The Bad News Bares

Sometimes life is hard. I truly believe that God allows you to wade through the difficult to grow in Him. That's not something that I always like. I'm truly a Type-A person. I like my routine. I like knowing that I can depend on certain things each day.

So when God says, "it's go time," I tend to freeze up a little. By freeze up, I mean I can get pretty stubborn and a bit mean. It's my way of dealing with the growth. It's not because I doubt God or because I think I can do it better, it's because I really don't like change. Which unfortunately isn't part of God's whole, big, master plan.

N started working full time this past week. On one hand, it's a major blessing. In a time when people are being laid-off, he's getting more hours. If that's not a praise, then I don't know what is.

The only down side is he leaves the house at 4 o'clock a.m. and doesn't get home until 10 o'clock p.m. through the week because he's also going to school. That's a pretty grueling schedule. The end is in sight because his night school will eventually be done. It's just that 4 hours a sleep a night during the week right now isn't the best case scenario.

That means I'm a single parent through the week. If you've ever been around a 2 year old, you know they can be a little active and a little exhausting. Not to mention working in the financial industry that is so full of good news right now.

Instead of having Fridays evenings as a time when we can be a family, we're just plain tired. Physically and emotionally.

I have to admit, this weekend caused me to freeze a bit. It caused me to have a pity party. Which is the saddest kind of party you can have.

I had to run to the store yesterday afternoon. I may have committed a cardinal sin. I wore sweatpants to the grocery store. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to have to think. To do ONE MORE THING.

I plugged my iPod into the stereo and let the first song play. It was MercyMe's "Bring the Rain." I was singing along with the chorus, just enjoying the moment. Then the song went into the last bit of worship. I couldn't help myself from singing along, just crying.

In that instant I was reminded that God is holy. He is the Almighty. He has a plan. While we're in the middle of a hard moment in our life, He is still taking care of us. Still providing for us. He is in control of my spirit.

When I got home, a certain 2-year old came running up to me for a long hug. A certain man in my life helped put away the groceries. For one moment I knew we were in this together. The team God surrounded me with who love, encourage and support me. Despite the fact that I don't do well with change.

Or wear sweatpants to the grocery store.