A Letter To Our Daughters

We have officially entered the teenage years.  Not necessarily with age, but in life stages.  As I talk to our teenager, I see so much of myself in her.  As her step-mom, I worry for her in ways I couldn't predict.  In ways that take me back to junior high and all my insecurities.  If I'm being honest, insecurities that I still struggle with at times.  That has created an intense need on my heart to impart, to all our girls, how important their hearts are.  This letter can easily be addressed to each one of them individually. 

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Dear beautiful daughter,

I am so honored that God has given you to me.  I am so honored that I get to be part of your life.  As I watch you grow, my heart continues to swell with pride for you.  Each time I see your face I fall more in love with you.  It's an unconditional love.  Nothing you do, no choice you make will ever stop the love I have for you.  Because of you, I now understand the unconditional love that God has for each of us.  I love you with that same intensity. 

Just like you, I make mistakes.  I make poor choices.  As your mom, I will fail you.  However, just like you, I have a Father who accepts me despite my failings.  He will always welcome me with open arms, no matter how many times I turn from Him.  Just like God accepts us, nothing, absolutely nothing, can make me disappointed in you.  I want you to re-read that.  No choice you make, no eye roll at what I say, nothing will make me disappointed in you.

You were created in His image.  He made you perfect and I couldn't agree more with that statement.  He gave you your heart, your personality and your physical appearance.  After He created you, He said, "it is good."  Everything about you, your nose, your eyes, your body, your heart.  "It is good."  It is God's handiwork.  God doesn't make mistakes. 

I know that sometimes that's hard to believe.  I was once a young lady who felt completely inadequate.  I would look in the mirror and see all the things that didn't measure up to the girl on the magazine or the most popular girl at school.  I would cry myself to sleep some nights because I felt so ugly, so inadequate, so different.  I would crush on a cute boy, write my name with his, and will him to like me back.  When he didn't, I would cry myself to sleep and believe the lie that I was unlovable.  I would believe the lie that if I wore a size 2, had the best clothes, wore the right make-up and had the cutest hair, then he would notice me and love me.

I gave my heart to boys who didn't even know it was theirs.  I had my heart broken.  I cried more tears than any of them deserved.

Each of those times I was trying to settle.  God doesn't want me to look like the magazine because that's not how He created me.  God created you with a purpose and God wants our hearts.  He sees what we are on the inside.  Whatever your heart desires will show on your outside. 

Being a size 2 doesn't make you nice, only your heart does that.

Having a boyfriend doesn't make you loved, you were loved by me and God before we even knew you.

Being class president doesn't make you popular, loving people as God loves you will do that.

Crying your eyes out because that cute boy in your second period doesn't notice you, is giving that cute boy more than he deserves of you.

There is absolutely nothing about you that you need to change to be loved.  You are already loved wholly and unconditionally.  Be who you are.  Be who God made you to be.  Value yourself and all that you can offer.  Live the life God has created for you, in this moment, in this second.  Don't worry about your future, it's already written.  If you focus on the future, you'll miss all that God has for you today. 

I can assure you, God has a plan for you.  That plan will include a man.  A good man.  A Godly man.  You will be the girl who holds his heart in your hand. 

He will be attracted to you because of how you value yourself. 

This man will see your heart first and your smile second.

He will laugh with you and wipe away your tears. 

He will protect you. 

He won't be afraid to sing songs in church or in the car with you. 

He'll be equally comfortable at the girly movie you want to see as he is at a superhero movie.

He will love all the quirks you dislike in yourself. 

He will never ask you to change because he loves you just as you are.

This is the man who is worthy of your heart. 

Don't give your heart away for anything less.  Don't settle.  You are worth all of this and so much more.  You are worthy of every blessing God has for you.  You are worthy of being loved for your heart.

This is my prayer for you.  To know your worth, to know you're loved unconditionally, to know that you are created in His image.  This is how I see you.  This is how I will always see you. 

I love you completely.

Tournament Time

Apparently when you're 4, being sick and wanting to lay in bed all day don't mix.  When we watch Caillou, all he wants to do is lay in bed!  Instead of pretending to be Caillou, like I had suggested, Zoe had been planning a tournament.

A baseball tournament.

She's pretty sure that once she's done with soccer (which we're signing up for in the spring), she'll play baseball.  Since soccer will keep her from practicing baseball, she's going to need to get some time in now.  She was 100% certain I was going to grab my mitt, put on some gloves and scarves and go outside to play some baseball.

She was very disappointed in the cold temps and the dark skies. They are really thwarting her baseball career.  Which is a feat in itself since we don't particularly watch baseball nor do we practice baseball often.  In fact I have a mitt from my younger days when I thought softball sounded like fun.  I'm pretty sure that lasted exactly 2.2 seconds.  I'm not entirely sure where this desire to play is coming from, but when it calls, Zoe must answer.

Because my softball career ended when I was 12, I offered to play in a Wii baseball tournament.  Fortunately Zoe thought that idea was "perfect."  We had to find some baseball hats.  Of course she has a Dora one and I found daddy's. 

We snapped some team pictures and were ready to play.

I'm actually better at Wii baseball than I am at real-life softball.  I think I should be making the major Wii league next season.  I won 1-0.  Mainly because Zoe only likes to pitch and I get to do all the batting.  I got one homerun and it was unfortunately for my team.

Because baseball is really hard, Zoe decided to have a Tri-Tourney.  We did some boxing and some tennis.  She totally knocked me out and then jumped around me during the boxing match.  Her level of excitement for knocking me out is a little scary.  I kept waiting for her to yell "take that mamma!" or "in your face mamma," but fortunately that didn't come.  It was close.

During tennis I'm not entirely sure how she moves the remote to serve the ball, but it comes at lightening speed.  I wasn't even trying to lose, but I did.

For the rest of the night, the girl with the cold, jumped around talking about her BIG win at the tournament today. 

All I have to say is she better watch out.  When she goes to bed at night, I'm practicing tennis to see how she moves her remote to serve like that.  Then it's time to challenge N to some tennis. 

My People

I'm not sure if this is true for you, but there are times, moments actually, that leave me overwhelmed.  I look at N and at our girls and realize just how blessed I am.  There was a time I thought I would never be loved and yet, I have more love that I can adequately describe.  Ten years ago this isn't how my life looked in my mind's eye.  I'm not one to usually enjoy being wrong, but I am this time.

Zoe and I traveled down to Oregon this weekend to spend time with N.  Our weekend consisted of going to the Fish Viewing Room and watching salmon try to swim upstream...twice, running to The Wal-Marts for some essentials, making homemade meals and playing loads of things.  Zoe's favorite this weekend was reinacting The Little Mermaid.  I've got to say, I'm totally impressed with N's interpretation of Ursula. 

While we were in Oregon, Zoe came down with a cold.  Nothing too terrible...until last night.  There was much coughing and hacking.  I held her for a bit to try and get everything to calm down and to prop her up.  As she snuggled into me, she made her noises.  As she did that, it took me back to a time when she was a new infant.  She would make noises all night long as a baby.  We're not talking little coos, we're talking loud moans and "HUH" with every exhale.  There is a noise with each inhale and exhale.  It's constant.  I've heard from other parents whose children were in the NICU, they did the same thing upon coming home.  Because Zoe's issue was that she couldn't remember to breathe, I welcomed all the noise.  She had a tendency to turn blue when she slept and I could at least catch a few winks if I could hear her noise in the background.

There was a time, around 6 months, that I wondered if she would ever grow out of all.the.noise!  Now that seems like a distant memory.

Until last night. 

As I held her and stroked her hair, she started to relax and make her noises.  I found that same peace I did, as a new mother.  A peace that again shows me just how glad I am that my life isn't anything I could've imagined.

How to Give Your Husband Indigestion aka A Really Great Prank

One of N's favorite things in the entire world is his motorcycle.  We purchased it shortly after N got out of the military.  Because times were hard, N was having to work 2 jobs:  one as a mechanical assembler and one as a motorcylce assembler.  The job at the motorcycle shop wasn't the best environment to be in, but it did give him some practical knowledge and some hands-on time with motorcycles.  Because he was an employee, he got a very nice discount.  When he saw the lime green Kawasaki Vulcan 900 custom come through the shop, he felt it call to him.

I truly believe that when he can ride this beauty to and from work everyday, he's a happier man. 

The move to Umatilla has been hard for N for many reasons.  All our stuff is there, but all our family isn't.  Yes, The Kawi is part of the family.  It couldn't make the move in September, so it's been sitting in a garage, unridden.  That, my friends, is a crime. 

After a couple months of trying to figure out how to move The Kawi down to Umatilla, N figured it out.  Two, very dear friends from church offered their equipment for us to use.  Dave is letting us borrow his trailer and Shawn is letting us borrow his new truck.  Read that sentence again...Shawn just bought this truck less than a month ago and is letting us borrow it.  I think he and N have a bromance, for which I'm entirely grateful.  All men need a good bromance to eat weird, greasy food, talk shop and get Godly advice about their women.

The problem is, N is in Umatilla and my mom and I had to get this loaded up.  Enter friend #3, Jaret.  He came over after work to help load the bike.  For a brief moment during the loading, he had to take a phone call.  Enter Kelly...the prankster.  I'm not sure if it's because I know how important The Kawi is to N or if I know no limits when it comes to a good laugh.  Here's the set up:

The truck is parked in the driveway, the trailer is strapped up and ramped up ready to go, The Kawi is positioned to be loaded and Jaret is distracted.  I sit on the bike, take this picture:



and send a text to N that reads:  Do I just drive it straight in?  Jaret had to go home.

Then my mom and I counted to see exactly how long it would take to get a call.  She guessed 10 seconds and I guessed 15.  I was right.  Apparently he couldn't see straight to dial.

This was the conversation:

N: Are you serious?

K: Yes, there was something wrong with the baby.  The trailer's loaded, but I just don't know what exactly I need to do.  Can you walk me through it?

N: I'm calling JJ.  He can be there in 20 minutes.  Did Jaret really have to leave?

K:  No!  bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha (that's my evil laugh)

N then complained of the worst heartburn he's ever experienced. 

All in all, The Kawi got loaded with exactly 1/4 inch to spare.  Isn't God good?  We are headed down to Umatilla today to deliver The Kawi and spend some time with N. 

I'm going to laugh about this little incident for the entire 3 hour drive. 

The Exploding Pineapple

Last November N, Zoe and I went to the great state of Texas to visit our family for Thanksgiving.  Also, not to mention, it was Zoe's and my first time there and we were introduced to Chick-fil-A.  I don't think I really need to say more than that, unless you've never had it.  Almost 365 days later, I still have cravings.  Sometimes they are so strong, the plane ticket to Texas doesn't seem too bad. 

That Chick-fil-A sauce can sure sidetrack me.  While we were there, Aunt DeeDee was gracious enough to drive me to a quilt store in north Austin.  Honey Bee Quilt Store was absolutely darling.  If I had been in town for another couple weeks, I would've definitely signed up for their Mariner Star quilt class.  So hard, but so beautiful. 

While at Honey Bee, I found a fabric that spoke to my heart.  It was Grease fabric.  If you know me, you'll know that has been one of my favorite movies since I was 4.  I know all the lines, know all the songs and even have the soundtrack on record.  When I was younger and my mom would have game nights, they'd usually play Trivial Pursuit.  Because I was too young to play that game, she would change all the questions to Grease questions for me.  Bless her heart.

It was hot pink, black and white.  I had zero idea what I was going to do with Grease fabric, but I knew I had to have it, much like Cha-Cha had to win that dance contest on national television. 

I figured I'd make a table runner and pull it out when I was feeling sassy.  Then I went to the Washington State Quilt Show and saw the Exploding Pineapple quilt.  My Grease fabric began to speak to me.  This is the result:

It's wild, bright and a total departure for me.  I LOVE it.  I have zero idea what I'm going to do with it.  N is a little paranoid that I'm going to want to hang it in our living room or something.  It still needs a couple borders and to be finished, but I think it's super fun.  Just looking at it makes me smile. 

I'm a Chore Chart Novice

A couple months ago grandma bought Zoe a small, dry erase board.  It sticks to the fridge and is the perfect place for Zoe's chore chart.  Each day grandma puts things on there for Zoe to do.  Zoe eats it up.  She's so much like me in that department.  She LOVES lists and LOVES crossing things off.

Because she can't read too well, everything is written and there are pictures so she knows what it says.

A typical day includes:

Feed Toby
Feed Coco
Eat a banana
Do your homework
Set the table for dinner

It's been awesome to see her doing all the things with joy and excitement.  Especially when it involves cleaning or putting things away. 

On Wednesdays both Zoe and Grandma get to sleep in a bit.  That means Zoe doesn't have a chore chart right when she wakes up like she does when grandma is up early for work.  Yesterday Zoe informed me that I needed to make her a chore chart.  She had no less than 609 different ideas of what I could put on there.

This morning that's what I did.  Because it's a school morning, I focused on the things that she'd need to do to get ready for school.  Here's her chart:

Zoe's Chores

Eat breakfast (a picture of a fork, spoon and cup)
Go potty (picture of a toilet - which I'm pretty proud of, it turned out well)
Get dressed (picture of pants and a shirt)
Find your backpack (picture of a backpack)
Go to school (picture of a school/house)

I get a call from Zoe this morning exactly 2.3 minutes after she wakes up.  She's got some problems with her chart.  They are:

1) She doesn't have an "S" on the end of her name.  DUH!  There is apparently only one of her, not several, so you can't put an "S" there.  I didn't have the energy to explain possessives to her since this was obviously the first of many problems.

2) It doesn't mention feeding Toby.  Is he just supposed to starve today?

3) It also doesn't mention feeding Coco the fish either.  She apparently told me all about needing to put that on the chart yesterday.  Is Coco going to starve too?  OR worse, did I feed Coco?  Because that's her chore!

4) She likes the toilet picture.  She's going to do that specific chore first.  It should be at the top!

In terms of Chore Chart 101, I'm flunking out.  If it was Chore Chart Art 101, I'm doing fabulous. 

It Was Like Pixie Hollow in Winter

Halloween in these parts is usually cold.  It's always a good idea to have an outfit that can either provide the same warmth you'd need in Antarctica or one that would fit over your parka.  For our costumed race last Saturday, Zoe picked a costume that would provide her a level of warmth:  a pink m&m.  She was adorable. 

However, that was just her race costume, it was not her Halloween costume.  She wanted to be Tinkerbell.  She had a costume already, so it was just a matter of finding a way to keep her warm.  We put on a long-sleeved shirt, her dance tights that are extra thick and then her costume. 

She got chilled just lighting the pumpkins. 

We had to pull out the coat, mittens and blanket.  We usually grab the stroller because about 1/4 of the block from grandma's house, she prefers to be carried.  This way, we can bundle her up, keep her toasty and still snag some candy.

After exactly 10 houses, she was done.  She no longer wanted to trick-or-treat, she wanted to go home and eat!

She's a fairy after my own heart.