In The Vortex

Do you ever have those times where you’re sure this moment in time is what is going to lead your child straight into therapy when they’re adults?

This week month is full of mom failure. 

Those therapists can thank me later.

We have approximately 6,452,714 things to do with end of year activities.  Around item #3, I start to go glassy-eyed and go to my happy place.  I actually woke up at 3:00 am vaguely remembering an e-mail about dance recital tickets and buying them before they sell out.  I had a mild panic attack that I forgot the date and Zoe would be performing for her imaginary family. 

This is the kind of stress that end-of-year brings.  It’s been testing weeks at school, so I have mild panic attacks during the day that consist of:

Did we have homework last night?  Did I pack her lunch?  Did I pack a snack?  Did she even have shoes on today?  She wanted to wear her dangly earrings and I got busy packing her lunch.  Praise God she got food, but I did forget the earrings.  Then the rest of the day is being concerned that I forgot her earrings and this will make her day the worst day in the history of ever.  Oh the drama!  When that happens, the Holy Spirit has to work on overdrive so there is patience and understanding that only divine intervention can bring and both Zoe and I live to see the next morning.

While I’m trying to process all these “did I” questions, I’m making lists to schedule the hair appointment, the dog grooming appointment (we discovered he’s molting, like losing chunks of winter coat and hello disgusting), buy tickets for the children’s theater play, make the grocery list, make the Costco list, try to remember what days we signed up for snacks, and all the appointments and lists keep coming into my brain.

At this very moment, I’d like to honor parents who have more than one, little person they care for.  We have women in our church with 6 or 7 children, plus they homeschool.  When I think about all they have to remember, I put the title Saint in front of their name.  Bless them.  God has given them many gifts that I am totally in awe of.  Totally in awe of. 

Sometimes I think God has a funny sense of humor.  During all this chaos and activity, He’s blessed me with allergies.  These aren’t normal because even though we’ve come through the Polar Vortex, we are now in the Allergy Vortex.  At this very moment all the alder and birch pollen within a 1,000 mile radius has taken up residence in my sinus vortex and momma can’t think, let alone stay awake for very long. 

When you add this all together you can call this the Mom Failure Vortex.  It is where good intentions meet reality.

Lately I’ve been feeling as though I’m running 100 miles per hour and not getting anywhere.  I feel behind and edgy and that I’m not giving my best.  My people suffer when I’m like this.  I’ve been feeling discouraged. 

Then I read this:

The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (Deut. 31:8)

I promise you, the Holy Spirit has my number on speed dial.  Bless my vortex.

And I came home to a husband who did the dishes and cleaned the showers. 

Somehow it all came into perspective.  Nothing came off my list and none of the responsibilities diminished.  However, in the midst of it all, I had Hope and Joy.  All remnants of discouragement vanished. 

Bless my vortex indeed.