Mythbusters

God has laid something on my heart and I feel compelled to write it down.  Not because someone else needs to see it, but because I’m positive there is going to come a time where I will need the reminder.  As a Christian it is easy to be deceived about what is truth and what isn’t.  Typically in every lie there is a morsel of truth.

I recently read an article from a woman who had lost her child.  She said, “I’ve heard it said that God will not give us more than we can handle, but this is more that I can handle.”  She went on about not being sure she believes in God.

The truth is, no where in the Bible does it say that God will not give us more than we can handle.  We may have temptations that won’t be more than we can handle, but He promises to always give us a way out (1 Corinthians 10:3).  However, there is no promise that says God will not give us circumstances beyond what we can handle. 

I know people who are dealing with all kinds of tragedies – infertility, loss of a child or loved one, addiction, adultery, health issues, bankruptcy, legal issues, divorce, etc.  I could fill this whole blog with a list of things people are dealing with.  These are good people in the midst of terrible circumstances.  Each of these things is part and parcel with life on earth.  Life is hard.  Life isn’t fair.  The reality is, who can handle those circumstances?  The problem with this lie is that it says, “if you can’t handle this, there is something wrong with you.  You have done something to bring this on yourself because God wouldn’t give you more than you can handle.” 

I have been angry with God and upset with my circumstances.  They are, without reservation, more than I can handle.  I’ve had issues with resentment toward God over things in my life that are hard and unfair.  God didn’t stop those things.  In fact, if I’m honest, I am still dealing with them this morning and I don’t understand why it has to be so hard or why I have to deal with it.  I have my moments where I yell at God, tell Him how angry I am and stomp my foot and beat on His chest about the unfairness. 

Whether we like to admit it or not, God doesn’t want the façade we put on for everyone else.  He wants me, in all my anger and resentment to come to Him and tell Him how I feel.  He wants me to scream and carry on and tell Him how upset and hurt I am.  It’s like with any relationship, the more barriers I put up to the real me, the more superficial that relationship becomes.  God doesn’t do superficial.  He does tears and snot running down your face and yelling and screaming and carrying on.  He does real.  He does intimate. 

God doesn’t promise to fix an unfair circumstance and He doesn’t promise to not give us more than we can handle.  He promises to be our refuge and strength:

Psalm 46:1 – God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

For those who come to Him, He promises rest:

Matthew 11:28 – Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 

I Peter 5:7 – Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

This life will be struggles, hardships and all things unfair.  I do not have answers as to why.  I know that nothing can separate me from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39), so it isn’t punishment for some past action.  It is life and sometimes there are no answers as to the why. 

I only have answers to the how.  How we get through this is by going to God, giving Him all of our emotions, fears and being real with Him.  He wants our hurts, our worries, our struggles because He cares for us.  If we do that, He promises to be our strength and our refuge.  He promises to give us rest. 

He doesn’t promise to take away our hardships, only to give us the strength to get through them.  He will certainly give me circumstances that are more than I can handle on my own.  He isn’t the God who will dole out circumstances and see how we do.  His promise is to be my strength, my refuge and to give me rest.  He is my ever-present help.

God is Speaking to Her

Zoe is anti-toothpaste.  I do not mean she uses it and just doesn't like it.  She smells it and starts to gag.  Zoe is a bit of a puker, so when the gagging starts, I immediately change direction.  No one likes to encourage that kind of thing!

Her adult molars are in and we have a loose tooth.  More adult teeth are making their appearance and I'm nervous about not using toothpaste to protect them.  While at the store last week, I bribed her with a new toothbrush if she would pick out toothpaste she might want to try.

After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, she choose the toothpaste with sparkles under the condition that we pray about her fears first before I ever suggest she use it.

Actually picking out toothpaste is a huge leap, so I took the deal.  It's all about small victories in our house. 

Fast forward to last night. 

Zoe:  Mom, God has put it on my heart to use toothpaste.

Me:  Like, He's putting it on your heart right now and you're going to try it tonight?  *insert my silent prayer of thanks and pleading*

NO!  Nothing like that.  *insert eye roll like I've told her the most ridiculous thing ever*  He's telling me I should use it, but He hasn't given me a timeline of when yet.

I guess the negotiating phase isn't anywhere near finished!

Let's have a staring contest!

Recently I have been searching for an answer to a specific prayer request.  I’ve have an area of my life that I feel God is telling me that I'm not where He wants me.  I have been earnestly praying for an answer. 

Then a door opened!

It was a dream door.  It was something I knew, just knew was God showing me His plan.  I practically ran to that door.  It was a full-on sprint, which is amazing since I’m not really a sprinter.  I’m more “spring-training with Oprah” kind of speed walker…if I have to.

I have prayed earnestly that God would keep this door open while I was speed walkin’ toward it and it would be the answer I’ve been seeking.  I got that peaceful feeling that this was where He was leading me. 

As I reached this door, one final piece of information took the peace away.  I prayed earnestly for God to tell me that it was my human concerns causing this discontent rather than Him. 

The door kept shutting.  As I continued to pray for God to clearly, like so clear there’s no doubt, no questioning, show me this was His plan, He continued to shut that door.

It wasn’t His plan.

Can I be candid?  I cried.  It was the ugly cry.  The one where I make unnatural sounds, can’t breathe, can’t talk, all kinds of hot liquid pour out of my face and I have red eyes for hours. 

This was my plan.  This was my expectation. 

God, very clearly said, “this is not MY plan for you right now.” 

After I caught my breath and went through a box of Kleenex almost as quickly as I can go through a box of Chip’s Ahoy, an incredible peace came over me.  While I’m still sad, I know this is right. 

It doesn’t mean I understand.

It doesn’t mean I’m done grieving.

It doesn’t mean that I have any clue what His plan is.

It just means that I know God and this plan of His is ALWAYS better than mine; even if I don’t understand, even if I am sad and even if I’m completely clueless.  I have Peace that only He can bring. 

This morning God very clearly spoke to me.  By clearly, I mean it was like He has a megaphone that mirrors the decibel level of the 12^th man cheering. 

Do you want to know what He said?  The first three sentences of my devotion went something like this:

“Fix your eyes on Me.  These problems are Satan’s way of distracting you.  Eyes up child, eyes up!”

Hebrews 12:2 “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

“Fixing our eyes on” something isn’t a phrase we use in our vocabulary.  It’s actually only one word in Greek:  aphorao.  It means to stare at something intently.  I am to intentionally stare at Jesus because He is not only the creator of, but the sustainer (or perfecter) of my faith.    

Does it change the discontent in this area of my life?  Nope, not in the least.  Instead of staring at the struggle, I’m told to stare at Jesus. 

I’m not always successful, but I can tell you, without question, the peace I feel when I do stare intently at Jesus, overwhelms me.  I don’t know about you, but I could always use more peace during my day.  

Focus Your Audio

To understand this more clearly, consider that every act of aggression can be divided into two parts: intent and impact. Intent first refers to what you meant when the aggression occurred; impact, to what actually happened. The meaning behind “just kidding” is: if I didn’t intend to hurt you, the impact didn’t occur. If I was just kidding, or I didn’t mean it, I can’t get in trouble. You can’t be mad at me. You can’t not be my friend. And so on.¹

I read this quote on a blog and it got me thinking about how we communicate with each other.  Before texting and social media, you had to talk to other people with your voice and your words and your tone.  Whether that was through a phone or face-to-face, you could understand more than the written word allows.

I remember in high school I sat at a table with three other girls in science class.  One girl pulled out her lipstick and started to put some on.  I was fascinated because her lipstick was flat on the top.  She had used it so much that the point was gone.  Only one other person in my whole life has had lipstick that wore down like that:  my grandma.  I could not figure out how you do that.  To this day, I can’t make my lipstick do that.  When I saw that her lipstick was flat on top I said, “your lipstick looks like my grandma’s!”  I was excited and amazed.  She took it as an insult.  She just looked at me.  Then the other girls looked at me, mouths open.  So I clarified, “it’s flat.  How do you wear it down so it doesn’t have a point on it?”  That’s when it struck both of us that the meaning of my comment wasn’t a judgment, but a compliment because I thought it was cool and amazing.  For the next three days in class I made sure she knew that I wasn’t putting down her lipstick.  The look on her face told me just how my words had impacted her.  I never wanted to be the cause of a look like that on anyone…ever again. 

Translate that into Facebook or Instagram or Twitter or Kik or whatever other social media there is and you get a totally different outcome. 

I throw out a comment “that looks like my grandma’s” and she would be left to take that as she read it.  I can’t see the look on her face or even know that my comments were taken as an insult.  I can’t fix any damage because I’m unaware there is any.

To combat this we have sayings like “just kidding” or “just sayin’” or some other equally quick reply that is supposed to take the meaning to that fun, joking level. 

Can I speak some truth?  Anyone who says, “that bagel you’re about to eat has so much carbs in it that it could literally kill you, just sayin’” is judging you.  They feel that it is okay to state their opinion and it’s okay because they’ve thrown that “just sayin’” on the back of it that somehow makes the impact less.  I’m here to tell you, it doesn’t lessen the impact.    

Calling someone a dork online with or without a “jk” on the back is judging someone.  Because you can’t know the tone in which the statement was made in someone’s head as they were typing it.  The impact then becomes how the reader takes it.  You have no control over how it is interpreted. 

I’m a firm believer that a joke is meant to be funny, no matter if it’s written or if it’s spoken.  Name calling on social media, without the benefit of spoken words, is never funny.  It’s simply name calling.  Words like:

Ugly

Fat

Dork

Stupid

Jerk

B****

have meanings.  Throwing a “jk” on the back doesn’t change the meaning.  It doesn’t even change the impact.  The second you call someone “ugly” they don’t hear the rest of what you say.  The impact has already occurred. 

Likewise words like:

Beautiful

Smart

Amazing

Awesome

Gorgeous

Handsome

have meanings.  Would you throw a “jk” after one of those words?  Typically not.

We are in a society that has discarded in-person interaction.  I believe that creates a huge responsibility.  I read a quote that said, “if you’re mean on the internet, you’re just mean.” 

One of my struggles is with words.  I’ve seen the impact of my words many times over and I need constant reminders that I am to affirm rather than destroy.  Over the last three years this has been a lesson that God has impressed upon me.

James 3:10 “Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.”

Our words have impact, despite what our society has created as buffers (just kidding, just sayin’, etc).  We have a responsibility in person or on social media to type with more care, more concern, more clarity because once you throw a comment or a word out there, your intent and impact are no longer in your control.  Praise and putdowns do not come from the same heart. 

^{1http://www.rachelsimmons.com/2010/08/no-offense-but-i-was-just-kidding-dealing-with-mean-jokes/}

What's the plan?

Each morning I’ve got the blessing of waking Zoe up for school.  It’s one of my favorite things every day.  She wakes up easy and usually happy.

I creep into the room and she doesn’t stir.  Usually when I open the door I’ll get a little, “good morning mamma.”  This time…silence.

Once I get over my irrational fear that she has stopped breathing and my world crashes down on me, I got next to her, rubbed her back and heard:

So what’s your plan?

My plan?  I don’t have a plan.

You said you had a plan.  What is it?

I didn’t say that, but I’m thinking we’ll get up, lay on the couch, have some breakfast and get ready for school?

Okay, but that’s not the plan I thought you had!

Clearly she was mid-dream and in that dream I had a plan.  She can’t tell me what was happening that I needed to have a plan, so clearly it wasn’t something cool like we were superheroes fighting to save the universe. 

I guess I need to work on a plan for that!