Let's have a staring contest!

Recently I have been searching for an answer to a specific prayer request.  I’ve have an area of my life that I feel God is telling me that I'm not where He wants me.  I have been earnestly praying for an answer. 

Then a door opened!

It was a dream door.  It was something I knew, just knew was God showing me His plan.  I practically ran to that door.  It was a full-on sprint, which is amazing since I’m not really a sprinter.  I’m more “spring-training with Oprah” kind of speed walker…if I have to.

I have prayed earnestly that God would keep this door open while I was speed walkin’ toward it and it would be the answer I’ve been seeking.  I got that peaceful feeling that this was where He was leading me. 

As I reached this door, one final piece of information took the peace away.  I prayed earnestly for God to tell me that it was my human concerns causing this discontent rather than Him. 

The door kept shutting.  As I continued to pray for God to clearly, like so clear there’s no doubt, no questioning, show me this was His plan, He continued to shut that door.

It wasn’t His plan.

Can I be candid?  I cried.  It was the ugly cry.  The one where I make unnatural sounds, can’t breathe, can’t talk, all kinds of hot liquid pour out of my face and I have red eyes for hours. 

This was my plan.  This was my expectation. 

God, very clearly said, “this is not MY plan for you right now.” 

After I caught my breath and went through a box of Kleenex almost as quickly as I can go through a box of Chip’s Ahoy, an incredible peace came over me.  While I’m still sad, I know this is right. 

It doesn’t mean I understand.

It doesn’t mean I’m done grieving.

It doesn’t mean that I have any clue what His plan is.

It just means that I know God and this plan of His is ALWAYS better than mine; even if I don’t understand, even if I am sad and even if I’m completely clueless.  I have Peace that only He can bring. 

This morning God very clearly spoke to me.  By clearly, I mean it was like He has a megaphone that mirrors the decibel level of the 12^th man cheering. 

Do you want to know what He said?  The first three sentences of my devotion went something like this:

“Fix your eyes on Me.  These problems are Satan’s way of distracting you.  Eyes up child, eyes up!”

Hebrews 12:2 “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

“Fixing our eyes on” something isn’t a phrase we use in our vocabulary.  It’s actually only one word in Greek:  aphorao.  It means to stare at something intently.  I am to intentionally stare at Jesus because He is not only the creator of, but the sustainer (or perfecter) of my faith.    

Does it change the discontent in this area of my life?  Nope, not in the least.  Instead of staring at the struggle, I’m told to stare at Jesus. 

I’m not always successful, but I can tell you, without question, the peace I feel when I do stare intently at Jesus, overwhelms me.  I don’t know about you, but I could always use more peace during my day.