Shocked

Given what I know about life, which isn’t much, I am surprised every day. Some days it’s that Zoe can recite a Bible verse that she heard once a year ago like she just learned it today. Some days it’s that Toby will actually lay on the floor like a real dog rather than requiring his bed, like the high-maintenance dog that he is. Some days it’s N, who sends me a sweet text that makes me whole day brighter.

I’m constantly amazed by the people in my life and, at times, strangers. This can also go in the other direction, where people lack social graces and common sense, but I’m feeling very “glass is half full today” and don’t want to ruin that.

Rewind to Sunday. We had to run some errands at the mall. Usually we have to do three things at the mall with Zoe:

1. Get a pretzel. It’s a MUST that we get one of these, with cheese dip because walking the mall is so exhausting. In reality, she does need to keep her strength up for the other two things we MUST do.

2. Visit Bark Ave. It’s a pet store in the mall with dogs. Little dogs that look like a chew toy next to Toby. They also go for a minimum of $425, but most are $800 or so. We spend a good 20 minutes looking at the dogs, oohing and aahing over them and then leave with a sad girl who just wants one!

3. Playing at the play structure. It’s my go-to bribe for the lack of dog. Plus it wears her out, I can sit and watch and we’re all happy when we leave.

Of course we went to get a pretzel after we did some shopping for N. On the way to the pretzel place, we got very sad. The dog store is gone. As in, it’s as though it never existed. For all I know, it’s been gone for a year because I try to avoid the mall at all costs. Oh how the junior high me would grieve right now.

We got our pretzel and decided to walk over to Kohl’s since I needed some things. The play structure is outside Kohl’s on the main level. We decided to walk on the upper level to avoid Zoe seeing the play structure. Outside Kohl’s on the upper level is a new pet store. I use the term “pet” very loosely. None of these are pets to me. They are the things of nightmares. If one is in my house or garage, I will not inhabit said house until it is removed.

Of course I’m talking about snakes or, as the store referred to them, “reptiles.” Apparently they aren’t just selling snakes, they have lizards too. Meat-eating lizards. It’s not that this is in the mall, but the whole store front is a BIG cage for these reptiles. Mainly their prized reptiles. Just being within 10 yards of this store, my skin goes cold and I have a physical reaction. I’m not terrified of many things, but reptiles are at the top of my list.

Truthfully, they just freak me out. I can’t even look at pictures of reptiles without feeling something physical. Actually it’s more of a “WARNING! Danger! Run away!” I don’t know what it is either. I’ve never really come in contact with one, except on a high school trip. I’ll save that story for another day. It involves N killing a rattlesnake and keeping the rattler. I found the rattler after we were married, 13 years later in a Bubble Tape container. To say I almost sharted myself would be an understatement.

Back to the mall...typically Zoe will take a wide birth around this store. She isn’t a fan of it when she’s with grandma at the mall. It kinda freaks her out.

That is until she has daddy with her. Of course, when N saw the store, he practically ran. He loves all things reptile. If he could have a lizard and a snake as pets, he’d be all over it before I finished the sentence. Because he loves me and doesn’t wish to end our marriage, he’s willing to let go of that dream and just visit reptile stores.

N told me to wait outside the store, in front of the large cage and he’d be right out. Zoe yells, “wait for me daddy!” She LOVED it. She wanted to see all the snakes and lizards. She couldn’t wait to tell me that she saw a snake that was bigger than her, both in length and weight! I got a little woozy.

I’m so glad she has a daddy who will show her all the things I won’t. What works in my favor is that Zoe likes to go see them with her daddy, but doesn’t want them at her house. She’s still got a little of me in her!

Content

This weekend was busy and full.  D & E came for a visit.  It is always a joy to have them.  I'm just so amazed at how quickly they are growing.  D is in junior high now and went to her first dance.  In junior high, the boys are on one side, the girls on the other and you don't really dance with each other.  Near each other is a better term. 

She's making new friends.  She's doing well in school.  She has a joy that shines out of her that is contageous.  I'm so proud of her.  I know she's struggling with some things.  God gave us a moment to talk.  I know I'm only the step-mom, but I truly feel the same love for her as I do Zoe. 

E is doing really well.  I was worried about her making good choices.  She's showing me that my worry is for nothing.  She's doing well in school.  She's making friends and wants to keep AWANA as a priority.  I saw a side of E this weekend that I haven't seen before.  She amazes me.  I can't wait to see what the future holds for her. 

Zoe is Zoe.  She's funny, sassy and sweet all in a little package.  Last night we were hanging out and she wanted to watch Cinderella in my room after her bath.  We got cozy on my bed to watch our favorite movie together.  She snuggled into me, turn her head, got a little pout and said, "mommy, I think it's a great night for a slumber party!"  How can I say no to that?

Not only did I get my three girls, I got my one man!  N had a long weekend.  Yesterday we got to spend the morning together.  It was the perfect weekend. 

I am so blessed.

I'm So Glad She Knows How to Talk

There are many times I struggle with knowing if I'm being a good mom.  I work full-time, we are a busy family and I sometimes struggle to realize that I'm doing enough.  I like to be the best at everything I do and there are times when life doesn't feel that way. 

I'm slowly realizing that being the best isn't the same as giving your best.  Perhaps it's because I know the devastating effects of not having a parent give you any of their time that I'm so much more aware of my interaction with Zoe.  There are small things in life that remind me just how close of a relationship Zoe and I have. 

Today was supposed to be field trip day, so I took today off work.  Yesterday, due to rain, they cancelled the field trip.  I decided to work and save my vacation time.  I had still promised Zoe that we'd have a slumber party.  I had to get everything ready the night before so I wouldn't wake her this morning.

It was the best night.  She was SO excited to have a slumber party with me.  It was a special treat.  When I got home from Bible study last night, she was ready for bed.  She picked out a book and we cuddled as I read to her.  After we turned out the lights, I sang her a song.  Just as she was in her sleepy place, almost ready to fall asleep, she said, "I just really love you mommy." 

That girl touches my heart in ways I'm not prepared for.  I am so blessed.

EEEK!

Tomorrow is a field trip for Zoe's school.  Because I'm always looking for reasons to take a day off and spend time with her, I took tomorrow off. 

Last night, as I was tucking her into bed, this was our conversation:

Z:  Mommy, I'm a little scared.  Can you have a slumber party with me tonight?

M:  Not tonight honey.  I think you'll be just fine.  You are very brave.

Can you check for monsters?  They might be hiding in my toys.

(I go through everything in her room and tell her what I see.)  No monsters in this room!

Maybe I can try to sleep all by myself.  I'm still a little scared!  Are you sure you can't have a slumber party with me?  Pleeeeease!

How about I make a deal with you, if you can be brave tonight, we'll have a slumber party in mommy's room tomorrow.

EEEK!  That's what I say when I'm really, super excited.

In Dog Years, He'd Be 238

Today is N's birthday.  Yesterday he was talking about how he is probably still 13 on the inside, yet older physically.  It made me chuckle, because that's one of the things I love most about him.  He's still goofy and silly, yet mature.  He still tries to get out of his homework.  He spent all last week finishing a 3-hour presentation for work.  It was on things like the difference between AC and DC power.  What kind of water they use to cool off those electrical things.  Where this power line connects to this generator where it connects to the knee bone and where the knee bone connects to the shin bone.  I stopped listening about half way through when all the lines on the diagram started to look like one of those magic eye pictures. 

When it came time to doing his homework for Sunday School, he was tapped out.  We basically had to give our testamony, but in a new, fresh way.  When I got done with mine, he just said, "what she said."  Oh he's funny and witty alright.

Since he's turning 238 in dog years today, I thought I would do a list of some of the things I love about him:

1) He's humble.

2) and goofy.

3) He teaches our girls things like when to say "awkward" or how to bump the rock

4) while still teaching them their worth and how they should be treated.

5) He loves with everything he has

6) that would include his ladies and his video games. 

7) His dimple shows when he's lying

8) and when he's smiling.

9) He still likes some of the same things that Zoe does

10) like Mr. Potato Head, bean bags and paddle ball.

11) He's been told he looks scary because of his facial hair and tattoos

12) but he's the exact opposite of scary.

13) He's a hard worker and takes his job very seriously

14) and he works equally hard on our marriage and parenting.

15) He's introverted

16) yet loves when I host parties so he can be the social butterfly that's secretly inside him.

17) He can come up with a knock, knock joke at the drop of a hat

18) and has such a quick wit that it's sometimes hard to think of a come back.

19) He makes me smile with just a look.

20) He loves anything and everything music

21) and encourages it in our girls.

22) He would drink Mt. Dew through an IV if he could

23) yet is willing to go out to a restaurant for a date night that he knows doesn't have it just to spend time with me.

24) He has tremendous patience

25) always being kind when I'm being totally impatient or frustrated.

26) He prefers meat and potatoes at dinner

27) yet is willing to have a salad instead if I don't feel like cooking.

28) He's generous

29) even willing to give me the last piece of chocolate cream pie, even though it's his favorite.

30) Most importantly, he's in love with Jesus.

31) It's not something that he just wears on his sleeve,

32) He shows it through his actions.

33) He's compassionate, loving and flawed.

34) He was made just for me.

Happy birthday N.  I am so glad you were born.  I love sharing this life with you.  I pray today you are reminded how much you are loved.  I love you completely. 

Encourage

Lately I've witnessed mothers being critical of their children or of other mothers.  I know I've been guilty of this too.  It's been on my heart recently to knock it off.  Being is a parent is the hardest and most rewarding role I've ever played.  I see the sweet side of our girls and I see the defiant side of them.  For some reason I've been chosen to guide them through this life.  The mere thought of that can paralyze me and excite me all in the same breath.

There is enormous pressure to ensure that your children have the values you want them to have, to be independent and to believe in themselves.  Because this parenting thing doesn't come with a manual, I'm going through these waters without a compass.  I'm human, which ensures that I'm going to make mistakes.

It seems that there are study after intellectual study about how much we're messing our kids up.  If you let them watch television, they'll have no attention-span and be sloths.  The next study says that television can encourage this or that.  If you give your kid dessert, they'll be addicted to sweets for the rest of their life.  While you're at it, cut out all flour. 

There's so much noise out there that says "if you aren't doing this, your child will be messed up permanently."  I don't know about you, but I put enough pressure on myself as a mother, I don't need everyone else doing it too.  I especially don't need other mothers criticizing my choices simply because they're different than the choice they would've made.  Honestly, being a mom is hard.  I beat myself up more than anyone else can about what I am or am not doing for my girls.  I sometimes struggle to even think that I'm a good mom. 

I don't understand why, as mothers, we're in competition with each other.  What is that going to accomplish?  There is no medal for the mom who spent the most time with her kid or the mom who didn't let her child watch television.  Being a mom isn't actually about me.  It's about my girls.  None of them are alike.  What works for D doesn't work for E and both of those things don't work for Zoe.  They're each an individual.  Yet I'm one mom. 

If you're a mom, believe that you're being the best mom that you can be.  Believe that, no matter how challenging this phase is, you're doing the best that you can.  If you give your best to this role that God has given to you, then you're doing a fantastic job. 

Mothers, let's not knock the other mom down.  What is that teaching our daughters?  Let's be encouraging, supportive and listen to each other.  Let's pray for each other.  It'll get us farther along on this journey than cutting each other down. 

Choices

There are so many things I love about age 4.  I love that Zoe can tell me stories, share her opinions and we can have a conversation.  Her newest thing is making up a word, like "akooah" and calling it over and over and over again.  When I ask, "what does akooah mean?"  She'll say something like, "it's Chinese for come here please."  It cracks me up every time because she says the made up word with such confidence.  I'm positive she's not 100% aware that there is a place called China, that they do have a language and that, for all I know, "akooah" means flush the toilet.  She is very proud of her international language skills.

One thing we're getting into that is incredibly challenging is choices.  Zoe is a fairly easy kid.  She's rarely does things to get into trouble, somewhat laid back and just an absolute joy.  Now that we're nearing age 5, I'm seeing the topic of choices come out.

We aren't the parents who send her to time out.  We send her to her room, to sit on her bed and think about what she did.  When she realizes what she did and why it was a bad choice, she'll call to us and we'll talk about it.  It's similar to a time out, except that it's on her time, not our time.  If it takes her 10 minutes to figure it out, it's 10 minutes.  Sometimes it takes her 3 minutes.  You get the idea.  The ownership of the realization is on her, not on the clock.

Lately she's been making choices that we call bad choices.  She's gotten snappy, mouthy and throws crying fits that last 20 minutes because her balloon popped.  She has this belief that if she says "sorry" or stops crying, we'll acquiesce to her request.  We're having to dig deeper into consequences of choices, both good and bad ones.  It's been challenging. 

She doesn't really get sassy with me nor N, but she does with my mom.  She can be down right nasty.  It's quite a shock to see her acting this way.  Yet I know this is going to be a year where we learn some serious life lessons.  The blessing in all this is she knows that talking that way isn't right.  Now it's just getting her to make a better choice. 

Maybe "akooah" is Chinese for "Lord give me strength."  Perhaps I'm going to start work on my international mommy language.  I think I'm going to need it.