hopes.dreams.plans

The last couple weeks have shown me just how little control I have.  By “little” I mean none.  Not one, single ounce of it. 

I’m someone who had hopes and dreams for the future.  I honestly believed that my hopes and dreams were God’s.  Over the last couple weeks, every hope.dream.plan I had for the future has been obliterated.  They are beyond CPR and the paddles.  In fact, they are dead. 

I’m going to be candid…I didn’t know why.    

I’ve said it many times, but we are in the midst of battle.  It’s dark and hard and ugly.  It is a battle to the death.  All that I had hoped.dreamed.planned was collateral damage.  I have been the target of attacks the last couple weeks.  My character has been questioned and I have had to distance myself from people I dearly love. 

Through all of this, I’m becoming aware of my habit of making plans and then believing that God is in those plans.  I wasn’t trying to do things outside of God’s will, but over time, I turned those hopes.dreams.plans into something that was mine and not God’s. 

God took them away from me.

As I have watched all my hopes.dreams.plans die, I’ve seen God in ways I didn’t expect. 

a stronger marriage

a deeper peace and never-ending comfort

a time for rest in the battle

a deeper understanding of the sin in my life

a hope for His dreams and plans for my life

At every turn I’m being told to let go and be held by God’s hand.  It’s in the songs I hear, the verses I read and the conversations I have.  I used to claim to be a Type-A person who liked plans and organization.  Truthfully, I still do.  However, for the first time in my life, I’m letting go.  I cannot see my future, I cannot formulate plans, and I’m completely at God’s mercy.

I’m thoroughly excited to see where God is taking us. 

I’m letting Him dream for me.