted.
I’m a firm
believer that a joke is meant to be funny, no matter if it’s written or if it’s
spoken. Name calling on social media,
without the benefit of spoken words, is never funny. It’s simply name calling. Words like:
Ugly
Fat
Dork
Stupid
Jerk
B****
have
meanings. Throwing a “jk” on the back
doesn’t change the meaning. It doesn’t
even change the impact. The second you
call someone “ugly” they don’t hear the rest of what you say. The impact has already occurred.
Likewise words
like:
Beautiful
Smart
Amazing
Awesome
Gorgeous
Handsome
have meanings. Would you throw a “jk” after one of those
words? Typically not.
We are in a
society that has discarded in-person interaction. I believe that creates a huge
responsibility. I read a quote that
said, “if you’re mean on the internet, you’re just mean.”
One of my
struggles is with words. I’ve seen the
impact of my words many times over and I need constant reminders that I am to
affirm rather than destroy. Over the
last three years this has been a lesson that God has impressed upon me.
James 3:10 “Out of the same
mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.”
Our words
have impact, despite what our society has created as buffers (just kidding,
just sayin’, etc). We have a responsibility
in person or on social media to type with more care, more concern, more clarity
because once you throw a comment or a word out there, your intent and impact are
no longer in your control. Praise and
putdowns do not come from the same heart.
1http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2010/08/no-offense-but-i-was-just-kidding-dealing-with-mean-jokes/
