Lately I've witnessed mothers being critical of their children or of other mothers. I know I've been guilty of this too. It's been on my heart recently to knock it off. Being is a parent is the hardest and most rewarding role I've ever played. I see the sweet side of our girls and I see the defiant side of them. For some reason I've been chosen to guide them through this life. The mere thought of that can paralyze me and excite me all in the same breath.
There is enormous pressure to ensure that your children have the values you want them to have, to be independent and to believe in themselves. Because this parenting thing doesn't come with a manual, I'm going through these waters without a compass. I'm human, which ensures that I'm going to make mistakes.
It seems that there are study after intellectual study about how much we're messing our kids up. If you let them watch television, they'll have no attention-span and be sloths. The next study says that television can encourage this or that. If you give your kid dessert, they'll be addicted to sweets for the rest of their life. While you're at it, cut out all flour.
There's so much noise out there that says "if you aren't doing this, your child will be messed up permanently." I don't know about you, but I put enough pressure on myself as a mother, I don't need everyone else doing it too. I especially don't need other mothers criticizing my choices simply because they're different than the choice they would've made. Honestly, being a mom is hard. I beat myself up more than anyone else can about what I am or am not doing for my girls. I sometimes struggle to even think that I'm a good mom.
I don't understand why, as mothers, we're in competition with each other. What is that going to accomplish? There is no medal for the mom who spent the most time with her kid or the mom who didn't let her child watch television. Being a mom isn't actually about me. It's about my girls. None of them are alike. What works for D doesn't work for E and both of those things don't work for Zoe. They're each an individual. Yet I'm one mom.
If you're a mom, believe that you're being the best mom that you can be. Believe that, no matter how challenging this phase is, you're doing the best that you can. If you give your best to this role that God has given to you, then you're doing a fantastic job.
Mothers, let's not knock the other mom down. What is that teaching our daughters? Let's be encouraging, supportive and listen to each other. Let's pray for each other. It'll get us farther along on this journey than cutting each other down.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Choices
There are so many things I love about age 4. I love that Zoe can tell me stories, share her opinions and we can have a conversation. Her newest thing is making up a word, like "akooah" and calling it over and over and over again. When I ask, "what does akooah mean?" She'll say something like, "it's Chinese for come here please." It cracks me up every time because she says the made up word with such confidence. I'm positive she's not 100% aware that there is a place called China, that they do have a language and that, for all I know, "akooah" means flush the toilet. She is very proud of her international language skills.
One thing we're getting into that is incredibly challenging is choices. Zoe is a fairly easy kid. She's rarely does things to get into trouble, somewhat laid back and just an absolute joy. Now that we're nearing age 5, I'm seeing the topic of choices come out.
We aren't the parents who send her to time out. We send her to her room, to sit on her bed and think about what she did. When she realizes what she did and why it was a bad choice, she'll call to us and we'll talk about it. It's similar to a time out, except that it's on her time, not our time. If it takes her 10 minutes to figure it out, it's 10 minutes. Sometimes it takes her 3 minutes. You get the idea. The ownership of the realization is on her, not on the clock.
Lately she's been making choices that we call bad choices. She's gotten snappy, mouthy and throws crying fits that last 20 minutes because her balloon popped. She has this belief that if she says "sorry" or stops crying, we'll acquiesce to her request. We're having to dig deeper into consequences of choices, both good and bad ones. It's been challenging.
She doesn't really get sassy with me nor N, but she does with my mom. She can be down right nasty. It's quite a shock to see her acting this way. Yet I know this is going to be a year where we learn some serious life lessons. The blessing in all this is she knows that talking that way isn't right. Now it's just getting her to make a better choice.
Maybe "akooah" is Chinese for "Lord give me strength." Perhaps I'm going to start work on my international mommy language. I think I'm going to need it.
One thing we're getting into that is incredibly challenging is choices. Zoe is a fairly easy kid. She's rarely does things to get into trouble, somewhat laid back and just an absolute joy. Now that we're nearing age 5, I'm seeing the topic of choices come out.
We aren't the parents who send her to time out. We send her to her room, to sit on her bed and think about what she did. When she realizes what she did and why it was a bad choice, she'll call to us and we'll talk about it. It's similar to a time out, except that it's on her time, not our time. If it takes her 10 minutes to figure it out, it's 10 minutes. Sometimes it takes her 3 minutes. You get the idea. The ownership of the realization is on her, not on the clock.
Lately she's been making choices that we call bad choices. She's gotten snappy, mouthy and throws crying fits that last 20 minutes because her balloon popped. She has this belief that if she says "sorry" or stops crying, we'll acquiesce to her request. We're having to dig deeper into consequences of choices, both good and bad ones. It's been challenging.
She doesn't really get sassy with me nor N, but she does with my mom. She can be down right nasty. It's quite a shock to see her acting this way. Yet I know this is going to be a year where we learn some serious life lessons. The blessing in all this is she knows that talking that way isn't right. Now it's just getting her to make a better choice.
Maybe "akooah" is Chinese for "Lord give me strength." Perhaps I'm going to start work on my international mommy language. I think I'm going to need it.
Monday, September 26, 2011
The Fairest Of Them All and A Wet Willy
This weekend was a little slice of heaven. On Saturday, we only left the house once and it was only for 45 minutes. Beyond that, we were in jammies, eating yummy corn chowder and enjoying some crafty time.
Zoe made a bear while my mom and I quilted. We don't have much to show for our time, but we will soon! It was glorious and much needed. I even got to watch Facing the Giants. I've heard quite a bit about the movie and really didn't have much desire to see it. My mom LOVES it, so she threw it in while we were quilting. OH.MY.WORD! One of the best movies I've seen probably ever. The acting isn't great, but the story is. I cried like a baby. It really doesn't take much for me to cry, but that's not really the point. Just a good, uplifting movie.
Once it was over, Zoe insisted we watch her movie. She picked out Snow White. Then she had to dress like Snow White, complete with a red bow in her hair. For the next 5 hours we played Snow White. Just the part where she eats the apple, gets put in a bed and then the prince comes.
Finally N got home Saturday night from Men's Camp. Exactly 52 minutes after he walked in the door, he fell asleep. You know it was a deep sleep because a wet willy didn't even stir him.
It was a weekend full of moments that fill your soul. Time with my mom and Zoe was much needed. N's time with his men playing camp pranks on one another was much needed. In the midst of all the crazy, it was nice to just relax and be.
Zoe made a bear while my mom and I quilted. We don't have much to show for our time, but we will soon! It was glorious and much needed. I even got to watch Facing the Giants. I've heard quite a bit about the movie and really didn't have much desire to see it. My mom LOVES it, so she threw it in while we were quilting. OH.MY.WORD! One of the best movies I've seen probably ever. The acting isn't great, but the story is. I cried like a baby. It really doesn't take much for me to cry, but that's not really the point. Just a good, uplifting movie.
Once it was over, Zoe insisted we watch her movie. She picked out Snow White. Then she had to dress like Snow White, complete with a red bow in her hair. For the next 5 hours we played Snow White. Just the part where she eats the apple, gets put in a bed and then the prince comes.
Finally N got home Saturday night from Men's Camp. Exactly 52 minutes after he walked in the door, he fell asleep. You know it was a deep sleep because a wet willy didn't even stir him.
It was a weekend full of moments that fill your soul. Time with my mom and Zoe was much needed. N's time with his men playing camp pranks on one another was much needed. In the midst of all the crazy, it was nice to just relax and be.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Can't Keep Her Down
School started exactly 3 weeks ago today for Zoe. I've been counting down the days until the first illness hits our house. One of her little friends came down with an ear infection and a fever in week one. I knew it was only a matter of time. Like clockwork, the end of week two started the drippy nose and a low-grade fever.
It wasn't anything I was too concerned about because Zoe tends to do that. She'll get a low-grade fever and a runny nose if she's overly tired. She gets that randomly throughout the year. I didn't think too much of it.
Yesterday afternoon she was totally okay. No runny nose. No low-grade fever. Energy I wish I could bottle. She was great.
Until 7:15.
She grabbed her ear, complained that it hurt and wanted to go to bed. She was asleep by 7:30.
It wasn't a restful sleep either. She'd toss and turn, whimper and just generally feel terrible. It broke my heart to see her like that.
I've planned to call the school and let them know she wouldn't be there. I've planned to call the doctor and get in to see him today.
She woke up, totally ready for school. No runny nose. No low-grade fever. No ear pain. Nothing. She's totally fine.
I woke up with a scratchy throat and a small headache. I have a feeling it jumped ship from her glands and landed in mine. I'm not taking bets that in a few days, I'll get 12 hours of sleep and feel totally refreshed.
It wasn't anything I was too concerned about because Zoe tends to do that. She'll get a low-grade fever and a runny nose if she's overly tired. She gets that randomly throughout the year. I didn't think too much of it.
Yesterday afternoon she was totally okay. No runny nose. No low-grade fever. Energy I wish I could bottle. She was great.
Until 7:15.
She grabbed her ear, complained that it hurt and wanted to go to bed. She was asleep by 7:30.
It wasn't a restful sleep either. She'd toss and turn, whimper and just generally feel terrible. It broke my heart to see her like that.
I've planned to call the school and let them know she wouldn't be there. I've planned to call the doctor and get in to see him today.
She woke up, totally ready for school. No runny nose. No low-grade fever. No ear pain. Nothing. She's totally fine.
I woke up with a scratchy throat and a small headache. I have a feeling it jumped ship from her glands and landed in mine. I'm not taking bets that in a few days, I'll get 12 hours of sleep and feel totally refreshed.
Monday, September 19, 2011
We Had Ourselves a Date
To celebrate our sixth anniversary, we went to the Fair. We got to eat Fair food, namely an elephant ear for me. I love them things. N was very excited because the official drink of the Fair was Pepsi. That basically means that I got to bring my small purse because N could purchase a Mt. Dew rather than requiring me to smuggle one in.
I also recently learned that the traditional anniversary gift for the sixth year is either sugar or iron. I'd say with the huge elephant ear and the equally huge Mt. Dew, we're covered!
We had bought tickets to Switchfoot about a month ago. We bought some Gold level seats because we like to watch our concerts in style. When we found our seats, we were like 15 rows from the stage. Hello awesome! See how excited we are!
As the sun was setting, the band came out and rocked it. Here's Jon Foreman, the lead singer belting out their tunes.
N got better pictures on his phone, but still a great show. Jon even climbed a concrete wall to enter the grandstands and mingle with the people up there.
They are full of energy, have great music and really connect with the crowd. We had a blast celebrating our marriage with these fine musicians.
Next year is wool. I'm thinking Ireland and a nice sweater from there. Knowing N, he's thinking petting zoo.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Six
Because we're celebrating six years of marriage together, I thought I'd celebrate with a list. After six years, that's how you begin to think. Lists for the grocery store, what the kiddos have to take to school in the morning, what your husband has to get done while he's home on the weekends, etc. Without further ado, the 6 odd facts about N, a la Letterman Style:
6) His love of reptiles and rodents: This has nothing to do with the fact that I like those things or I let him have any of those things as pets. It has everything to do with the fact that he can capture them so I don't have to. Once a tree frog got into our house and jumped into the underpart of the couch. N fished that bad boy out so I didn't have to.
He also oncetook apart the garage found a small snake in our garage and got rid of it because I was absolutely freaking out.
5) He will always let me have the last bite of dessert: Had I known this would be an important quality in a man, I so would've had that on my list years ago as a quality I wanted. As I grow older, I find this to be one of my favorite things about him. Don't count on him to leave any popcorn though.
4) He's constantly beat-boxing: He's always got some tune or beat going through his head. Always. Zoe will ask her daddy to give her a beat and he will. It's so natural that she assumes we all can do it. When she asks me to give her a beat, I can't, she gets a little frustrated and asks that we call daddy.
He can remix any song. Lately it's been Jesus Loves Me and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Zoe's bedtime songs are always way cooler when daddy is around. Mommy just does showtunes.
3) His dreams are vivid: He used to help do training in the Air Force. They'd go out in a big, wooded area and practice their combat skills. I don't know much about it, but he got to shoot guns, with I can only assume blanks because everyone always survived. One night, after some of this training, I woke up to him protecting me and him protending to shoot the bad guys. Anytime he does something is fun and can be reinacted, I can usually find him doing it in his sleep.
Why this cracks me up is because Zoe does the exact same thing. She once had a snowball fight in her dreams and threw things off her bed. On days that are particularly exciting, I try to take a nap.
2) He knows a joke for just about any topic: I'm not entirely sure if he Googles them prior to knowing he'll need one, but he's always got a knock, knock joke for Zoe or a joke/saying for any setting. He always amazes me with his random knowledge.
1) Speaking of random knowledge, he's an expert on anything comic: I'm not sure if it's because he used to have a ton of time on his hands or if he does now, but he can tell you the history and the connection between all the superheros. He knows why Xavier in X-Men is the way he is. He can also tell you why Robin is with Batman, what Thor's favorite bedtime snack is and what particles make up Kryptonite. I don't really retain any of this, but I get a little history lesson prior to any comic-based movie. Half the time I think he's just making it up, but then, somehow during the movie, that little tidbit of information gets mentioned. I wonder if he knows that much about Wonder Woman?
Thank you N for introducing me to the inner-workings of the comic world, beat-boxing remix versions of all songs and protecting me from imaginary enemies and reptiles! You are my hero love and I couldn't imagine my life without you. I love you.
6) His love of reptiles and rodents: This has nothing to do with the fact that I like those things or I let him have any of those things as pets. It has everything to do with the fact that he can capture them so I don't have to. Once a tree frog got into our house and jumped into the underpart of the couch. N fished that bad boy out so I didn't have to.
He also once
5) He will always let me have the last bite of dessert: Had I known this would be an important quality in a man, I so would've had that on my list years ago as a quality I wanted. As I grow older, I find this to be one of my favorite things about him. Don't count on him to leave any popcorn though.
4) He's constantly beat-boxing: He's always got some tune or beat going through his head. Always. Zoe will ask her daddy to give her a beat and he will. It's so natural that she assumes we all can do it. When she asks me to give her a beat, I can't, she gets a little frustrated and asks that we call daddy.
He can remix any song. Lately it's been Jesus Loves Me and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. Zoe's bedtime songs are always way cooler when daddy is around. Mommy just does showtunes.
3) His dreams are vivid: He used to help do training in the Air Force. They'd go out in a big, wooded area and practice their combat skills. I don't know much about it, but he got to shoot guns, with I can only assume blanks because everyone always survived. One night, after some of this training, I woke up to him protecting me and him protending to shoot the bad guys. Anytime he does something is fun and can be reinacted, I can usually find him doing it in his sleep.
Why this cracks me up is because Zoe does the exact same thing. She once had a snowball fight in her dreams and threw things off her bed. On days that are particularly exciting, I try to take a nap.
2) He knows a joke for just about any topic: I'm not entirely sure if he Googles them prior to knowing he'll need one, but he's always got a knock, knock joke for Zoe or a joke/saying for any setting. He always amazes me with his random knowledge.
1) Speaking of random knowledge, he's an expert on anything comic: I'm not sure if it's because he used to have a ton of time on his hands or if he does now, but he can tell you the history and the connection between all the superheros. He knows why Xavier in X-Men is the way he is. He can also tell you why Robin is with Batman, what Thor's favorite bedtime snack is and what particles make up Kryptonite. I don't really retain any of this, but I get a little history lesson prior to any comic-based movie. Half the time I think he's just making it up, but then, somehow during the movie, that little tidbit of information gets mentioned. I wonder if he knows that much about Wonder Woman?
Thank you N for introducing me to the inner-workings of the comic world, beat-boxing remix versions of all songs and protecting me from imaginary enemies and reptiles! You are my hero love and I couldn't imagine my life without you. I love you.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
The New Routine is in Full Swing
We are almost completely moved. It's only been going on for the better part of 2 months. I'm nothing if not efficient.
Once all the moving is done, I can finally focus on life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not checking out or anything, but it's hard to remember to search through magazines for a picture that starts with the letter "M" for Zoe's school project, sew a bear onto your daughter's AWANA vest, prepare for the story time at said AWANA, find a pair of ballet flats that you love and are somewhere in the stack of 5 boxes currently in front of your closet and remember to charge your phone.
I know that sounds silly, I do always remember to charge my phone! Life is a bit hectic still and the holidays are upon us.
I know what you're thinking. I've lost track of time and my ballet flats. We are 10 days into birthday season. We have, at a minimum, one birthday a week until mid-October, plus our anniversary. Honestly, I like the anniversary celebration a whole lot more than my birthday for several reasons, but mainly because I feel like we've accomplished something. With a birthday you've been alive for 34 years. Yeah, congratulations, you've been breathing for 34 years. Yeah you! Here's some cake! Don't get me wrong, I love birthdays, but I just don't feel like they really represent anything great now.
Unlike our girl's birthdays. Zoe is super excited as her birthday is the next in line. She always tells people it's her second birthday, but last night I told her it's her fifth birthday. Now the word fifth is her favorite word. She thinks it's so fun to say. Really, she'll be a whole hand, so that's a huge accomplishment! Plus she's no longer calling it her second birthday, so another accomplishment! Yeah Zoe!
Anyway, as I was saying, I like the anniversary better. I feel like that 6 on our imaginary anniversary cake means something. I envision a cake with camouflage decoration, a bride in her gown with camouflage paint on her face pointing a gun off one side of the cake and the groom, dressed in a tux with a camouflaged painted face, pointing his gun off the other side. In a kinda "I got your back" type scene.
In many ways that's how our marriage feels. We're both fiercely protective of our marriage and of each other. No matter what, I know N has my back. For the last 6 years, he's been keeping his post. I've had friends come and go, but he's always been there in the trenches with me. He encourages me, loves me inspite of my quirks, supports me and holds me accountable.
That proverbial "6" that will be on our imaginary camouflage cake this year has more weight that I can fully describe. It's the milestone in life that I'm most proud of. In spite of all this chaos and moving and settling into a routine, he's my constant.
Tomorrow we celebrate this milestone. Our anniversary tradition is to attend a concert. This year Switchfoot came to the Fair on our anniversary. I have a feeling they did it just for us. I wonder if I can convince N to wear camouflage paint on his face to the concert. Maybe I will so when I eat my second elephant ear, they won't recognize me.
Once all the moving is done, I can finally focus on life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not checking out or anything, but it's hard to remember to search through magazines for a picture that starts with the letter "M" for Zoe's school project, sew a bear onto your daughter's AWANA vest, prepare for the story time at said AWANA, find a pair of ballet flats that you love and are somewhere in the stack of 5 boxes currently in front of your closet and remember to charge your phone.
I know that sounds silly, I do always remember to charge my phone! Life is a bit hectic still and the holidays are upon us.
I know what you're thinking. I've lost track of time and my ballet flats. We are 10 days into birthday season. We have, at a minimum, one birthday a week until mid-October, plus our anniversary. Honestly, I like the anniversary celebration a whole lot more than my birthday for several reasons, but mainly because I feel like we've accomplished something. With a birthday you've been alive for 34 years. Yeah, congratulations, you've been breathing for 34 years. Yeah you! Here's some cake! Don't get me wrong, I love birthdays, but I just don't feel like they really represent anything great now.
Unlike our girl's birthdays. Zoe is super excited as her birthday is the next in line. She always tells people it's her second birthday, but last night I told her it's her fifth birthday. Now the word fifth is her favorite word. She thinks it's so fun to say. Really, she'll be a whole hand, so that's a huge accomplishment! Plus she's no longer calling it her second birthday, so another accomplishment! Yeah Zoe!
Anyway, as I was saying, I like the anniversary better. I feel like that 6 on our imaginary anniversary cake means something. I envision a cake with camouflage decoration, a bride in her gown with camouflage paint on her face pointing a gun off one side of the cake and the groom, dressed in a tux with a camouflaged painted face, pointing his gun off the other side. In a kinda "I got your back" type scene.
In many ways that's how our marriage feels. We're both fiercely protective of our marriage and of each other. No matter what, I know N has my back. For the last 6 years, he's been keeping his post. I've had friends come and go, but he's always been there in the trenches with me. He encourages me, loves me inspite of my quirks, supports me and holds me accountable.
That proverbial "6" that will be on our imaginary camouflage cake this year has more weight that I can fully describe. It's the milestone in life that I'm most proud of. In spite of all this chaos and moving and settling into a routine, he's my constant.
Tomorrow we celebrate this milestone. Our anniversary tradition is to attend a concert. This year Switchfoot came to the Fair on our anniversary. I have a feeling they did it just for us. I wonder if I can convince N to wear camouflage paint on his face to the concert. Maybe I will so when I eat my second elephant ear, they won't recognize me.
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