Things happen in life that gives you a moment of pause. In my case it doesn’t happen to be anything big or earth shattering, I ran into someone I haven’t seen in years. I met him when I was about 25, which was the best year of my life up until that point. I was a late bloomer and seemed to come into my own at 25. It was the age where I was finally comfortable with myself, content with my life and just wanted to meet new people and have fun.
As I was holding Zoe last night I began to think about the 25 year old me and what would my life be like if some of the things I wanted at 25 turned out to be reality. I would be married to someone who had a different set of beliefs than I do. That would be a recipe for disaster. I wouldn’t have three daughters in my life. I may not even have one. I wouldn’t have had some experience working for Russell Investments in Tacoma, which has proved to be one of the best career opportunities I could’ve ever had.
As I took stock of my life, I couldn’t see myself anywhere but where I am. I found incredible peace with that. Not that I’m at all questioning where God has me, but just knowing that this path God has me on is exactly where He wants me is a nice reminder.
Right now our life is hectic and exhausting. N is burning the candle at both ends to support our family and get a degree, which is something he’s always wanted and never thought he would achieve. That leaves Zoe and I home alone most of the week. There are times when working full-time and then being a single parent at night is overwhelming. I think I try to overcompensate by extending myself too much because I still want to feel like I’m giving Zoe the best life a 2 year old can possibly have.
I put quite a bit of guilt on myself about things I don’t do with Zoe that I feel like I should. It seems to have peeked the last couple weeks. That is because we’re nearing the end of this quarter with N’s school and I’m just exhausted. This summer quarter has been more intense than any other because they have to cram 11 week’s worth of material into 8. I’ve also been putting pressure on N to do more things on the weekends because we miss out on family time during the week. He’s just exhausted too.
I’m not sharing all of this because I want sympathy, but mainly as a reminder to myself. Right now life is exhausting, difficult and overwhelming. Yet it is the exact place that God had planned for me to be. I have things in my life that I never thought I would have or even deserved. Yet God knew.
I know He will get our family through these times. We have 4 weeks of no school coming up. We will have N all to ourselves for a whole month. I’m beyond excited to know that we will be a true family for exactly 28 days. It is the break we all need to get through the next 18 months of school, work, parenting and exhaustion.
God knows the plans He has for us (Jeremiah 29:11) and He will give us strength to continue on His path (Phil. 4:13).
I guess sometimes God uses a nice comment from a friend or running into someone you haven’t thought about in years to show you how He’s guiding you. I know there will be other nice comments and random encounters over the next year and a half that will help me gain the right perspective.
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