His Purpose

Recently I’ve been under some pressure.  There are many things going on that we have been dealing with.  At each step throughout, I have felt as though God has been stretching me.  He’s been saying, 

Put your trust in me.  I am in control.

On more than one occasion, I’ve had to blindly trust.  In the past, it was tangible things that I had to trust Him with:  a house, a job, school for Zoe.  

This year isn’t so tangible.  It is actions, provisions and various other things that deal with my heart.

Time and again I have to come to Him, scared, unsure and completely broken.  His answers, while there, aren’t as concrete as they have been previously.  For a Type-A, this has been a challenge.  

Then I come across a verse…

Proverbs 16:3 and 4a – “commit your activities to Lord and your plans will be achieved.  The Lord has prepared everything for His purpose.”

That last bit has been my hurdle.  For His purpose.

The challenge for me is learning His purpose.  There are weeks where I’m on my knees, crying out, wondering if I’m even going in the right direction because I cannot even begin to fathom God’s plan.

Then there are moments like today, where I get a small glimpse of His purpose and I realize that His timing is flawless.  I realize why, even a week ago, I didn’t see what I see today.  

It is the small glimpse I need to progress forward and know that I’m on His path.  While I am still learning to blindly trust, He knows what I will need even before I do.  

It will still be a challenge.

It will still be hard.

I will still cry.

He will remain ever faithful…for His purpose.

Something Sparkly

On Saturday we had family pictures taken and then we dropped off my wedding ring at the jewelry store to be checked and re-dipped in rhodium to make it silver rather than gold.  For the next 5 days I'll be without my wedding ring, trying to find one that fits that finger because I don't like going without a ring there.

Then we went to the mall because we owed E some new shoes.  N told me he had some birthday money to spend and would meet us at the department store we parked at.

We beat him there, he called to tell me he wasn't quite done and that it would be about 15 minutes.  The girls and I went to the play area so Zoe could play and the girls could put on their new purchases.

I see N coming toward us with a smile on his face.  That kind of smile usually means he's up to no good or he has a surprise. 

He placed a black velvet ring box in my lap.  Inside was this:

That husband of mine spent his birthday money on something sparkly for me.  This ring includes my birthstone (the light pink sapphire), his birthstone (the opal) and Zoe's birthstone (the raspberry garnet).  He'd like to add D's & E's to it at some point in the future.

I cannot even tell you how surprised I was that he did that. 

I can't stop staring at it.  Once I get my wedding ring back, I'll take this in to get sized so I can stop wearing a band-aid underneath it, like Elvis. 

Small Joys of the Week 7

This week has been equally stressful and exciting.  We've been on a rollercoaster of emotion this week and we are ready for a long weekend!

* Birthdays - today is N's mom's birthday.  She's 39ish and as beautiful as ever.  We feel fortunate that we can celebrate her from a distance today.  Happy birthday mom!  We love you more today than yesterday.  Sending you large quantities of hugs, kisses and off-key singing!

* Kindergarten!  We have officially entered the world of kindergarten and I'm not entirely sure where the time has gone.  Yet, one the other hand, there are days where it feels like she's 16.  Because we've done preschool and pre-kindergarten, this is old hat to Zoe.  The only things that makes it feel different are:  she gets her own desk to hold her own supplies AND it's everyday.  The first makes her feel uber special.  Especially since her group of 4 desks includes three of her favorite people in class.  I have a feeling there could be some "talking to your neighbor" issues.

The second makes her lose sleep.  For the last few nights she's been up almost every hour on the hour because she knows what she's going to wear to school, she knows what snack she wants to take, she wonders what they'll do that day, do you think they'll get to play in the kitchen, do you think they'll get play time outside, do you think her sparkly shoes would match her purple dress?  It's amazing what goes through a kindergartner's head at midnight.  It's not what's going through my head, I can tell you that! 

I'm hoping we'll start to get into a routine and all her inner, midnight dialogue will wear her out and we can get some sleep!

*  Final Exams!  This week N had a big phase exam.  Due to some internal meetings at work, he had some issues with getting his last minute things completed before his test yesterday.  If he didn't get those done, he couldn't take his test.  If he didn't get to take his test before August 31st, he could be reprimanded or fired.  Nothing like a little pressure to make a stressful situation more stressful. 

I'm pleased to report that not only did N pass his exams (there are 3), he passed them with flying colors.  When I got the call that he passed, we both just felt a HUGE weight lifted off our shoulders.  We both knew he would do great, but it's another thing to have it over.  He's onto the next phase of the program.  Only 16 more months left of this.  Woo-hoo!

*  Fathers - N has had a stressful couple weeks in preparing for his test.  These are always stressful times.  In the midst of it all, he's had to handle some other things with all our girls.  He's been comforting, encouraging, excited, supportive and most importantly loving.  I've watched him interact with all the girls this week and show them each his support and interest.  I love that he can put aside his stress or his week and focus on the girls.  It's one of the things that made me fall in love with him 8 years ago and I love seeing the dad he is to the girls now.  He's patient and so full of love. 

*  Pilates - I was able to go yesterday.  We spent 20 minutes doing squats.  I can barely get off the toilet.  For some reason, I'm happy about that.

Have a great Labor Day weekend!

Small Joys of the Week 6

This week has proven two things:

1) I'm old

and

2) my body is no longer 25.

I've been motivated this week.  With that in mind, here's my small joys:

* Pilates/Yoga classes where there are three of you, one instructor and the 60 year old lady next to me can do a side plank with very little problems.  I wanted to hug her afterward and thank her for her motivation.

* Women's Beach Volleyball, namely Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh-Jennings.  I love watching those two.  They are amazing.  They have earned the right to retire...at 35.  They are my age.  I think the only thing I've earned a three-peat on is finishing off French Onion dip in three servings.  Tomato, tamato.

In other ways my week has been joyful:

* Snuggling with Zoe while she sits on my lap, her arm reached around to hug my neck, whispering in her ear that I love her and then she toots on me.  The primal laugh that accompanies that makes the disgusting part of this story totally worth it.

Have a great weekend!

Small Joys of the Week 5

I think I'm finally back in the saddle after VBS.  It's amazing what taking a week off work for VBS can really do for your stamina.  Here's the small joys:

1) A successful VBS.  I heard just this morning from my friend that a family in her small group sent their kiddos to our VBS and LOVED it.  It's always nice to hear from people you don't know that it was enjoyable for the kiddos.

2) This child:

She is 100% in the mood to play in the water.  Every night it is either the pool or the sprinkler.  Last night it was the sprinkler.  Afterward she decided she wanted some ice cream, but since ice cream is cold, she needed earmuffs for the chill. 

3)  Mid-week dates to the splash pad with my girl.

4)  Trips to Oregon to see N and get away for a bit.

5)  New books!  I've been a complete reading kick lately.  I've started the All Souls trilogy by Deborah Harkness.  It's a mix between The DaVinci Code and the Sookie Stackhouse novels.  I love them.

6)  New possibilities.  This past week I've been struggling in some areas, unsure of what God's plan is.  I have no doubt that He has an amazing plan, I just can't see through the forest.  Some small glimmers of light are shining through and planting little seeds of hope.  I'm excited to see what God's showing us and know it'll be perfect in His time.

Small Joys of the Week 4

1)  Random dates with Zoe during the week.  Her excitement for them is contagious.

2)  Young adult dystopian novels.  I'm currently reading these:

Love them.  They took a bit to get into, but now I can't stop.  The third novel comes out in October. 

3)  Other people's creativity.  We have some crazy talent in our church.  They have totally transformed the church into a forest, to include redwood trees that are the height of the room.  N is making a real waterfall today. 

4)  Time with D & E.  It is much needed.  Our hearts are running low.

5)  Refresher VIA from Starbucks.  I'm really digging the Very Berry Hibiscus.  Although the name reminds me of the song "Hula Hibiscus" from the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. 

Have a fabulous weekend.  I'll be in the forest with the creative people watching them create while I enjoy some berries and Hibiscus!

Small Joys of the Week 3

Now that I've started to do this, I'm noticing the little things that happen during the week more.  I love that.  I hope when I'm 98 I remember some of the little things about my life that I really enjoyed.  Honestly, while the big stories are fun, it's the little things that make up so much more of life.

1) Air conditioning - we're running in the high 90's - low 100's this week.  My mom's car doesn't have air conditioning.  I really think that I could put cookies on a baking sheet and 30 minutes later they'd be ready. 

2) Flowers for no reason

3) Lunch dates for Zoe and daddy on Fridays. 

4) "I love you because:" frames.  I saw this in Pinterest and just had to implement in our family.  It's been a HUGE hit.  We all love to have little notes and this way we can put things on there to show our love and appreciation.  Zoe wrote one for N last night that was absolutely dear.

5) Hearing Zoe and daddy on the couch reading the bedtime story and hearing Zoe randomly say, "I love you so much daddy." 

6) Unexpected calls from family just because they want to check in and find out how they can pray for you.

7) Church family that uses their talents together to create really awesome decor for VBS.

8) Free Starbucks and on a Friday the 13th!  Go get some from 12:00-3:00 today.

Small Joys of the Week 2

This week's small joys include:

1) Cuddling with Zoe in a king sized bed that she was positive was smaller than a twin.  Nothing, not even sleep, beats sweet cuddles.

2) A mid-week day spent with N, touring his temporary dam and just being a family. 

3) Eating in a small town and NOT getting food poisoning - that's worth more than 1 line item.

4) God taking care of all the little details when I'm stressed about them and trying every minute to remember to just give them to Him already!

5) New, fast drying, hot pink nail polish - so when you're impatient and jam your foot into your flip-flop, it doesn't get ruined!

6) Sun

I finally think summer is here.  Happy Friday all!

Small Joys of the Week 1

Since apparently I’m blog deficient, I thought I’d start posting, at least weekly, the small joys of my week. More as a reminder of the things that will likely be lost during the aging process.

The Reason? N and I were having our fancy dinner, before Food Poisoning 2012 hit and I mentioned that Nickelback had come to town. While I do like Nickelback, I was more upset at not knowing that Bush was there as well. I’ve been a huge fan since Sixteen Stone came out in 1994. Well I guess I haven’t been a huge fan since I didn’t even know they were touring. Nonetheless, I really like them. I was telling him how bummed I was that I missed Bush.

He looked at me dead in the eye and said, “you owe me tickets to Nickelback. Why didn’t you mention it?”

My response? “I owe you tickets? How do you figure?”

He proceeded to tell me that when my liver ruptured in January 2007 and our daughter was born, we missed a Nickelback concert because I was “in the hospital with my liver” instead. Because my body imploded, it was me who owed him. Granted, the implosion is a good reason to forget small details like concerts we’ve never made, but apparently it was an additional scar that N has that I was unawares. It made me think of how much I really don’t remember. Here’s to the small joys of the week:

1) Having enough time to pluck my eyebrows.

2) Sitting on the couch with Zoe while we watched Good Luck Charlie. Then having her cry because it was such a sweet show about a new baby coming home. Her heart is full of so much genuine emotion and caring.

3) Realizing I wasn’t the only one crying at the touching Good Luck Charlie.

4) Going one hole further on my belt.

5) The first drama practice for VBS and all the joy that comes from having a cast that actually works well together. Such a blessing.

6) BBQ’d salmon for dinner.

7) 30 minutes of time to quilt and then another 15 minutes of time to fix the original.

8) Ice cream dates with Zoe.

9) Flowers chosen just for E’s birthday and hand-delivered by N.

10) That despite our distance, N is happy and excited to see me, despite Food Poisoning 2012.

11) The sound of 6 feet (2 for Zoe and 4 for Toby) who greet me upon coming home each day.