The Puzzle Piece

Have you ever done a 1,000 piece puzzle?  The pieces are small and sometimes you’re looking for a small dot of color to know that piece connects to the one in your hand.  With a puzzle that large, you rely on the picture to know where the pieces go.    

Five weeks ago I was a pitiful mess.  I was depressed, overwhelmed, burdened, and completely hopeless.  To be candid, I actually had thoughts that everyone would be better off without me.  Those thoughts weren’t to the point of suicide, but they were thoughts of destruction. 

It took a business trip, far away and completely alone in an unknown place for me to hear the gentle whisper of God.  As I stood in the tall Redwoods and on the coast of the Pacific Ocean, I heard God so very clearly.  I cried out to Jehovah Rapha for healing from my unbelief. 

I came back home with hope.  After spending two weeks in repentance and prayer, God spoke to me.  Often times I have this mental image that life is a puzzle that only God can see the picture of.  I’m staring down at all the pieces, trying to know what picture I’m creating. 

In three days God walked beside me and showed me what I needed to connect this small piece of the puzzle to the next.  While I still have no idea what the puzzle looks like when finished, I know He’s connected two of the pieces together.

Here’s the best part.  I still have the exact same stressors.  I still have the same busy schedule.  I still have all the same things in my life that can make that overwhelmed feeling crash down on me.  Yet, my life isn’t the same.  I now know that I struggle with unbelief.  I struggle with my human nature that needs to know the finished puzzle picture before I start on the piecing. 

It is the realization of my unbelief that has changed my life.  We serve a God who can speak 4 words and create light out of nothing.  We serve a God who can be in two places at once and know everything that is going on in both places at all times.  We serve a God who knows the numbers of hairs on my head and holds my tears in His hands.  We serve a God who can raise people from the dead.  We serve a God who can feed thousands with just a few fish and a couple loaves of bread.  We serve a God who created me in His image and loves me so much He sacrificed His son for me.  We know a God who knows the intentions of my heart and still shows me His grace and mercy.  We serve the God who is the Most High God.  Nothing and no one is greater or more powerful than our God.

Yet, there are times I don’t believe He would use that power in my life.   Slowly, ever so slowly, God is showing me just how deep my unbelief is.  He absolutely would and does use His power in my life.  It is my own unbelief that keeps my eyes from seeing.  I praise Jehovah Rapha for His healing.  My eyes are being cleared and my El Elyon (the Most High God) is smiling down, guiding me as He creates my life’s puzzle.