The Youth Zone Edition

My freshman year of high school was terribly painful. I've actually blocked out most of the year from my memory. We had moved to a house far away from my friends. Fortunately my mother had connections and I was able to go to the same high school. Because I couldn't drive, I only saw my friends at school. Weekends were a total bore.

I was coming out of junior high. Which, at the time, was the worst experience of my life. The whole two years I spent there depleted any self-esteem I had from elementary school. To this day, junior high is still in the top 5 worst life experiences.

If the school issues weren't enough, I was also dealing with the realization that my biological dad didn't care or love me.

It's safe to say I felt very alone and depressed. Because my mom didn't know what else to do with me, she insisted that I join the youth group at church. Which, at the time, seemed like a fate worse than junior high.

To make it really seem like punishment, she insisted that I join the leadership team. She went almost as far as filling out the application for me. It's not because she thought I had leadership potential, but there was a requirement that you had to be at all youth events, youth group and Sunday School. It was her ploy to get me out of the house and correct my surly attitude. I applied for the leadership group to shut her up, knowing full-well they wouldn't select me.

Apparently she had connections there too.

To show my full commitment to this leadership team, I wore all black as often as I could and never smiled.

Then two things happened. Our youth pastor, Dan, abruptly resigned because of personal reasons. Our youth group was in a state of shock and chaos. Three of us on the leadership team bonded together to keep things afloat.

Then Marc and Trudi came right before my junior year. I stopped wearing all black and actually enjoyed myself. Marc and Trudi ministered to me, created an environment of unity and led me back to the Lord.

When I look back on high school, it's not school that I remember at all. It's youth group. I spent most of my free time hanging out with all my "church friends" or toilet papering Marc's and Trudi's house.

Youth Zone was a place that built many of my friendships, taught me about real faith, introduced me to the man that would become my husband and left a lifetime of memories on my soul.

Last month, we had a reunion. Some of the faces I haven't seen since I left for college. They're now married. Their spouses are as wonderful as I had hoped for each of them. Their children are precious. It was like the family reunion where you see distant cousins and realize how much fun you have with them.

There was much laughter, memories and tears (mainly just mine because reunions like this leave me a little emotional, which is part of my charm). I'm so blessed that each of these people are part of my life. They have all helped define who I am and my faith.

If it weren't for God bringing these amazing people into my life, I might still wear all black and have frown lines. Thank God for His miracles.

The it's just your sleep talkin' that gets in the way Edition

Now that Zoe is getting older, more of her personality is starting to show. I love it. She has ideas, she interacts and she makes me laugh out loud on a daily basis.

Her new thing is talking. The girl does not stop. I have no idea what words she's saying, although I think I could make out blood pressure while we were at the hospital visiting Aunt Bevie.

From the moment she gets up to the moment she hits the REM cycle, the girl is talking. When you ask her questions, she has answers.

This week we've seen another side of our little talker. The sleep talkin'. I'm enjoying some REM myself and then I hear "bah dah dah dah baba thah baby." In the past, if you hear this over the monitor at two o'clock in the morning, the first thing you think is "oh crap, she's awake, this is going to be a LONG morning."

I make a bottle and go in there ready for a couple hours of rocking.

She's snoring and curled up. She's in her REM, having some dream, telling me all about it over the monitor.

From the time we brought Zoe home from the NICU, she's been a loud sleeper. For the last couple months, we've had relatively quite nights. I knew God had a sense of humor. I just didn't know He'd be delivering the jokes through my 17 month-old in the middle of a good REM cycle.

The it's going to be a bumpy ride in that valley Edition

I have a confession to make. I'm not proud of it, but I feel I have to own it. I need some accountability.

I haven't been a good listener.

I've been praying and reading my Bible. God put something on my heart that I didn't want to listen to. So I kicked, screamed and looked the other way.

He was leading me to the book of James.

I know you are all probably thinking, "so what?" It's a proven fact that anytime our church does a study on James or our small group does a study on this book, life gets all flipped turned upside down (as the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air would say). As an adult, I've really tried to avoid James.

I don't know why it's like this, but the book of James scares the living tar out of me. It's written very directly and there is no gray area. It discusses things like gossip, being a living example of your faith and all this other daily struggle stuff. All things I struggle with. I don't like having my faults called out, nor do I like the bumpy parts of life.

I'm a bit like a Disney princess when it comes to life. I would prefer to sing, dance and have everything end in a nice, neat package.

James disrupts that. In a big way. In a way that I apparently need.

We have some things going on in our life that are less-than fun and cause more stress than I think I've ever known. Do you know what happens when you're going through all that and you're trying to avoid what God is telling you to do?

Well, my friends, it ain't pretty. I get emotional, cynical, depressed and mean. I know, all things you want as a blogger friend!

Last night I started reading James. Really reading it. Digging into it and trying to allow God to give me the guidance He wanted me to have.

You know what, I feel better this morning than I have in a couple weeks.

James 1:17 - Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like the shifting shadows.

The on top of old smoky or the couch Edition

Friday I got home from work to my mom in the office typing and Zoe in the living room. She was watching an episode of My Friends Tigger & Pooh.

Standing on the couch.

She had scaled the cushions and was enjoying the view.

I was proud of her. We've been waiting a long time for the climbing.

I was proud of me. I didn't freak out. I stayed calm. Actually congratulated her for such an amazing job.

My mom came out and felt horrible. She'd gone into the office 30 seconds before I walked through the door.

We have a climber. She's fast! Welcome to the world where everything is a step-stool.

The loud and proud Edition

This week was Zoe's first week at Vacation Bible School. Grandma helped in the nursery so Zoe could experience VBS and more social time. We had some trouble in the past with poking other children, so we try to expose Zoe to other kids as often as possible.

I have nightmares of not socially equipping my daughter enough that school and her social life are paralyzed by it. Oh the worry of a parent. It's a constant friend that haunts me in my sleep.

If the paranoia wasn't enough, the screaming. Oh the screaming. She also has a problem being left in the nursery while N and I go to church. It's some serious separation anxiety and we've yet to break it in the past three months. If I'm not in the room, hysterics. She throws herself on the floor, alligator tears start flying, snot starts dripping, she starts screaming and no one can calm her down except me.

As you can imagine, I've only heard two songs and one prayer in the last three months before our number flashes on the screen. Unless you count the crying of babies a form of worship. Then I've been doing quite a bit of worshipping!

We thought a week of VBS, three hours a day in the nursery, she may feel a little better about the place. Now that she can use the slide correctly, it's like a park with air conditioning.

Apparently this park is a place for mommies and their babies. Zoe isn't happy about being alone in there yet. Despite spending 15 additional hours there.

I am proud to report, in addition to learning the slide at VBS, Zoe is also displaying a very sweet side of her personality. She shares all her food. She wants all the other children to have a snack like her. Instead of eating right away, she'll take her crackers, cheese or fruit to the other children first.

While I can't be in the service with N, it is such a joy to see our child caring about others.

The Friday Five Faves Edition - vol. 3

I'm back with a top 5. I know you have all been awaiting my list for this Friday. Since this week has been a mix of excitement, worry, pain and joy, the list will be all over the place like my life.

In no particular order, my Friday Five Faves.

1) Can I tell you how happy I am that Project Runway is back on?! It's like people watching at a haute couture mall. You add in Tim Gunn's blunt comments and that my friends is a good time.

I'm not sure who I like yet. It's too early to tell. I will say I am so glad that somewhere else in Washington state besides Seattle is getting props. Granted Blayne is an odd color of orange, calls his form "girlalicious," and created a leotard with a built-in diaper, but beggers can't be choosers.

I loved Kelly's design with the bleach and dye. She really did stand out. So did Stella. Not for the right reasons. She picked trash bags. Then complained that it wasn't good material. Because it's made for trash!

Looking forward to next week.

2) I am probably the last person to discover this, but I have to share. Shutterfly.com. You can upload pictures and create a digital scrapbook. Then, the best part, Shutterfly will print it and send it to you.

OR you can create your own digi pages and send those to Shutterfly to print and bind. This is the scrapbooking solution for mothers of small children!

3) Mongolian restaurants. N and I went on a date last night! It was so much fun. We had dinner at a local mongolian place. While N ate too much, I love that I can create my own dish with all the foods I want. Since I'm a picky eater, this is my kinda place. Since N likes seconds, this is the perfect place for him too!

4) Starbucks spill sticks. I discovered these little pieces of genius today. They are like a stir stick, but fit into the little spout of hot drinks so they don't spill. No more peppermint mocha caked to the cup holder of my car. If you get a hot drink from Starbucks on the go, ask for one if you're not going to drink it right away. It will save a mess in your car.

5) I realize this last one is going to age me quite a bit. However, I'm sending a shout out to Dr. Scholl's. I love heels and wear them almost every, single day at work. I also don't mind wearing heels that cause a little discomfort if it completes the look.

Sometimes we all suffer for fashion.

This kind of suffering creates little issues with feet. Namely toes. This week one of my piggies was squealing. Not a pretty squeal. It was the sound of fear and pain. Fear that I had done something that would prevent me from wearing open toed shoes again.

Pain. Oh the pain.

Apparently it's a corn. Dr. Scholl's had just the appropriate remover. My piggy is normal again. Flip-flops (do you remember when these were called thongs?) here I come.

Happy Friday all! Enjoy the weekend.

The "kiss my grits" Edition

I’m not sure how many people remember Mel’s Diner, but it was a fine piece of television programming from my youth.

If you can imagine, I was that 4 year old saying “kiss my grits” when asked to perform anything close to waitress-type duties. I’m sure my mother was beaming with pride.

If cerebral palsy is that surly cook manning the grill, then Zoe is Alice.

Yesterday at VBS, Zoe was playing on the slide in the nursery. For the first time she climbed up to the platform all by herself. She even started with her left foot, which started the whole concern about cerebral palsy.

Then she sat and went down the slide. The room erupted in applause.

Zoe looked cerebral palsy in the face and said, “kiss my grits.”

This time, both my mother and I are beaming. Genuinely beaming.