My Heart Work

For the last year or so my heart has been burdened. God has placed my role as a parent, specifically a mother, on my heart. My mom is someone I can talk to about anything and I know I will always get first love and second wisdom. It’s true whether she agrees with me or she doesn’t.


She is someone who loves me unconditionally and sacrificially. I desperately want to be that mom to my daughters.

For the first few years of our marriage, I struggle with being a step-mom. Not because of the girls, but because of the relationship N and his ex-wife had. There was much baggage that surrounded that relationship and if effected our marriage.

Now that all that garbage is worked through, I’ve been burdened to be a mom to all three of my girls. Just because I may not be their “mom,” I’m absolutely blessed to be a part of their life and my love for them is the same as my love for Zoe. I desire the same relationship with all three of our girls. Because I’m the step-mom to D & E, I’m in a unique position to be an influence in their life without the stigma of being the “mom.” Already they tell me things and confide in me. I have a feeling I will know more about their lives than their parents do because I’m not officially their parent.

All that to say, my burden to be a good mom is even stronger.

I don’t want to discount the mom I want to be to Zoe, but the relationship isn’t as unique. I’m just her mommy and she’s just my little girl.

I’ve been praying for direction on how to balance being the mom who is training and shaping them and the mom who is an example. I know that may seem odd, but with the influence the world already has over our older girls, I find that my training and instruction has to be critically in line with my example for all three of them.

This weekend I had an awesome opportunity to attend a conference. Originally I thought it would be a time of learning how to minister to children through our church ministry, but I found workshops on parenting. I came away with great ideas on being a Biblical example and on discipline. It was as though God spoke directly to my heart.

While I’m still not sure what all this means and what He has planned, I know He’s working in me.