Normally I only post on topics that would classify as goings-on updates. Lately I’ve felt led to go a little deeper. Please indulge me for a brief moment.
Sometimes I struggle with where God has me. If I should’ve learned anything this past year and a half it is that God works in the minutia. His plan for me is a string of moments, not one grand gesture. As I watch Zoe grow, I fall more in love with her each day. I realize how blessed I am with the privilege of being her mommy.
I know you’re wondering where the struggle is. As an only child, I had always dreamed that I would have more than one child. I wanted my children to know siblings because I never did. Then I was told I would have a hard time getting pregnant; that my chances of miscarriage were great because of a hormone condition. In my early 20s I prepared for a life without children.
When I married N we decided to try almost immediately. Yet I was unconvinced that it would happen. I called fertility clinics to see what the guidelines were and the chances of someone with my condition would have to conceive. I was always told that we had to try for at least a year before we could come to them. So I prepared myself for a long road.
God had a different plan for me. It was surprisingly easy to get pregnant. All those high school health class teachers really did know what they were talking about! I loved being pregnant. I loved the nausea. I loved the weight gain and leg cramps. I loved every trip to the bathroom. I loved feeling Zoe move. It meant I was going to be a mother. Her mother. It meant for a short 9 months I could provide for her every need. I knew her.
I prayed daily for her. I prayed daily for me to be the mommy God wanted me to be. Then I learned what it was like to praise God in that storm. He carried us. He gave us both life that day.
I realize I’m still in a storm. I will never again experience the nausea, the weight gain, the leg cramps, the multiple trips to the bathroom or the flutter of an unborn child. God’s plan for me doesn’t include more children.
Please don’t read this wrong. Zoe is perfect. She is everything I prayed for and then some. I wouldn’t trade a moment of my time with her for anything. I'm having to learn to let go of my dreams, my desires and let God take control. Do I understand why this is His plan for me? No. Do I trust that He has a reason? Yes.
I heard a pastor ask, “do we interpret God through our circumstances or do we believe that He is who He says He is?” I pray God helps me understand who He is more each day. I pray He helps me let go of my desires, my dreams. I pray He helps me give Him the helm and to enjoy the ride. Each moment in my string of moments that He has already planned for me.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 – “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.”
I Peter 1:8 - Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
The What Every Girl Needs Edition
Zoe
She is learning to open and close doors now. She can't reach any handles yet, but if the door is slighly ajar, expect a visitor.
One door she doesn't open or close is the fridge. If that fridge door is open, nothing is safe. However, she does have a drug of choice. Chocolate sauce! I thought I would include a couple picture of her almost nightly routine of "hitting the sauce." Apparenly no girl is too young to need a little chocolate fix once and awhile.
K
Us older girls also need our fixes too. While chocolate is sometimes in order, good friends tops the list. Last night I had the awesome opportunity to get together with two of my dearest friends. I've known these girls since we were 5. Amber, Morgana and I met at Twigs for drinks and some conversation. At the top of the list was wedding planning. Amber is getting married! Of course Morgana and I are all about helping her out in anyway we can.
Finally, after almost 2 weeks of being engaged, she asked us to be in her wedding. Our responses:
Morgana: Is it bad that I was already planning your bridal shower?
Me: Is it bad that I was already practicing my speech for your reception?
This is how you know we've been friends for so long!
After drinks it was off to a showing of the Sex and the City movie. I've missed those girls too!
Thanks Amber and Morgana for a really fabulous time...and keeping me out WAY past my bedtime like an adult!
She is learning to open and close doors now. She can't reach any handles yet, but if the door is slighly ajar, expect a visitor.
One door she doesn't open or close is the fridge. If that fridge door is open, nothing is safe. However, she does have a drug of choice. Chocolate sauce! I thought I would include a couple picture of her almost nightly routine of "hitting the sauce." Apparenly no girl is too young to need a little chocolate fix once and awhile.
K
Us older girls also need our fixes too. While chocolate is sometimes in order, good friends tops the list. Last night I had the awesome opportunity to get together with two of my dearest friends. I've known these girls since we were 5. Amber, Morgana and I met at Twigs for drinks and some conversation. At the top of the list was wedding planning. Amber is getting married! Of course Morgana and I are all about helping her out in anyway we can.
Finally, after almost 2 weeks of being engaged, she asked us to be in her wedding. Our responses:
Morgana: Is it bad that I was already planning your bridal shower?
Me: Is it bad that I was already practicing my speech for your reception?
This is how you know we've been friends for so long!
After drinks it was off to a showing of the Sex and the City movie. I've missed those girls too!
Thanks Amber and Morgana for a really fabulous time...and keeping me out WAY past my bedtime like an adult!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Special Edition: The Need A Laugh Edition
I received this video from my dear friend Amber awhile ago. I just watched it today. I'm still wiping away tears. This video is about pranking in a women's restroom and it's absolutely hilarious.
Monday, June 9, 2008
The Old Self Edition
The Entertainment Section
Saturday we had a couple parties to attend. My cousin graduated high school, so we had attended her graduation party. Zoe actually got to spend a little time up close with some puppies. They're full-grown dogs, but everything is a puppy to Zoe. After about 15 minutes of being unsure, she petted one. Then it was a full-on scream of excitement every time she saw one after that. My uncle and aunt had three puppies at their house, so it was an hour of screaming.
My best friend Amber also turned 30 this weekend. We stopped by Amber's parent's house for a party. It was really a duel party as she got engaged to Chris last weekend. I am excited to see what God has in store for her. I know it'll be great things. She has two neices that are around Zoe's age. It was fun to see how they all interacted. Ry is 3 and loved to follow Zoe around. She was her little helper. Tavi is a little over a year and couldn't quite figure out how Zoe was walking around without holding on to stuff. Likewise, Zoe was totally clueless how she could get herself up the stairs. Instead of attempting to try any longer, Zoe picked up Amber's new picnic blanket and wore it as her newest accessory. It was a fun afternoon and I came home one, proud mamma. Whatta blessing Zoe is.
The Arts & Crafts Section
Now that Zoe is older, I have an even harder time scrapbooking. I have a box of pictures waiting to be put into an album. What we've learned about Zoe is that she's a crafter and quilter in training. My mom was working on some quilts for church and laid them on the floor. Zoe loved them. She stood on them and twirled.
In order to allow me some time to scrapbook, Zoe must also have a project. She is great at sorting paper. She will spend a good 20 minutes taking the paper out of her drawer and ripping it. I can actually get some cards done in that time!
The Beautiful Mamma Section
I also thought I would share a picture of my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. They are expecting a son around Labor Day. Oh the irony! My sister is absolutely beautiful. Micah Christopher is growing to be a healthy, active boy! We can't wait to meet him. In the meantime, I thought I would share a picture of his crazy parents. Whatta lucky boy he is!
The 7 Year Old Mind Section
We are preparing for E's birthday party this weekend. She got to invite 4 friends to her party. I got a call last weekend that one little boy from her class will be coming. My nephews will be coming. N asked E who else she invited to her party. She couldn't remember. I hope they RSVP before Saturday or we'll either only have a couple children or I won't know who they are! Should be a fun time!
Saturday we had a couple parties to attend. My cousin graduated high school, so we had attended her graduation party. Zoe actually got to spend a little time up close with some puppies. They're full-grown dogs, but everything is a puppy to Zoe. After about 15 minutes of being unsure, she petted one. Then it was a full-on scream of excitement every time she saw one after that. My uncle and aunt had three puppies at their house, so it was an hour of screaming.
My best friend Amber also turned 30 this weekend. We stopped by Amber's parent's house for a party. It was really a duel party as she got engaged to Chris last weekend. I am excited to see what God has in store for her. I know it'll be great things. She has two neices that are around Zoe's age. It was fun to see how they all interacted. Ry is 3 and loved to follow Zoe around. She was her little helper. Tavi is a little over a year and couldn't quite figure out how Zoe was walking around without holding on to stuff. Likewise, Zoe was totally clueless how she could get herself up the stairs. Instead of attempting to try any longer, Zoe picked up Amber's new picnic blanket and wore it as her newest accessory. It was a fun afternoon and I came home one, proud mamma. Whatta blessing Zoe is.
The Arts & Crafts Section
Now that Zoe is older, I have an even harder time scrapbooking. I have a box of pictures waiting to be put into an album. What we've learned about Zoe is that she's a crafter and quilter in training. My mom was working on some quilts for church and laid them on the floor. Zoe loved them. She stood on them and twirled.
In order to allow me some time to scrapbook, Zoe must also have a project. She is great at sorting paper. She will spend a good 20 minutes taking the paper out of her drawer and ripping it. I can actually get some cards done in that time!
The Beautiful Mamma Section
I also thought I would share a picture of my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. They are expecting a son around Labor Day. Oh the irony! My sister is absolutely beautiful. Micah Christopher is growing to be a healthy, active boy! We can't wait to meet him. In the meantime, I thought I would share a picture of his crazy parents. Whatta lucky boy he is!
The 7 Year Old Mind Section
We are preparing for E's birthday party this weekend. She got to invite 4 friends to her party. I got a call last weekend that one little boy from her class will be coming. My nephews will be coming. N asked E who else she invited to her party. She couldn't remember. I hope they RSVP before Saturday or we'll either only have a couple children or I won't know who they are! Should be a fun time!
Friday, June 6, 2008
The 5 Things Edition
Zoe keeps N and I on our toes all of the time. What do you expect from a kid that decided to come 10 weeks early?!? These last few weeks have seemed more packed with her personality. Good and bad. She's starting to showcase her independence more. Sometimes it's hard to discipline because you're trying not to laugh. Here are the Top 5 Zoe moments from this week:
#5 - They say children imitate what they see. Apparently, when I talk about a list of things, I point to the fingers on my other hand as I go through the list. Now anytime Zoe has multiple things to say, she does the same thing. You know it's going to be a story when she starts pointing to her hand.
#4 - She grabbed an empty milk jug, attempted to take the lid off and then tipped it back. She now carries it around for a small portion of the day.
#3 - She loves crackers. Apparently Chicken in a Biscuit crackers are not for eating, but for putting down the heat register.
#2 - As I was on boogie patrol yesterday, I took a Q-tip and attempted to clean out her nose. While I was doing that, she decided to stick her finger in my nostril. What goes around comes around!
#1 - The one you've all been waiting for...She was playing and got into a position that was hard to get out of. Instead of calling for help, she decided to say "oh s***." Yep, a potty mouth before potty training. I'm hoping it was a misunderstanding. One can only pray!
#5 - They say children imitate what they see. Apparently, when I talk about a list of things, I point to the fingers on my other hand as I go through the list. Now anytime Zoe has multiple things to say, she does the same thing. You know it's going to be a story when she starts pointing to her hand.
#4 - She grabbed an empty milk jug, attempted to take the lid off and then tipped it back. She now carries it around for a small portion of the day.
#3 - She loves crackers. Apparently Chicken in a Biscuit crackers are not for eating, but for putting down the heat register.
#2 - As I was on boogie patrol yesterday, I took a Q-tip and attempted to clean out her nose. While I was doing that, she decided to stick her finger in my nostril. What goes around comes around!
#1 - The one you've all been waiting for...She was playing and got into a position that was hard to get out of. Instead of calling for help, she decided to say "oh s***." Yep, a potty mouth before potty training. I'm hoping it was a misunderstanding. One can only pray!
Monday, June 2, 2008
The Rota Is Back Edition
The Nuclear Waste Section
There are many things parents do that fall into the category of disgusting. Boogie patrol goes into that catgory, as do many other things typically associated with bodily functions. It gets exacerbated when the child is sick. As you know, Zoe is suffering from bi-lateral ear infections and three, new teeth. Fortunately Zoe is a saint when she's sick. She's not whiny, just cuddly and likes to relax.
We knew her head hurt, but what we quickly realized this weekend is her tummy hurt too. We're experiencing our second round of rotavirus. This is the flu on steriods. Zoe can clear a room with the smell. N adequately describes it as "1,000 rotting, dead pigs." While I don't personally know that smell, I have to think we're close. Yesterday was our first day without the northern nuclear plant producing anything. Now if we could get the southern plant to slow down production, we're golden. You see rotavirus likes to get the southern plant production started when Zoe is sleeping. She'll be all comfortable and cooing. After 3.5 hours of sleep, you open the door to nuclear fallout. I won't go any farther except to say that daddy earned his diaper changing stripes this weekend! I just got the dry heaves.
The Independent Section
Despite feeling like poo, literally, Zoe is still growing to be such a wonderful girl. Not to mention, independent. For the first time this weekend, Zoe fed herself with a fork. Usually once the food is on the prongs, she will pull it off with her other hand and feed herself. Yesterday, she used the fork correctly. She was so proud of herself.
After the bananas, she just couldn't hold her own food. She enlisted daddy to help with her Hawaiian Sweet roll.
The Spokompton Section
For several weeks I've been wanting to post about this, but haven't had the picture to accompany. On my way home, there is a trailer that was for sale last summer. A sweet, older woman lived in this trailer, but it was obvious she couldn't care for it and needed to sell. I was shocked that is sold so quickly since it is an aluminum trailer. Within weeks it was clear why these people bought this house. The yard. They had ideas for the yard. Ideas that aren't quite mainstream. Most people put in gnomes, flamingoes or those tacky cardboard cut-outs of some older woman bending over in the flower bed. While I'm not found of any of those things, I would gladly welcome them.
These people prefer aliens, spaceships and huge, nautical anchors surrounding their swimming area. I realize this picture does not do the yard justice, but I had to share.
There are many things parents do that fall into the category of disgusting. Boogie patrol goes into that catgory, as do many other things typically associated with bodily functions. It gets exacerbated when the child is sick. As you know, Zoe is suffering from bi-lateral ear infections and three, new teeth. Fortunately Zoe is a saint when she's sick. She's not whiny, just cuddly and likes to relax.
We knew her head hurt, but what we quickly realized this weekend is her tummy hurt too. We're experiencing our second round of rotavirus. This is the flu on steriods. Zoe can clear a room with the smell. N adequately describes it as "1,000 rotting, dead pigs." While I don't personally know that smell, I have to think we're close. Yesterday was our first day without the northern nuclear plant producing anything. Now if we could get the southern plant to slow down production, we're golden. You see rotavirus likes to get the southern plant production started when Zoe is sleeping. She'll be all comfortable and cooing. After 3.5 hours of sleep, you open the door to nuclear fallout. I won't go any farther except to say that daddy earned his diaper changing stripes this weekend! I just got the dry heaves.
The Independent Section
Despite feeling like poo, literally, Zoe is still growing to be such a wonderful girl. Not to mention, independent. For the first time this weekend, Zoe fed herself with a fork. Usually once the food is on the prongs, she will pull it off with her other hand and feed herself. Yesterday, she used the fork correctly. She was so proud of herself.
After the bananas, she just couldn't hold her own food. She enlisted daddy to help with her Hawaiian Sweet roll.
The Spokompton Section
For several weeks I've been wanting to post about this, but haven't had the picture to accompany. On my way home, there is a trailer that was for sale last summer. A sweet, older woman lived in this trailer, but it was obvious she couldn't care for it and needed to sell. I was shocked that is sold so quickly since it is an aluminum trailer. Within weeks it was clear why these people bought this house. The yard. They had ideas for the yard. Ideas that aren't quite mainstream. Most people put in gnomes, flamingoes or those tacky cardboard cut-outs of some older woman bending over in the flower bed. While I'm not found of any of those things, I would gladly welcome them.
These people prefer aliens, spaceships and huge, nautical anchors surrounding their swimming area. I realize this picture does not do the yard justice, but I had to share.
Friday, May 30, 2008
The Keep Your Hands To Yourself Edition
The Head Pain Section
Zoe has had a rough week. She ran a fever all Tuesday night. Poor kid just couldn't get comfortable. On Wednesday the doctor diagnosed her with bi-lateral ear infections. She's on antibiotics. The reason for the ear infections, we think, is due to the three teeth that are coming in. Poor kid. Her head must hurt.
The Social Etiquette Section
Last night Zoe and I went to watch our nephews/cousins Michael's and Tyler's school program. Tyler's kindergarten class did some poems about spring and sang some songs. Tyler recited a poem about grass. As he was on stage and singing, Zoe started laughing and reaching out for him. It's so cute to see her love for her cousins.
Michael is in 3rd grade. The whole elementary school did a program on Shadrack, Meshach and Abendigo. Michael had a starring role as King Nebuchadnezzar. I like to think he's much cuter than the real one! Not to mention nicer. We got a good look at The King before he took the stage. Zoe loved his beard and wanted lots of hugs from our royal family member.
How did we get a good look at The King before he took the stage you ask? As a parent of a 16 month old, you don't get to sit in the audience like other parents. You are forced into the foyer because your child arches her back and screams from the lack of freedom to roam.
Fortunately we were in good company. Two other parents were in the foyer with their children. Bella (15 months) and Cody (almost 2). Zoe made some new friends and I got to see just how much work N and I have in store for us. She is not socially developed. Fortunately she's not shy and will go up to the other children, but what I saw was part hilarious and part frightening.
Bella was her first victim. She must've seen similar qualities in Bella that she sees in her doll Zoe. Eyes that blink and a sweet face. The first thing she did was try to poke Bella in the eye. That led to pushing. Then to ignoring.
Once Cody was on the seen, she started flirting with him. Tilting her head to one side, lowering her voice from the scream-level it was to a soothing coo, and then nicely patting him on the leg as he sat in the rocking chair. Although that flirting quickly stopped when he tried to hug her and then both fell to the ground. She got huge alligator tears and avoided him for about 10 minutes.
Twice Zoe and I had to have a talk about using our inside voice and keeping her hands to herself. That seemed to work for a few minutes. At least she still listens to her mother.
When Bella's family left and Cody's daddy took him inside to watch his sibling, Zoe sat in the window seal, trying to hard to look into the program. Yelling for King Nebuchadnezzar to see her.
N and I have our work cut out for us. Besides her interaction with other children at church, we're going to start swimming lessons and Gymboree Play & Music classes this summer. Apparently she needs more exposure to social settings! Not to mention they both sound fun.
The Self-Help Section
This morning I did my almost-daily Starbucks run. Usually when I go through the drive-thru I'm greeted with "good morning. Welcome to Starbucks. What can we get started for you?" This morning I heard, "good morning. Will it be a grande, non-fat peppermint mocha this morning?" Oh geez. They know my by my car and my drink. Starbucks Anonymous here I come!
Zoe has had a rough week. She ran a fever all Tuesday night. Poor kid just couldn't get comfortable. On Wednesday the doctor diagnosed her with bi-lateral ear infections. She's on antibiotics. The reason for the ear infections, we think, is due to the three teeth that are coming in. Poor kid. Her head must hurt.
The Social Etiquette Section
Last night Zoe and I went to watch our nephews/cousins Michael's and Tyler's school program. Tyler's kindergarten class did some poems about spring and sang some songs. Tyler recited a poem about grass. As he was on stage and singing, Zoe started laughing and reaching out for him. It's so cute to see her love for her cousins.
Michael is in 3rd grade. The whole elementary school did a program on Shadrack, Meshach and Abendigo. Michael had a starring role as King Nebuchadnezzar. I like to think he's much cuter than the real one! Not to mention nicer. We got a good look at The King before he took the stage. Zoe loved his beard and wanted lots of hugs from our royal family member.
How did we get a good look at The King before he took the stage you ask? As a parent of a 16 month old, you don't get to sit in the audience like other parents. You are forced into the foyer because your child arches her back and screams from the lack of freedom to roam.
Fortunately we were in good company. Two other parents were in the foyer with their children. Bella (15 months) and Cody (almost 2). Zoe made some new friends and I got to see just how much work N and I have in store for us. She is not socially developed. Fortunately she's not shy and will go up to the other children, but what I saw was part hilarious and part frightening.
Bella was her first victim. She must've seen similar qualities in Bella that she sees in her doll Zoe. Eyes that blink and a sweet face. The first thing she did was try to poke Bella in the eye. That led to pushing. Then to ignoring.
Once Cody was on the seen, she started flirting with him. Tilting her head to one side, lowering her voice from the scream-level it was to a soothing coo, and then nicely patting him on the leg as he sat in the rocking chair. Although that flirting quickly stopped when he tried to hug her and then both fell to the ground. She got huge alligator tears and avoided him for about 10 minutes.
Twice Zoe and I had to have a talk about using our inside voice and keeping her hands to herself. That seemed to work for a few minutes. At least she still listens to her mother.
When Bella's family left and Cody's daddy took him inside to watch his sibling, Zoe sat in the window seal, trying to hard to look into the program. Yelling for King Nebuchadnezzar to see her.
N and I have our work cut out for us. Besides her interaction with other children at church, we're going to start swimming lessons and Gymboree Play & Music classes this summer. Apparently she needs more exposure to social settings! Not to mention they both sound fun.
The Self-Help Section
This morning I did my almost-daily Starbucks run. Usually when I go through the drive-thru I'm greeted with "good morning. Welcome to Starbucks. What can we get started for you?" This morning I heard, "good morning. Will it be a grande, non-fat peppermint mocha this morning?" Oh geez. They know my by my car and my drink. Starbucks Anonymous here I come!
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