My People

I'm not sure if this is true for you, but there are times, moments actually, that leave me overwhelmed.  I look at N and at our girls and realize just how blessed I am.  There was a time I thought I would never be loved and yet, I have more love that I can adequately describe.  Ten years ago this isn't how my life looked in my mind's eye.  I'm not one to usually enjoy being wrong, but I am this time.

Zoe and I traveled down to Oregon this weekend to spend time with N.  Our weekend consisted of going to the Fish Viewing Room and watching salmon try to swim upstream...twice, running to The Wal-Marts for some essentials, making homemade meals and playing loads of things.  Zoe's favorite this weekend was reinacting The Little Mermaid.  I've got to say, I'm totally impressed with N's interpretation of Ursula. 

While we were in Oregon, Zoe came down with a cold.  Nothing too terrible...until last night.  There was much coughing and hacking.  I held her for a bit to try and get everything to calm down and to prop her up.  As she snuggled into me, she made her noises.  As she did that, it took me back to a time when she was a new infant.  She would make noises all night long as a baby.  We're not talking little coos, we're talking loud moans and "HUH" with every exhale.  There is a noise with each inhale and exhale.  It's constant.  I've heard from other parents whose children were in the NICU, they did the same thing upon coming home.  Because Zoe's issue was that she couldn't remember to breathe, I welcomed all the noise.  She had a tendency to turn blue when she slept and I could at least catch a few winks if I could hear her noise in the background.

There was a time, around 6 months, that I wondered if she would ever grow out of all.the.noise!  Now that seems like a distant memory.

Until last night. 

As I held her and stroked her hair, she started to relax and make her noises.  I found that same peace I did, as a new mother.  A peace that again shows me just how glad I am that my life isn't anything I could've imagined.