Say my name, Spidermonkey

I had a Friday Five Fave post all ready to go seeing how I'm running on limited sleep. However, I feel it is my duty to give this Public Sevice Announcement to you all.

My friends Becca, Kristi and I all stood in line last night at 10:45 pm with 4 theaters full of teenagers and their parents to see the midnight showing of Twilight. I think we were the oldest people there on our own accord.

If you've been reading this blog you know I have a real fondness for the series. The books create a wonderful love story. Becca and Kristi are just as crazy about the books as I am. We were as excited as the girls wearing Twilight t-shirts behind us. See. Pictures of us, not the shirts.

Becca and me
Kristi and Becca

We were also fully aware that it would be hard to take a 500 page book and condense it into a 2 hour movie. Especially since Stephenie Meyer goes into great detail to explain her characters. Not to mention one of the main characters, Edward, can read minds. That's hard to translate into the movies. Not impossible, but hard.

Since these books have outsold Harry Potter, I thought we could expect a similar calibur movie.

You know what they say about assumptions. Don't do it.

If you have read the books or are thinking about reading them, do not see this movie. Maybe it's because I'm not a teenager. The whole audience was laughing during a commercial for some video game with rabid animals. That really could be why I hated it. I couldn't relate to the movie like I could with the books. However, I don't think that's it.

Here's where I go into spoilers.

They only kept three things from the book the same. 1) The characters's names. 2) The fact that Bella drove an old Chevy truck (they had Edward driving a different type of car). 3) There was a baseball game.

Beyond that, nothing was the same. Nothing.

Stephenie Meyer created a fictional story in a real town, Forks, Washington. Did they film in Forks? Nope. When they talk about the Olympic Penninsula what do you think we saw? The Columbia Gorge and Multnomah Falls. Granted some teenager in St. Petersburg, Florida will never know the difference. Anyone in the Pacific NW or who has visited here knows. Multnomah Falls is a pretty big deal. Not to mention the beaches between northern Washington and Oregon are drastically different.

Stephenie Meyer is a member of the LDS church. The books contain no alcohol, no swearing and limited sexual tension. They are fairly wholesome. The movie had no swearing, which was great. Probably the only positive I have (next to Kristin Stewart really being the only good actor in the bunch). However, Bella's father is the chief of police in Forks. Apparently when you put his character on the big screen, he develops a love of beer. We're not talking any beer. We're talking 16 oz cans of Rainier Beer. Because that's all we have available in Washington. Being so close to Mt. Rainier and all. It totally didn't fit his character. I can't believe anyone on the Stephenie Meyer camp didn't complain about that.

The special effects were horrible. The relationship development between Edward and Bella was lacking. Their chemistry was non-existent. Billy, the Native American Chief, used the term "homeboy" like it was a normal part of his vernacular. They eliminated a character completely.

Here's the part where I became totally aware I would hate this movie. None of the characters had any of the same personality traits from the book. Bella is quite, thoughtful and inquisitive. In the movie she is forward, angsty and monotone. I have no idea what Robert Pattinson did with his facial expressions, but they were angry not charming and alluring. He's supposed to be born in 1901, so he should have some old world charm to him. He used the term "spidermonkey" for crying out loud.

I don't think it's because I had this vision in my head, I think it's because the poor direction, the horrible screenplay and the lack of the actors reading any of the books.

I could go one for hours on why I hated this movie. When you have a cult-like following you have a responsibility to create a visual world that the author created. They were able to do that with Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. There is no reason they should've have been able to do that with this movie.

It was almost like the studio executives knew anyone who was a fan of the movie would see it, so they could give them the same budget as those Napoleon Dynamite kids. It was insulting. It was disappointing. They've paved the way for a sequel.

Consider yourself warned, spidermonkey.

Lasik's new marketing campaign

In addition to a sold house and spending some time with the animals, I got some new Nike kicks. To truly appreciate why this is important, I must give you some history.

The day after our wedding, N and I had some time to kill. We weren't leaving for our honeymoon until the next morning, so we went shopping for some comfy airplane clothes. That's what everyone does the day after their wedding!

Part of my airplane ensemble was a new pair of Nike Shocks. They were beautiful. White. Silver. Pink. I loved them. I wore them with pride.

On the return flight, I wore them again. They were, afterall, my airplane shoes. Back in the day, I would sleep on the plane to make the flight go that much faster. I'm sure N was so glad he had me for his life's travel partner at that point. I'd take out my contacts, put my glasses on and rest my head on N's shoulder. Plus that particular return flight happened to be on my 28th birthday. As you get older, you need more sleep.

We landed in LAX. I had my old prescription glasses. Anyone who wears contacts knows that when you go from your current prescription contacts to old prescription glasses you tend to not see as well. Especially since the glasses were about 4 prescriptions old.

I needed to use the restroom. The very first stall that I came to was open and appeared to be clean. I took it. As I was in there I realized that someone did not feel well next to me. The smell kept getting worse. That's when I discovered why the very first stall was available. I was stepping in human poop. In my new Nike Shox.

Because I couldn't see very well at a distance, you can only imagine how close I came to it. I quickly ran to the sink, washed my hands, put in my contacts and began the process of trying to de-poop my shoes. Unfortunately all my other shoes were in my luggage on their way to the next leg of our journey.

I'm stuck in my human poop shoes on my birthday for who knows how much longer.

All the while, N is waiting outside the restroom for me. When I finally emerged a changed woman, he said I was in there for about 40 minutes. He was about to send someone in there for me. Then he saw my eyes. They were almost teary.

As the new husband that he was, he demanded that I tell him what was wrong. I could barely get out the words human and poop. Then when I did, he kept a good 20 feet between us. That's love!

When we got home, I quickly disinfected the shoes until they smelled only of bleach. I probably should've just thrown them away, but after spending a small fortune on them, I wasn't going to let that LAX incident stop me.

I've been wearing them ever since. Always reminded of why we fly into John Wayne airport rather than LAX.

Now we've walked many more miles, always careful to avoid poop of any kind. It is time I say good-bye to my human poop shoes and onto the next chapter of Nikes. My new ones are black, so they'll hide everything and pink. Plus they're part of the Livestrong line, which I'm positive I'll need to be if we ever get to LAX again.

I can hear the hallelujah chorus in the background

Rodents of Unusual Size

Part of our Seattle trip included a drive to Point Defiance. In all the time we lived over there, we apparently didn't get out much. I LOVED Point Defiance. It's a park with a zoo and aquarium. There are lots of places with trails, they have flower gardens, a pagoda and a great view of the mountains. Honestly, I think I would've gone to the park every weekend while I was there. It was beautiful.

The entire drive around the park N and I were trying to decide how Zoe would react. Would she love it or hate it? I've never been a big fan of the zoo because of the smell. At the age of 4 the San Diego Zoo was not full of wonder and cool animals, but bad smells and a not-so-fun time. You see, I'm high maintenance. I like pleasant smells.

N on the other hand loves all things animal. He was doing his best to convince me on our need for a hamster. I told him he could have one once the divorce is final. Because those things are rodents and I don't do rodents. I barely do fish. He'd have to divorce me to get a hamster.

He's decided to live a life without pets. Knowing what a big animal lover he is, he must love me a WHOLE bunch.

We met up with our friends Ami and Shawn. Their son Aiden is three weeks older than Zoe. We were excited to see them at their zoo playdate.

The first thing we came to was the lemurs and meerkats. All I could think of what the song, "we like to move it move it." Although these little creatures were less musical. They didn't hold much of Zoe's interest. The slide at the playground won out.

Nevermind that she got stuck about half way down.

Part of the playground is a petting zoo. This is where Zoe is totally put to the test. Is she like me or N? Apparently she's like me. The closer that she and N got to the goats, the bigger the tears. I think N has some scratches on his neck from where Zoe was clawing at him to get away.

Aiden on the other hand couldn't get enough pellets to feed the goats. He has no fear.

You'll notice no pictures of Zoe anywhere near the goats or Aiden. She kept a safe distance and yelled for him to stop or for the goats to leave. I couldn't quite make out which it was.

It was then time for the arctic tundra. Also known as polar bears, seals, walrus and whales. Neither Aiden or Zoe are sure which way they should tell their dads to go.

The seals and whales moved a bit too fast for Zoe. She was NOT interested in them. We went to the walrus glass. The girl loves her some walrus. E.T. is the male and weighs at least 1.5 tons. Priscilla is the other walrus we saw and she would come up to the glass to swim for Zoe. I'm not sure how big she is since girls don't discuss weight. Despite the fact that these animals were like 50 times Zoe's size, she was totally in love. She would talk to them, tell them to come back. I can't be sure, but I think she blew kisses. We got some good video that I'll have to post.

Once we pried the kids away from the walrus tank, we checked out the polar bears. She LOVED this guy. Quite frankly, it looks terrifying to me.

I think the next part is what I hate most about the zoo. You see all the zoo workers love these animals the way I love Zoe. They think just because I'm at the zoo, I love animals too. In reality I'm just a mother trying to be brave for her daughter. I prefer plexiglass and cages. You can imagine how quickly my heart started beating when we came across Patrick.

N was all up front getting pictures. It was like he didn't realize that Patrick had quills of death. Or that the caretaker laughed about how sharp his teeth were and she has some scars. Like it was just another day with her friend. The sweat started to bead on my forehead as the thought of a porcupine attack. I had a hard time getting N away from Patrick. He was totally in love. I could see N thinking about ways to convince me that we need a Patrick. He knew there was no hope Patrick would come home with us when Patrick's caretakers said he was a rodent.

Didn't make him stop from running up to Buckley, another rodent of unusual size. At least this one was on a leash. And didn't have quills of death. It almost made you think you could get one as a pet. Then he started clawing at his caretaker. More beads of sweat and some black spots in my vision.

Once I calmed down and were a safe distance from the large rodents, we found a nearby cafe. We grabbed some lunch with a peacock who felt the need to be the 7th inhabitant at our table. N thought it was cool they were so close. I began freaking out. Not as much as when I discovered around some lattice work was a snake tank. It's safe to say I inhaled my food and willed myself to not think about "The Birds" or "Snakes on a Plane."

Quickly I ran around the outdoor cafe to the aquarium. Also known as sanctuary with plexiglass. They have a really cool Pacific Northwest Rivers display. I saw all the things you'll find in the waters up here. Which again, makes me glad for swimming pools and the YMCA. Some of those star fish are bigger than a car tire. Freaky!

They didn't hold much of Zoe's attention. Apparently if you're not 1.5 tons of swimming gracefulness, you mean nothing to her.

Unless you're a shark.

The girl loves her some underwater predators. Perhaps it's because the sand sharks look like they're sleeping. We could barely get her away from the shark tank. She was totally impressed. For once she and Aiden liked the same thing!

She even likes to pretend we got eaten by one. I scream, she laughs.


Daddy makes some face.

The zoo was a great time. Next visit we'll see the monkeys, lions and tigers. One a cool day with a slight breeze so I don't have to smell anything unpleasant.

The Adventure Continues. Continues. Continues.

We are back from Seattle. I use the term Seattle loosely because we never actually made it to Seattle. I gotta say, nothing is close to anything else there. We've spent 4 days in the car.

I learned to fix the DVD player without actually looking at it. I can sing every Backyardigan song on either DVD. I can change a diaper in the backseat with all the doors closed and a car seat taking up half the seat. I got pretty proficient in living out of our car.

All-in-all, it was a great trip. While we barely got time to relax, we did get to see lots of friends and sign paperwork on the house. Because we packed so much into 4 days, I'm going to spread out these pictures for as long as I can on this here blog. Quite frankly, after traveling with a toddler, that's about all my brain can take for now.

Oh I kid, she was great. When we got to the hotel room all she wanted to do was sit and read. Apparently she likes to simulate being in the car for as long as possible.


Friday morning she got her mojo back. She stuffed Puppy (I tell you, we're very clever with the names at our house) in her hood and carried him around. She was a little upset when she couldn't sit in her car seat without Puppy in her hood. Once she saw the DVD, she forgot all about Puppy and demanded some Pooh.


Does it look like he's trying to make a jump for it to anyone else?

After an hour drive up to Bellevue to sign paperwork, she decided she would take us to our next stop, after she handed me her binky. A girl has to concentrate.


After signing papers, we went to Bell Square for some lunch with our realtor, Ryan Lex. It was the first time we've met him. He's as delightful in person as he is on the phone. We had a great time in fellowship with him and in prayer. God knew exactly who He had in mind to sell our house. We're so grateful to Him that it was Ryan.

It was a perfect way to end this house saga.

Sometimes it's still a little surreal. I've been picturing this day in my mind for 18 months and 24 days. I still wasn't prepared for how truly great this would feel. Not to mention how much weight that has been lifted. Through Bell Square I wanted to just bust out in song and dance. We had just met Ryan, so I figured I'll keep that part of me under wraps for now. We save that for the second meeting!

Next up, the zoo!

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

When N and I bought the house in Puyallup we made two rookie mistakes. We aimed higher than our pocketbook and didn't seek any counsel. We were trying to live the dream and were convinced we were smarter than we actually were. In reality the house became a way to drift the focus away from some problems in our marriage we weren't willing to work on.

Then two things happened. Zoe & I got sick and N got out of the military. All the goals, thoughts, dreams we had for the future built on a cracked foundation were challenged by these two events. We made the decision to leave our first home and move back to Spokane to be near family who could help us.

Instead of looking years into the future our scope became smaller. It could be guaged by days or hours rather than years. When you start looking at life in smaller increments all the cracks start to show themselves. You either face them or they break you. Which only leaves you the option of dealing with them. One way or the other.

I'm not going to sugarcoat it. N and I were to the point we were separating assets and trying to figure out how to live separately and still maintain that Puyallup house. There was no way to do that. We had to stay together. We didn't like each other. There were days we barely spoke. My poor mother probably regretted the decision to let us move in with her. A decision had to be made.

Instead of living in anger and dislike, we sought the help of our pastor. My Dad B. His counsel, prayer and accountability helped get N and I on the right track and remaining under the same roof. I know God used him in my life in many ways, but none was more evident than through my marriage.

Once N and I were on God's path, the Puyallup house became a symbol of what we had overcome. We have had two realtors that I would've preferred not to have. We've had two realtors that were/are a God-send. The most recent gentleman, Ryan Lex with Skyline Properties, is the man that I believe God has been waiting for us to find. Within a month of working with him we had a buyer. Ryan is ethical, honest and willing to give advice, which is much needed. His faith isn't something he wears on his sleeve, it's something he lives. There is no one else I want getting this commission than him.

Now we're in Bellevue signing the paper, saying good-bye to the past and hello to God's plan. We're meeting Ryan for the first time and celebrating all that God has provided for us.

As I look back on the last 18 months it's been the best of times and the worst of times. Yet God has remained faithful through it all. He's surrounded N and I with a family that shares our trials and joys, a church family that ministers to us and new friends. While I have no idea what the next hour, day or even year holds, I know the foundation is strong. It's not built on false wisdom or pipedreams, but on Him. On His plans yet unknown.

While His plans will include trials and joys, we can rest easy knowing that we are surrounded by family that won't let us fail and are willing to pray with us, helping N and I stay focus on God rather than all the other noise.

As N and I see the many blessings He has been bestowing on us, may He provide the same for you. May He be your guide in the best of times and the worst of times.

"May the Lord bless you and keep you.

May His face shine upon you.

May His countenance be with you and give you peace."

Numbers 6:24-26

Personality Test

Everyone seems to be taking personality tests. I figured, with all the challenges I face at work, might as well see what my personality is and what I should be doing.

I'm an ESFJ:

Extraverted (shocker)

Sensing

Feeling

Judging

I should be in sales or management. I think finance fits in that category. At least I know I'm headed down the right path.

What's interesting is the other ESFJ's that are out there. Martin Luther King, Jr., Dezi Arnaz, Eleanor Roosevelt and Elvis Stojko.

I was a little excited to be the same as Elvis Stojko. Not to discount the others, but he's my favorite. I remember some Olympics in high school where he did a quadruple turn in the air and the followed it up with a back flip. While wearing a leather coat.

What's not to love about that? We're the same personality. Go figure.

Perhaps I should start wearing my leather coats.

And twirling in the halls while I refill my water.