The Value of Words

Over the past few weeks I’ve caught two people lying to me.  In both instances they’ve lied about inconsequential things.  One told me they were married when they are actually getting married next month.  The other told me they by chance ran into someone, but I know they actually had plans with this person.

It makes me wonder why lie about a fact that is so inconsequential.  Why tell me you’re married when you’re not yet?  Why tell me that you by chance ran into someone when you actually had plans with them?  I don’t get the purpose of the lie. 

The truth is we all lie at some point in our lives.  Most of the time I lie because I’m trying to make myself look better.  I left late and tell people “traffic was horrible”.  I’m lying because I think it makes me look better because it’s not me just being late.  I also lie because I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.  “No that dress looks amazing on you.” 

Even these “little, white lies” impact the value of my words.  If I tell someone a dress looks amazing on them and really another style is flattering, will they trust my answers going forward?  If I use the traffic excuse and I’m late every time, people will know I’m lying eventually!

These lies that I’ve heard may be over inconsequential facts, but they make me question everything these people have ever told me.  If they can so easily lie about little things, what big things are they lying about?  I no longer trust them. 

Then I begin to wonder how many people don’t trust me.  How many times have I been caught in a “little, white lie”?  How many times have I promised to do something and don’t follow through?  Isn’t that the same as lying?

God brings me to this verse:

Matthew 5:37 “All you need to say is simply ‘yes’ or ‘no’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”

Usually this verse is used when people promise or swear an oath, but I really believe it’s more than that.  It goes down to the intention of my heart behind the words I speak.  Do I promise something knowing that I have no intention of ever doing that?  Do I tell a lie because my intention is to never look bad? 

God gently tells me that by doing this, it’s for the evil one.  If my words have no value, it’s because I’ve given into the evil one’s temptation.  Trust is a beautiful, precious gift.  It grieves me that I may have lost trust because of my choices and it grieves me that it is lost because of other’s choices. 

Our words are a window to our intentions.  Our intentions are the mirror of our hearts.  I challenge you to ask yourself:  what words are coming out of my heart?

That question has convicted me this week.  I praise God for that.  The more we shine His Light into our sin, the less that sin has any power over us. 

Bothered

For the past several months, I’ve been struggling to understand people.  What motivates them?  Why do they care about certain things and not others?  What makes someone care about anything?

I had a revelation today.  Most people can’t be bothered. 

Bothered means to take the trouble; to trouble or inconvenience oneself.

Most people don’t want to take the trouble or inconvenience themselves to make something happen or to stop something or to change something. 

If my child has a messy room, unless that mess is inconveniencing her, she won’t bother to deal with it.  If there are days of dishes in the sink because I go on strike, if that doesn’t inconvenience my husband, he’s not going to bother to deal with it.  If someone in the office is making it hard for everyone else, unless it inconveniences the management because people are leaving and they’ll lose revenue, they can’t be bothered with it.  If I’m struggling with something in life, seek a listening ear and am told they don’t want to get in the middle of it, they mean they can’t be bothered with me.

I am having a hard time understanding why.  Why can’t people be bothered?  Why are we so lazy and so selfish as a human race to do anything remotely inconveniencing? 

I’ve got news for people:

Life isn’t meant to be lived in an easy chair with a drink in hand.

Life isn’t meant to be easy or painless. 

Life isn’t meant to always include days where you are well-rested and unburdened.

Life isn’t fair. 

Life is about others. 

Life is about relationships.

Life isn’t just about there here and now.

 

When we die there will be things said about each of us.  What exactly do you want them to say? 

Kelly always had the most comfortable easy chair.

Kelly never experienced any pain.

Kelly was so well-rested.

Kelly’s life was always the most fair.

No one, in the history of ever, has had those words shared about them.  The reality is I want people to say this:

Kelly was such a devoted wife and mother.

Kelly loved with every fiber of her being.

Kelly was always there to help.

Kelly loved serving God in all areas of her life.

Kelly experienced extreme trials and always sought God’s plan for those.

It shows a life that was bothered. 

There is a reason the Bible is very clear that everyone will give an account (Romans 4:12, Matthew 12:36, 2 Corinthians 5:10).  Someday that’s going to be me.  No excuse will pass the test.  None.  You can’t get the same God who knows my inner thoughts to believe me when I give Him a lie.  I will have to be held accountable for everything I did and everything I didn’t do, but should’ve.

I have no idea how eternal life works, but if it says I’m going to give an account, I better be comfortable with the account I’m going to give.

The Consequences of Hate

This past week I’ve had a rough time.  I learned some lessons on love that had the potential to totally destroy me.  Yet, my ever-faithful God guided me through the valley.  What could’ve taken terrible turns and the reinforcement of destructive habits, instead brought a different outlook and total reliance on Him.  He is so awesome!

For several years now, I’ve been the target of a smear campaign.  It’s been designed to bring about destruction, control and ultimately hate.    At every turn my words get twisted against me, my care and concern is called into question and allegations are leveled at me.  I am called to continually show these people love, but I’ve been wrestling with how to love someone who only hates me back. 

The reality is, my heart is absolutely, completely, irrevocably broken. 

In spite of that, I have already forgiven them.  It’s not bitterness, anger or unforgiveness that I’m feeling.  It all boils down to the fact that I don’t trust them.  I don’t want to put myself out there.  I don’t want to be close to them.  I don’t want to talk to them.  I don’t even want to be in the same room as them.  Yet, I unconditionally love them. 

I’ve been questioning what God is calling me to do.  Am I being obedient?  Is it obedient to forgive, but not be around them?  Is it obedient to forgive, but not trust?  He led me to three verses:

Hebrews 12:5-6 - ⁵ And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, ⁶ because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”

Proverbs 3:11-12 -  ¹¹ My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, ¹² because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.

Revelation 3:19 - ¹⁹ Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.

I learned that rebuking and discipline are love.  I’m not saying that I am being called to discipline and rebuking the behavior.  That job is all His!  I did find peace in these verses.  They show that consequences to behavior aren’t ungodly nor hate. 

It doesn’t give me the right to be smug or mean, but it does give me the peace to know that it’s okay to limit my interaction.  It’s not my job to make them holy.  It’s not my job to limit the consequences of their choices.  It’s my job to forgive and to follow where God leads. 

Rebuilt on the Cornerstone

This past year has been a huge lesson for me on faith.  Everything I thought I knew has been torn down, rebuilt, torn down, rebuilt, etc.  You get the idea.  I have been made aware of strongholds in my life and God has used a scalpel to extract that sin. 

I have hurt.

I have bled.

I have been completely broken.

Yet, the beauty that has come from this is awesome. 

I am so thankful to God that He loves me so much that He continues to work in me. 

Through this He has also shown me the effects of sin.  I don’t say this to claim that I am without sin.  He uses others in my life to shine a mirror on my sin.  What I see in other people, I try to evaluate in myself.  It is a humbling exercise.

In this past month I had a front-row seat to the devastating effects of hate and selfishness.  I have seen the hardening of hearts and witnessed the aftermath.  It is nothing short of absolute devastation.  It’s not just the personal devastation; it’s the complete annihilation of relationships for generations. 

A year ago my father-in-law lied.  He created an illusion, preyed on our emotions, so he could secretly divorce my mother-in-law.  I tracked him down, through his lies, because I knew the name of his mistress.

For the last year I’ve watched the devastating effect of his choices on those around him.  There is a loss of trust, relational division, anger, bitterness, resentfulness, and lies.  Each word that has been uttered has seemed like another layer of lies.

It is at times like this that I see unfairness.  He got married this weekend to his mistress.  There are pictures of smiling faces, of celebration, of joy. 

The photos you don’t see are piles of tissues soaked in our tears, scars that mark our hearts, and the tiny fissures that pierce our trust of others. 

I feel like we have been laid bare in the desert.  We are hurt, we are bleeding, and we are completely broken.  We are exposed. 

Yet…

there is healing from hurts that go even beyond this incident.

relationships are growing stronger, deeper, more meaningful.

hope is starting to flicker.

We are being rebuilt on the Cornerstone.  With that foundation, there is a future, there is Hope and there is Peace. 

I Peter 2:6 – “For in Scripture it says; ‘See, I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious Cornerstone, and the one who trusts in Him will never be put to shame.’”