N Spells Love

I'm the extrovert, social butterfly of my marriage.  N is the homebody who will be social when I make him.  Don't read that as he can't be social, he's very charming, but it's not his comfort zone.  He likes being home.  Being around his stuff, not having to put on fancy clothes or put on his game face. 

I like being out.  Home is good, but not all the time.  I like having a full calendar, I like being around people and being involved in a variety of activities. 

N and I balance each other out. 

Sometimes that balance gets out of whack and it's usually a result of my expectations not being realistic.  I can tend to put social demands on N.  He's gone from the house 18.5 hours a day Monday thru Thursday.  On the weekends he just wants to hole up at home, put on some sweat pants and be. 

I'm ready to do things as a family.  We need to go swimming, take Zoe to the preschool carnival and go go go.  He just wants to be home.

We had a little tiff this weekend because of my expectations and his needs.  Zoe and I went off to the carnival, while N stayed home.  I was sad that he would miss out on our time together. 

When I got home, he had my Valentine's day present.  He had spent the entire morning cleaning our house.  We're not talking just picking up, we're talking spring cleaning.  Everything was dusted and shiny.  The house smelled clean.  Papers had been sorted and dealt with.  The house looked new. 

I felt horrible.  My present was a clean house so I could relax the rest of the weekend and my present to him was a guilt trip.

I'm not entirely sure how I deserve the love of a man who just loves me because I'm me.  Someone who is willing to do amazing things for me, even though I don't allow him to be him.  It's a love that I cannot comprehend, yet am so grateful for. 

Thank you N for being my Valentine, my partner and my teacher.  I learn more and more from you each day.  I thank God that He gave me you to traverse this life with.  Heaps and hords my love.