Due Date

In September 2006 I was given April 6th as Zoe's due date. I looked forward to this date and thought it was the perfect time of year to be born. When the seasons are changing, the flowers are blooming. It was the start of my new role as a mother.

I know I frequently talk about Zoe's birth, but when something unexpectedly changes how you view life and more importantly, deepens your relationship with God, days like April 6th bring all those memories to the forefront once again.

Hanging in Zoe's room is a poem that my mom gave to me before we even knew we were having a girl. It had a place for the ultrasound picture along with a place to mark the date of the ultrasound and the due date. On November 17, 2006 we found out we would be having a girl. That evening I filled in the information on the poem and placed Zoe's picture in there.

Forever it will read April 6, 2007 as her due date.

To see that brings tears of joy and tears of sadness. Joy that we are both here, both miracles that God allowed.

Yet there are tears of sadness. Memories really of all those days I spent in the hospital, so sick, so full of pain, so full of guilt that I could've done something from preventing my liver from rupturing. Memories of Zoe struggling to remember to breathe, being swollen from the C-pap machine, the IV's, the blood transfusions, the hours spent crying that I had to leave my baby for another day.

April 6th became to mean the date she may get to come home. Most preemies stay in the hospital until her due date.

After I was discharged, we had 7.5 weeks to go until April 6th. It was the longest 7 weeks of my life.

On April 2, 2007 we got the call we had been waiting for. We needed to bring an overnight bag to the hospital to spend the night with Zoe before she got discharged in the morning. I spent most of April 2nd at the hospital, learning CPR, how to use the oxygen mask should Zoe forget to breathe. It was the first night ever that I had spent in the same room as my daughter.

It was exhaustingly glorious.

She came home April 3rd, three days before her due date.

Yet April 6th seems to hold the meaning.

Today, April 6, 2009 Zoe is talking, running, dancing, tumbling, coloring, singing, cuddling, climbing and feeding herself, just like all other 2 year olds. On April 6, 2007 you couldn't have convinced me that in 2 short years the 6 pound baby that I cradled would grow into this amazing toddler that I get to love on daily.

Thank you Lord for my miracle. Thank you for making her healthy, strong, opinionated, smiley, cuddly and perfect. I am so blessed to be alive, by your grace, to watch her grow into this lovely, little girl. Thank you for teaching me, in those 7, long weeks to cherish each moment with her. You held her in that NICU and You hold her today. Thank you for blessing me beyond what I deserve.