1,827

I think there’s a saying that you can’t see the forest through the trees or something close to that. As I look back on the last several years, that’s the absolute truth. As I look back on my life, there are things that I’ve always wished were different. Yet, the older I get I realize that to do that, it would ruin God’s plan for my life. Every single thing, both good and poor choices, have brought me to this moment.

I love this moment.

It’s imperfectly perfect.

We were talking about the day of Zoe’s birth yesterday. It was the 5th anniversary of her amazing birth. It’s funny to think, but that’s not the day I remember. It all seems foreign to me. I woke up in ICU 5 years ago today and am pretty sure I looked like I had been abducted by aliens and they were experimenting on me. I learned that it took the ICU people 1 hour to hook me up to all the tubes, IVs, medication, etc. My first question to my mother yesterday, who was thinking she was watching her daughter dying, was, “why didn’t you get a picture of me hooked up to all that stuff?” I would’ve loved to have seen that. I can’t really imagine being hooked up to a ventilator and having a 5 IV poles supplying me with all kinds of good and powerful drugs. You’d think I should be like the Green Lantern or one of those X-Men with all the things they pumped into me. Really, how cool would that be? You almost died giving life to your child, to make up for not getting to meet her that day and having things go as planned, you can have one superhero power of your choice! That may be one thing I talk to God about.

As we were chatting about it, Zoe asked, “what present did you get me on the day I was born?” You know, birthdays = presents. I told her I gave her life. She was totally disappointed that I didn’t even have a stuffed animal or cute outfit. She has no clue how unprepared we were.

We were unprepared in so many ways. There is no shortness of God’s grace and mercy through the whole thing. It was like He was saying, “you kids got WAY off track and I’m bringing you back the hard way. Love you!” I always picture God throwing that “love you” in there to soften the blow.

The farther away I get from that day, the more I think, “I could do it again.” Which is totally ridiculous. I really should’ve died...two separate times. Yet here I am. Apparently God’s not ready for me yet and really, can you blame Him? I can be a handful. I’d probably be up there yelling down at N and Zoe to brush their teeth, put their dishes in the sink, go on a date to get ice cream rather than watch ANOTHER Wizards of Waverly Place! Since He could see all of this, He probably figured N could deal with it for another few decades! It builds character.

Sometimes I can get bogged down in life. Life is hard, stressful and chaotic. Yet it is full of so much joy that I can’t stand it sometimes. The happiest moments make me cry more than the hard ones. Yesterday was a reminder of all that I’ve been blessed with and how awesome this life is, stress and all. How fortunate I am to have had these past 1,827 days as Zoe’s mom and N’s wife. How fortunate we are that N almost lost me because I’m not sure these last 1,827 days would’ve been as cherished as they have been. I’m known to have rules and be a little OCD. Bless him.

Zoe’s birthday brings many milestones, but one reminder: choose joy!

She is...

Zoe is:

Witty - She is funny without even trying and already has great timing.

Kind - She loves her friends and family and demonstrates that through her actions.  I'm positive her heart is bigger than her body.

Imaginative - She has a play going in her head at all times, knows exactly who would play the best character, what lines to say and what we should all be wearing.  I'm positive she looks at life as though it's a Broadway musical.

Smart and Clever - She can already write all her letters, knows the sounds they make, does basic math and is learning to read.  She can also look at something and know how it works.  I'm blown away by how her mind.

Five - She's officially a whole hand today.

Happy birthday Doods!  We fall more in love with you everyday. 

She's a Natural

Sometimes, when I'm running late, Zoe will have eaten dinner before I get home and then my mom and I have dinner together.  This usually means that Zoe spends the whole dinner asking if I'm done yet and can we play. 

Last night was a bit different.  She played by herself while Grandma and I ate.  The second she saw that I was done, she comes over, tilts her head to the side, puts on a sweet smile and says, "mommy, will you play with me" and then started batting her eyes.

We are in BIG trouble!

Birthday Parties = Venti Mondays

I had planned to have all kinds of carnival pictures for this blog today.  I was super excited to document what everything looked like and how fun it was.  Then three things happened:  N couldn't make it home because of all the ice, I had to be the decorator and the muscle and the kids arrived early!

I'm not complaining, we had a great time.  I just had zero time to get pictures of things.  The second we were done getting set up, the kids arrived.  I'm not exaggerating when I say, I took the tape back to the storage room and kid's were coming in the door.  There's no real pictures of the cake table, of any of the booths or the prize table, few pictures of the kids in action and zero pictures of Zoe and her sisters.

It's so unlike me. 

I did manage to get pictures of Zoe with almost all of her friends.  That was a huge answer to prayer since they took home a photo frame for a picture of them with Zoe!

Even though I can't document the day, I can tell you the kids had a blast.  There was so many giggles, kids excited to take their tickets to the prize table and shop, Kool-Aid mustaches and cupcake crumbs everywhere. 

Zoe made the rounds to visit all her friends, play at the booths and with each present she proclaimed, "this is just what I wanted!"  I'm positive each child felt like they knew her the best.

By Saturday night, we were all exhausted and just opening the presents from the boxes took extra effort.  Because it was a special day and N wasn't home, Zoe and I did a slumber party in my bed.  I've never seen her sleep so wild before.  She was everywhere and then she yelled, "grandma, I have another ticket!"  You know it was a great day for her too.

Snow Angel

We finally got our first real snow!  We've been feeling grateful for the mild winter.  It's allowed N to travel back and forth with no issues.  That is until we got about 7 inches of snow in 36 hours and the dam got 1/2 inches of ice.

That's put a real damper on travel.  Especially since we have a birthday party tomorrow. 

Instead of focusing on the sad part of this story, we'll focus on the good part:  snow angels.  Zoe couldn't wait to get out in the snow and make some angels, snowmen and snow soup!  I'm not entirely sure what snow soup is, other than a big bowl of snow that she eats with a spoon when she comes inside. 

Here's our girl in action:

Trying to catch some snow flakes while making the angel.  A girl has to multi-task. 

So proud of her angel. 



Math

Zoe loves school.  She looks forward to everything that they do.  I really don't think she's had a bad day.  She's always eager to learn.  The other night at dinner she taught me about regurgitation.  She was so proud of those penguins that do it. 

Last night she asked that we turn her easel around so she could use the chalkboard.  That's when math class began.  She was Ms. Zoe and I was student Kelly.  For some reason when we play school I'm no longer mommy.  All parental titles are thrown out the window!

She proceeds to write some numbers on the chalkboard and ask what they equal.  Her favorite equation is 2 + 2 = 4. 

She wrote it a bit backward, however, without any correction/direction from me, she fixed it on the second one.  She was shocked that she actually wrote two equations that equal 4!  She figured it's because she's 4!

All of this was her doing.  She made sure the answers were correct by using her finger calculators. 

I'm so amazed by her.  I don't know if they do math class in Pre-K, but she's a little math whiz.  She's doing addition and subtraction in her head already.  I thank God for N, the other math whiz in our house.  If she's doing this at age 4, I'm pretty sure we'll be in Algebra Trig in about 4 years.

We Bond Through Crafting

Since I've been busy making invitations for her birthday and helping my mom create cards for a scrapbooking day at church, Zoe has gotten creative too.  She decided that she would put on socks and ice skate through the kitchen. 

Having watched a show on TV about safety, she needed some knee pads and elbow pads.  That ice in the kitchen is dangerous stuff.

She pulled out a green piece of construction paper and a red one.  She made 4 of these:

I love how she accessorized them with a flower button made of cardstock.

She wore them around the house for almost an hour, feeling very confident that she was not able to get injured!