The One Where They're Up All Night Remix

The saga continues. I'm really hoping for only a two-parter on this here subject rather than a trilogy. Because that's just plain wrong.

Let me give you a little glimpse into my smoke detector arrangement first. We have a one story, no basement, 1,448 square foot house. The layout is very open. We have 5 smoke detectors.

Count 'em. FIVE.

Seriously, any hint of smoke and fire department will hear our house beeping. No need to call 911.

Each bedroom has one. Which makes sense. The hall has two. They are 5 feet apart. Which doesn't make any sense.

The one in the master bedroom is on the ceiling. 10 feet above the ground. One of the hall detectors is on the ceiling. 15 feet above the ground.

Did the builder not know I'm terrified of heights? Did they know that I would be more annoyed with the beeping than to let my fear stop me from climbing that ladder?

We called the fire department yesterday with some questions. They told me that I need to clean each alarm with a can of compressed air and replace all 5 batteries. Once the battery is replaced, you have to reset the alarm. This means I had to dangle collectively 25 feet in the air with a can of air as my only hope of survival. My palms are still sweating. Which makes battery removal very tough. I had thoughts of Clark Griswald on the ladder hanging lights and falling backward into the bushes below.

That thought didn't last too long. Zoe, being incredibly helpful, likes to beat the bottom two steps on the ladder. When you're 15 feet in the air, it's like an earthquake. She apparently likes to hear mommy scream. Fortunately my mom was there to keep the little drummer far away from the ladder. (For the record, the man of the house was in school, unable to attend this little charade. He owes me big time. He knows it.)

I get all 5 done and they still chirped. I went back to the manual. Apparently these little spawns of Satan only take certain kinds of batteries. The Coppertop ones are not on the "approved" list. Who knew 9-volt batteries were different. We went back to the store to buy the super-expensive, guaranteed to last 10 years, approved ones. Which I could've fed my family for a week on the price of these bad boys.

Back up the ladder I went. With my batteries the same price as liquid gold and compressed air.

Still the chirping.

The manual then said to turn off power to the alarms, replace the batter, reset, then turn the hardwire power back on.

Third time up the ladder I went. If I thought my palms were sweaty on the first try, try the third try. I think I could've filled a pitcher with all that moisture.

Still more chirping. Now they're like talking to one another. A hall one will beep and a bedroom one will chirp twice. I'm pretty sure they're laughing at me.

We finally got in touch with an electrician. He's coming this morning. To troubleshoot.

We slept at my mom's house last night. Our house is not big enough for all of us.